A
female
age
41-50,
*lasker
writes:I met a guy online, we chatted for a couple of years on and off and eventually we met up and started dating. Before we met I was never really interested in him romantically but in person he was charming and kinda grew on me. We've been together for about 8 months now but as we live a few hours apart we see each other mainly on weekends. As horrible as this sounds I know he cares for me much more than I care for him and I'm not sure if by staying with him I'll hurt him more than if I just back away now. We have fun together and he's sweet and such, but 'it' just isn't there for me. He's not the type of guy I'd usually go for, we're from different backgrounds, have different goals and our lives are on two different paths. Before we met he knew I was planning to emigrate, and so our relationship always had a finite timeline because he's a homebird. This worked (I thought!) because we both knew our relationship was essentially going nowhere, so we could just have fun until the party was over. I'm his first 'serious' girlfriend though and he's recently dropped the L-word. I'm ashamed to say I said it back, and part of me thinks that maybe it will come with time. At the same time I can't see myself spending my life with him long-term. He's never said he wants to get married either, but part of me feels it's wrong to continue when I don't feel as much for him as he feels for me.Is it wrong to be in a relationship you know is going nowhere? Or if it has a finite timeline does it matter? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): I agree with the others but unfortunately you did lie OP. You changed the entire nature of this relationship when you said you love him. I don't think he views this as a fleeting thing anymore.
I think some of the previous posters may have missed that part of your post.
Before you met he knew you'd planned to emigrate, now 8 months down the line you said you love him. You see how that kind of changes things OP? Sorry but you can't fall back on what he used to know after that and I think you know that.
Time to tell him the truth and let him make his own choice. I mean are you just going to drag this out until one day you just leave the country?
OP it feels wrong you probably came here hoping that someone would have a nugget of wisdom that would take away the guilt and allow you to carry on. Unfortunately I think you know that's not going to happen, the guilt will probably just spoil this for you regardless of what you do. I mean you've said the L-word now OP, you think he's suddenly going to more casual now? Nope, it's out there.
OP he's a big boy, he got into this knowing your deal, he'll be able to handle it but don't leave it too long after a game changer such as the L-word OP. He's going to be dancing on a cloud of delight and that's going to tear you up with guilt.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 It's not "wrong".... but it's kind of "stupid".....
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 Hi
Whats the point of being in a relationship thats going nowhere. He could be out there meeting others who do want what he wants and will want him long term. I bet even if your honest I bet he sticks around in case you change your mind,he will live in hope.
All you can do is state your situation, be clear,you know your moving away,you know you don't love him,its not long term just a 'fling'.The rest is up to him,he can make an informed choice.
Or you could simply finish it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): No it is not wrong to be in a relationship with no future just as long as you are both honest with each other. It sounds like you have been somewhat honest with him by letting him know that you plan to move, so like you said, there is a finite time on the relationship. If you feel like he is missing the hints you are putting out you could either be more blunt about it or bring up the fact that you are leaving more often and as something that is solid and in the very near future for you.
Obviously you don't have the same feelings for him as he has for you, breaking up is so hard, I know...but if you feel like he isn't getting the hint I think you are better off breaking it off now. You are just not on the same page. Might as well spare his feelings.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2012):
 It's NOT wrong as long as you are HONEST with him.
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