A
female
age
51-59,
*uppydog
writes:I have recently broke off an affair. Definitely the best decision but hurts like hell. Only been shy of a month. He is already seeing someone else. Is it understandable to feel hurt?
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I think it depends.
Did this guy you were seeing make you promises like, "Baby, I don't love my wife and I'll be leaving her soon. You're the one I love. Just give me time..."?
If so, then yes, you have the right to feel hurt.
BUT if it was a casual fling, and just a quick fun diversion from his marriage, then, no, it is not understandable that you are hurt since you should have known what it was all about.
I have to say, though, that a guy who has an affair is already on shaky moral ground to begin with, and a woman who enters such a relationship should have her eyes wide open as to whether the guy is sincere and what his motives are. Sounds like this one just wants to play around while still keeping his wife and family intact back home.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Yes.Because you found out exactly how much you really meant to the guy. This hurts a lot, whether you are a man or a woman.It doesn't matter how much time has passed either, more likely than not.I have a friend who had an affair, with a married man, she was married as well. A year later they met incidentally, he asked her if she was seeing anyone, she wasn't and had worked on her marriage and was doing well. She was curious and asked him if he was, and he was cheating on his wife with another woman. She said it was a shock, she thought she was "special" and he had cheated on his wife with her because she was "special". She was shocked and hurt and "devastated" to learn that she was "just one more" person who he cheated on his wife with and was not someone special that this had happened with.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Are you hurt because you broke up, or are you hurt because he was able to move on so quickly, or both? Yes, it is normal to feel hurt under these circumstances. It will take as long as it takes for you to get over this. Breakups hurt. People grieve and then they move on. He may be trying to avoid the pain by getting involved with another. That usually doesn't work, but you should be thinking about yourself right now. He is water under the bridge. Be kind to yourself. Move through the pain and come out on the other side a wiser woman.
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