A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I haven't dated in over 2 years now, so I'm a bit out of practice so to speak. My life is finally in order as I recently moved to the States, have a job, a house I just bought, and am slowly trying to adapt to a "real life" again. I'm 34.I've been going to a new gym recently and after being dropped by my trainer because she was too busy with prior clients, I asked one of the staff members that I had seen train someone else if she was available. She told me she only does one free training session when you sign up, but since I hadn't had that session yet, she agreed to train me for a day. That day arrived and we hit it off really well. She was incredibly chatty about everything, not just fitness, and after the workout and my time with her finished, she kept adding on different things to do, and even did stretches I suggested to her and watched my short film on her phone right on the spot. I've been saying hi to her since then and sometimes we would chat for maybe 2-3 minutes and then be on our way. This has been going on for about 3 weeks. 2 days ago I brought over three individually wrapped and sealed cookies my mom had made for a Christmas party to give to my current trainer, my former trainer, and her. She was thankful, and the following day she told me she loved the cookie and wish I had brought more. Then she talked to me for about half an hour and made no indication that she wanted to end the conversation or was talking to be polite. She told me about her family, how she got here, her birthday, personal stuff mostly. She said her sister has a boyfriend but she doesn't. She's mid twenties from what I can tell. Today I went in and she saw me on my way out and she said "Oh, leaving already?" I told her I had just finished and went over to where she was and we again talked for another twenty minutes. So I'm at an impasse her. I like her, and would like to ask her out, but I don't know if I'm misreading the whole thing and she's just being nice. Or if it's even worth asking someone out from the gym you go to in case things don't work out. Again, I've been out of this for what seems like forever and I fear being too optimistic or pessimistic. Thank you for any help, your advice is much appreciated!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 December 2021):
 Thanks for the update and clarification.
That does make a difference IMHO. Ask her out for coffee, see where it goes.
Even if she is "only" a recruiter, she might not be allowed to date clients. Different GYMs/Companies have different rules.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand that asking her out if she was a personal trainer (or worse, mine) would be problematic. I wasn't clear in the original post, but she isn't a personal trainer. She's one of the recruiters at the gym, so her job is "done" with me. I'm a member at the gym and already have a personal trainer. She only has that 1 free training session, which I already did, and she specified (without me even asking) that she doesn't have a boyfriend during those extended conversations. So while I usually would steer clear, I'm considering asking her out because she's shown that additional interest in me when there is no potential monetary gain for her. That's all. Sorry again if I wasn't clear in my OP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2021): I meant to say:
"Don't dangle a carrot before her, if you have no real professional interest [in hiring] her as your personal [trainer]."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2021): This is a frequently asked question here at DC. People are attracted to their doctors, professors, teachers, and personal-trainers. Based on their attentiveness, friendliness, and because they're approachable as human beings. They are on the job, and pretty much have to be nice to clients.
I won't presume to know the policies regarding client and staff interaction at your gym; but I know you gain clients when you have a bubbly personality, show interest in their presence, and go out of our way to seem helpful.
Trainers and staff are encouraged to be good representatives of the company, or chain, they work for. New PT's have to recruit as many clients or members as they can. Some have quotas to fill; and that sometimes requires turning-on a little extra charm. You're wooing new clients, not seeking dates. Very young trainers may take it a few steps too far; for the lack of experience, or need of more training in policy regarding appropriate conduct while interacting with the membership. Flirting comes natural between men and women (also in same-sex situations); and it's often exploited as a tool. Like any good salesmen, you have to capture your customer's interest and attention.
At the best and most reputable gyms I've been a member to, all the trainers treated the membership very nicely. They did their best to keep their old members, and to encourage new-comers to stay. The more they got to know you as regulars, the more familiar your face becomes, the nicer they are to you. It's often mistaken for flirtation (or wishful-thinking may read more into it than is actually there); because, for the most part, these people are young, fit, and attractive.
You can ask her out, but if she follows policy; she will likely turn you down. You're not the only guy who will hit on her, or would like to take her out; and she also has to make sure there is an understanding that she is there as a professional. Her co-workers and the manager of the gym are watching her, and watching-out for her; including how membership behave on the premises.
Don't ask, if you are prone to have a bad reaction to rejection; or if you're over-sensitive, and might take rejection hard or personally. Don't dangle a carrot before her, if you have no real professional interest to hire her as your personal training. If you're a gentleman, you don't need to be told how to behave.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 December 2021):
Mmmm, OP
You do know that PTs (personal trainers) are usually VERY social and very friendly because THAT is how you get clients and keep clients. That is how you get a good salary. It's not just showing people how to work out. The social aspect is VERY important for job security.
It's only been about 3 weeks of very casual contact. I'd 1. give it a LOT longer. 2. consider that she MIGHT not be single. And 3. it's RARELY a good idea to date a PT that also trains you or works at the GYM you go to. (why?) because it's seen as a no-no at plenty of GYMS to date your clients. 4. She might just BE a very social, friendly, and outgoing girl that doesn't quite consider that being this friendly might send out signals SHE didn't intend. Or people misread HER intentions.
Could you ask her out for coffee? sure. If you can handle she turns you down, potentially.
How much do you like this GYM? If you really like the place, I'd reconsider asking her out. I'd just keep having friendly banter with her and look for a date outside of the GYM and work.
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