A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About to hit our 3 month dating mark - I haven't made it past the 3 month mark in 5 years, I'm nervous and trying hard not to show it.I'm the polar opposite of his ex (of 17 yrs) whom he chased for a year, lived with and tried to marry but she was not into marriage.We met online and hit it off quickly. We waited to be intimate once we agreed to be exclusive. Everything SEEMS to be going well but I'm worried. I didn't make him chase me for that long. I gather he was really in love with her by the time she agreed to date him. I don't think he feels love for me yet...we haven't said the words to each other. Did I mess up by being intimate without being in love first? Are we doomed not to have the strong love he felt for her? I hate feeling this way. I want to make it past the 3 mos mark with this guy, he is very very special to me. I need advice!!
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (2 March 2011):
 It sounds as if you do not think he is completely over it yet. If he is dating you, and wants to be exclusive, chances are he is over her. Try not to be so insecure about that. If you blow it at all, it will be for that reason. I'm sure he doesn't want to be reminded of the woman that broke his heart either.
You really seem to like this guy. I think the best thing you can do in this circumstance is let him call the shots. You have already been intimate, but I'd take the relationship at his pace from here on out. Let him decide he wants to be with you and that he wants to forget about her. The guy has been burned. He's probably looking for something a little less intense. Take it slow and try not to appear needy.
Your past dating experiences have nothing to do with this one. Each circumstance is different, so don't start thinking there is something wrong with you that you can't make it past the 3 month mark. There might, however, have been something to learn from those experiences.
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