A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I just want to share my story and I would Love your opinions.it was about 8 or 9 months ago I was walking into church for a revival when I laid eyes on the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. He was well dressed, the cutest smile with perfect straight white teeth, and the sexiest complexion ever. The way he interacted with everyone showed me a bit of his personality. Hes all I ever dreamed of. But I had a boyfriend at the time. There was a connection between us, I felt it and I wanted to talk to him, but before I knew it church was over and My mother had rushed me out the door. I was a little disappointed because I didn't think I was going to see him ever again. :/ever since then I felt like something was missing in my life. I wasn't happy with the way my life was proceeding, the people I hung around with, or my relationship with my boyfriend. He cheated on me and we broke up after that, I stopped hanging around my friends and I just wanted to work on my life and find what it was I was suppose to do because I felt empty. 6-8 months had passed and I was just checking my messages online when I received a new message from an unfamiliar name. DH (his initials). it read "hi im DH, its nice to meet you". He was cute but I couldn't really see much of his face in his picture. we started talking more and we found out we only live 10-15 mins from each other. we exchanged numbers and planned to meet up. Until then we continued to get to know each othermoments later he sent me a few pictures. One was of him and the other was of him in glasses. And that's when I started to recognize his face. But I couldn't quite figure out where I saw him. I questioned him more and then I saw a picture of him that made my heart drop. It was a picture of him smiling and I knew exactly where I saw him from, who could forget that priceless smile. He has been everything I ever imagined him to be from that night. absolutely perfect. And you here it many times but I never felt this way before. When I think of him I get teary eyed, I smile harder than I ever smiled in my life, no lie. He says the sweetest things in the world, and we have so much in common, when I look at him or talk to him I forget my problems, what I was about to do, heck I even forget where I am because all I can focus on is him. I feel like hes the one for me, I don't even want to talk or look at another guy. He encourages me in so many ways And everytime he speaks he makes my heart melt.The thing is before I ever figured out who he was, he told me the reason he sent me a message is because he felt that connection between us, like we were meant to be together and the more he talks to me the more he believes it. He says im the only one girl that has ever made him feel the way he does and it scares him. But he says he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me because he doesn't want to lose that feeling. we've only known each other for a short while but he really wants to get married, my question to you is, after reading my fairytale, DO you think I should marry him? Ive never been so happy but it hasn't been very long for us. they say you really get to know a person after a year and it hasn't been that long but I cant shake this feeling. what do I do ?
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, exchanged numbers Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice! i'll have a talk with him and tell him we're moving too fast. if it is meant to be we will still be together in a few years and then we can discuss marriage.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 June 2013):
 Good, I'm glad you did a check on him, and that he has a connection through your dad. It's concerning that he keeps asking YOU if you need money. Loaning, gifting, asking for money can kill a relationship.
GO VERY SLOW. Seriously, even if he looks like a million dollars, go VERY VERY VERY VERY slow. Go slow enough that you're no longer putting him on a pedestal. Go slow enough to let your trusted friends and family have an objective opinion about him. Go slow enough to know what you want in life, because you're young, and if you want to get into a profession or a career or dream, getting obsessed with a guy tends to halt that stuff.
Like I said, go SNAIL's PACE slow!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did do a background check, clean as a whistle.he has 2 jobs, his own homeHe didn't know it was me at the church, he didn't even remember going.I know all about his family, turn out him and my dad use to work together, they are good people.he doesn't ask me for money, hes constantly asking me if I need it! he volunteers on weekends, he helps everyone who needs it, buys food for homeless people, hes amazingive only been in a few relationships and ive never been cheated on that I know of except for that one time but it didn't really bother me I didn't cry or anything its like I just brushed it off my shoulders.but things feel special with him, im willing to wait because anything worth having is worth waiting for. I just wanted to know what you guys thought.he is a very good person.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 June 2013):
iAmHereToHelpYou was reading my mind! I read your post and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
First of all, SLOW WAY DOWN. You may not want to hear this, but church, especially revival sessions, are perfect environments for guys who would take advantage of a girl. Church is where emotions breed, and anyone can tell you, people who run real estate scams, pyramid marketing scams, even getting people to tithe and donate to charity flourish in high emotional/low reasoning environments.
No guy goes and says "Hey, nice to meet you! I'd love to marry you in 4 months and no one has ever made me feel this way before". etc, unless they're saying it to a MARK. A mark is a gullible, vulnerable person. Looks are cultivated, and players and con-men are skilled at saying and doing seemingly magical exploits when it comes to charming people. But there are warning signs, and I see some here:
1. Is there a logical explanation for him seeking you out like this after 8-9 months? How many people did you talk about this encounter to?
2. Does he have family at that church? Does he have connections to people you or your mom know? Did he just appear out of the sky?
3. Has he ever either asked you for money, or told you about any financial hardships he's going through, even housed in "I have some business loose ends to tie up before we can marry". That's one of the biggest ways a scam happens, the old "we're getting married, baby, but before we do, I need $1,000 to fix my car and start a business". NEVER give him money. Not ever.
4. Why is he talking love and marriage so soon? That is one of the biggest red flags of them all. There are three types of suitors who do that, guys who use women for sex, predators who groom women to con them, and unstable guys who have flaky, flash-in-the-pan emotions.
5. Have you done a background check on him? Criminal record? Marital record (is he your age, or is he older?), what he does for a living to establish that he's not lying about himself.
You are vulnerable, but even in all of this "fairy tale" emotions, there's something in your brain that feels like there's something OFF. That's GOOD! That uneasy feeling caused you to write here!
" I stopped hanging around my friends and I just wanted to work on my life and find what it was I was suppose to do because I felt empty"
Con artists sense vulnerability. You may not be a weak person, but you are an emotionally injured one. Predators pick out the sick and injured, even emotionally injured ones. Re-establish your contact with your friends. Never isolate yourself.
I see a lot of danger here. Do not marry. Do not give money. Do not share personal info. Hide your passwords, and do a check on this guy to verify his story. Find out about his family, and be very wary and on guard. You've been enjoying Emotion all this time, and now you must let Emotion take a back seat and let Reason and Intellect drive your next actions.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntieA +, writes (19 June 2013):
 I believe that you have gone through a hard time and his words, as sweet as they may be, are beautiful, however, you need more time for the relationship. Why rush something? You two should enjoy each other and get to know each other a lot more.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (19 June 2013):
I am 45 and getting married for the first time next week. I waited for the right person and to be mature enough to know what that was. I dont regret one moment of the wait....
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 June 2013):
 I think that you should marry him in about 3 years... start planning the wedding then... after you and he spend a lot of time together on a daily basis and figure out if there is truly something there or not.
DO NOT jump into anything quickly or rashly.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 June 2013):
 I believe in "love at first sight"..... so I wouldn't pass judgement upon your story as to "rightness or wrongness"...
What you now have is an opportunity to take the time to see if YOUR "love at first sight" is real, genuine and stands the test of time....
No, I wouldn't rule out marriage... but I WOULD caution about jumping too quickly, without ever looking with a cautious eye.... and making sure that the relationship-turned-to-marriage has a chance of succeeding...
Good luck.....
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 It's way too soon to start thinking about marriage.
You're experiencing the intense excitement that people often get in the beginning of a relationship. That intensity will not continue, it never does. It's to do with chemicals being released by your body, and once they eventually subside, which could take anything from a few months to over a year, you'll be able to consider this more rationally.
You need to take time to get to know each other really well before thinking about marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (19 June 2013):
 If its meant to be... then its for the long run! So why rush? No need to go flying into fairytales in order to save feelings. Its just not realistic AT ALL!
If you marry in this moment...does this mean that this feeling you are trying to hold onto will never go away...? You have to make marriage decisions with feet on the ground... and rather not floating on the pumpkin of Cinderella! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2013):
 No disrespect meant, but, if it persists,... go see your doctor. It maybe some mood disorder.
You see a guy once from afar, and you want to marry him because he has a beautiful smile ? how does this make sense ? Ok, you have been texting, or talking by other means, for the last month. And he has told you sweet stuff that that pleased your ears. That would be barely enough to decide going on a date with him, forget about marriage !
Also because HE proposed marriage when he barely knew your face , and nothing else. This will be very flattering, I can imagine that, but actually that would be considered quite a red flag, either the guy is a charmer that says " I want to marry you " without menaing it all, or he means it, and, in a way, that's even more worrisome.
Take it easy, very slow and easy. If you like the guy , start dating him, get to know him, etc... but leave out any talk of marriage for quite a while. You are only 18-21, what's your rush anyway ?!
...............................
A
female
reader, xedep +, writes (19 June 2013):
 Lucky you!
Ok I think the first thing you should do is just go with the flow as bf/gf for a while, see how that works if being in a relationship brings you closer then great. Just 'test it out' first if that makes any sense.
Loads of people get married when they are still in a 'honeymoon' stage of their relationship and when that happens everything goes pear shaped.
But I believe that there is a perfect someone for everyone out there and that everybody has a soul partner. So after about a year or so of being his girlfriend if he is still asking you to marry him then go for it!
Be happy and go live your life with your Beautiful Soul Mate.
...............................
|
