A
female
age
13-15,
MysteryGirl122
writes:is it wrong to fall in love with your best friend- or have a crush on them? by the way i am a girl and my best friend is a girl. help!
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female
reader, lexpro  +, writes (26 June 2008):
Damn gurl, I know what you are going thru. Im going thru the same thing. I have been friends with this gurl for 11 years. We got pregnant together and had girls. The girls are now 7 years old and do everything together. Our lives are so intertwined that if I told her I dnt know how messed up my life would be. Im so in love with her. I have a husband. Ive been with him for 13 years and for some reason Id give it all up for her. Ive been secretly in love with er for a little over 3 years now and I kinda told her about a year ago and things changed. She doesnt like me like that and I know it, but I finally feel as though I have to tell her. I want it to be known. Ive never told anyone, but my therapist. He feels I should tell her and if things change then they change. Im so damn jealous and it has damaged our relationship cuz I dnt think she knows how deeply Im in love with her. Everyone on this page has replied some really good info. I think begin honest is good. If you tell her the truth and she leaves you then maybe it was never meant to be. Nothing can be done. However if u told her and something did happen, and 3 years pass and u two break up where does it leave the friendship. I dont want to ruin our friendship. Id rather let her know and just let it be out in the open and not have anything happen. She means way too mmuch to me to just let this friendship get away from me..u feel me!! If u want to talk messsage me.
A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (5 May 2008):
 well hun may be u have been with her for so long,probably its just the attachment that u have towards her is making u feel like that..its not bad to adore and respect your friends..there are different types of crushes..some crushes just last for day .some for months while others for years..u may either like the person for looks or nature or may be just something unique about him or her..i think its not wrong its normal for teenagers to feel that way!!!
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A
female
reader, MysteryGirl122 +, writes (4 May 2008):
MysteryGirl122 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou, Hope 123, you have some good advice there! yes, i will carry on, thats what ive been trying to do for 2 years now. its just painful because i know that she is straight, and i know that im straight too. Because, i do not feel attracted to other girls at all, its just her. and im attrated to guys, like normal. so i am really confused and very confused about what i should do. if i tell her, i know it would wreck our friendship-but i cant get rid of the feelings. help! you know how i feel?
please reply soon?
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A
female
reader, Hope_123  + ♥, writes (4 May 2008):
 Wow, Kimaxsi has made some really great points! It's very difficult when this happens.. And there isn't much u can do to stop yourself from feeling things.. If your feelings begin to get really strong I would consider telling her, unless you know that she'll react badly. You have to make sure that you don't keep it to yourself and not tell anyone because it hurts a lot when you are the only person who knows about such an important thing in your life. Kimaxsi is also right ... don't stop doing other things and just focus on her, I know well how difficult it is to try and distract yourself but the best you can do is try! Though i must admit i'm not great at that myself!!
I know exactly how you feel about this, so if u ever want to message me feel free :-)
Good luck !!!
xx Hope xx
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A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (3 May 2008):
There is no easy answer to this question. I got to the point and I think many people do where either you have to tell the person or you will naturally create distance b/c it just becomes too painful. Since I know you don't want to push her away what you might do while deciding if you should tell her is this. Hang out with her but not alone, with your other friends as well that should keep you distracted as well. Don't neglect your other friends to as you may be inclined to do since you only want to be with her, make sure you make time for them as well. When you do hang out with her do fun things that don't require a lot of physical contact. I know you said its painful seeing her talk to others if jealousy is a huge issue may be hang out with the friends who are in a relationship or less likely to illicit jealousy like those less touchy feely types. Make sure to keep living your life, doing your homework, exercising, watching your fav. shows whatever you do normally don't just stop, if you focus only on her you'll get obsessive and it'll become impossible I made that mistake. If you don't have any friends but her casually talk to people in class and so forth, meet new people just be careful not to exclude her and don't get caught up in trying to make her jealous.
Lastly if you want to stay friends and decide you are not going to tell her, or you realize she just sees you as a friend then you'll have to make your mind up to move on. I did move on, but never date someone just to replace her, talk to people let it happen naturally don't force relationships in time it may happen. For me it did, I met someone I wasn't expecting it fell in love and now even when I see her its okay I mean I don't feel that same pull. We are friends now but not as close, so you may lose some of that closeness and its hard.
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A
female
reader, MysteryGirl122 +, writes (3 May 2008):
MysteryGirl122 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou, Kimaxsi, that does make sense to me in way. But at the moment im really confues about my feelings and i do not want to ruin the friendship. Your advice was helpful because i am thinking more clearly now.although, my feelings are growing stronger everytime i see her and it becomes more painful when others are around her/ having physical contact with her. can you offer any more advice? or anyone else who has given me advice?thank you to the others who replied too.
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A
female
reader, Nibblet + ♥, writes (3 May 2008):
 yes its very possible to fall in love with your best friend. Im in love with my best friend (were both girls) and i liked her before we became best friends. and theres nothing wrong about it. i told my best friend that i love her and shes cool with but its only going to be on that friend level which i guess is ok =/ but were still the bestest of friends.
If you even want to talk just message me.
Good Luck!!!
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A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (3 May 2008):
Girls can fall for other girls and I think people often fall for their friends. I know b/c I fell for my closest female friend when I was your age. For me it wasn't something fleeting, it lasted and it lasted and now I am 27 and I know it was genuine. I tried to repress and deny what I felt and ended up pushing her away altogether b/c it just became too painful to be near her, years later once we reconnected I told her what I'd felt and honestly it didn't change anything in our case, she said that she liked me a little more than friends too and had I been a guy things would've been different but as I was girl she just couldn't go any further with it. I do not know what will happen in your case, friends are a precious thing and you could lose her or frighten her away altogether. At the same time we often regret most what we do not do. How does she feel about same couple relationships? Has she ever demonstrated that the feelings might be mutual? If she actually did have feelings could you honestly be in a relationship as girlfriend/girlfriend openly? Are you that secure? Could you handle it if you were dating broke up and lost her forever? I personally think its better to love and lose than never to love at all, but many people are terrified of heart break. What about if she not only rejected you and you lost her friendship but she started making fun of you and calling you a lesbian? Only you know what type of person she really is and be honest with yourself, when we love people we put them on pedestals but look at her for real and see do you consider her mature? Girls your age are experimental sometimes and sometimes do question their sexuality she might fool around a bit with the idea then start dating a boy, so she may toy with you. Does she demonstrate a strong interest in boys? Is she very flirtatious? You may want to remain friends you may naturally grow closer and closer and something may develop without you forcing anything but then again nothing may ever happen. I regret honestly not having told my friend when something may have happened (its too late now anyways we are with other people), and I've also felt the pain of losing her too, but I am not you and so I only offer possibilities. But really give it some thought, before you do anything.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (2 May 2008):
 You can fall in love with almost anyone at almost any age, and it's not wrong.
The real question is whether you should show your love, and that's more difficult to answer.
Love can be shown in many ways, and true friendship is one of them. Friendship can last longer than love, and in many ways can be far more powerful and far more important. The problem when you are younger (or so I found, and I can still remember it) is that your emotions and desires as well as your hormones are still maturing and still changing. What or who seems most wonderful at that moment can seem quite different in a year or two - or even in a month or two. Friendship can outlast those changes in you; love, as I think you mean love, may not.
Why don't you take things very slowly? Above all, don't risk losing a friendship for something that may be a relatively short-lived desire even if it doesn't seem it could possibly be that at this moment. Enjoy your friendship, and enjoy the thoughts of what it may blossom into in the future. No one can criticise you for your private thoughts and desires, but sometimes you have to be very, very sure of them before you reveal them to anyone else.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (2 May 2008):
 You're asking a different question here. The question is not whether you can fall for your best friend; that often happens. The question is whether a girl can fall for another girl. No. That's human nature.
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