A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong to ask where a potential relationship is going after a week...?I've been hanging out with a girl for 6 months and she became what I consider to be my closest friend. Then a week ago we slept with each other after a night out. We have slept with each once more a few days later but things have become a little awkward. I can't tell how she feels. We work together so it seems awkward when we are out and about and at work but then when we hang out alone we lay and hug each other and kiss. However, after the second time we slept together she said she didn't want to stay around and went home at about 3.I am getting real feelings for this girl and I have never been someone that is into casual relationships just for sex but I don't want her to freak out if I ask her if this is going anywhere? What if she thinks that i'm just wanting to make it casual and is resisting because she's not like that....? Or is she just wanting to keep things casual or even regretting it all!? It feels horrible not knowing because I actually feel more lonely and miss not having her as a friend but if I ask her how she feels it may ruin that too!How do I know!?What should I say? I said to her that I liked her and she said "well I should hope so" and the convo ended there.Can anyone give me advice on what to say?
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male
reader, Bob Loblaw  +, writes (27 July 2012):
You're in this situation where your mind is racing and you don't know what she's thinking, and you don't know what she thinks *you*re* thinking. It's compounded by the fact that you see her at work regularly and you can't broach the topic there, but still have to deal with your own uncertainty and have it placed front and center in your life almost all day, every day.
At some point you're simply going to have to ask her outright. You can try to have a talk directly or maybe just plain ask her out on a real date, where the goal isn't to lay about but actually do something fun together. You're going to have to take charge of the situation and yes, run the risk of making her more distant to you, at least in the short term. But the reward could be that you make the relationship more formalized and if she likes it, then all the better. I think you need to be more confident here in yourself and in the budding relationship, and understand that you can live with the outcome either way. It doesn't mean to be overly cool or insensitive, but you need to honor your feelings here too and make it clear to her that you really dig her and you don't want her to feel like you're just using her.
I'm not sure why she'd be "freaked out" by you admitting your feelings unless she's been using *you* instead. In which case, you best learn that now instead of later.
This is one reason why getting romantically involved with co-workers can be very problematic - because when it doesn't work out, you still have to be around the other person and can't just get them out of your sight and out of your mind.
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