A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have known my high school friends for about 10 years and we were close knit. Now i am a junior in college and they both have had children and not really where they would like to be in life. I have still remained there for both of them but I feel like the children has put a dent on our friendship because I really cant relate to some of their situations. The children has also made them too much closer and kind of made me feel like a third wheel. So lately I just have been focusing on my life(school, work, boyfriend) and they contact me via text every once in a blue moon, normally just to see if anything has changed in my life("whats new?"), if they want something or want to know something, cant get in touch with each other or they need to vent. However, when I make contact with them the convo is very short as if they dont want to talk. I also notice at times if one will contact me the other will contact me the same day as well which I think is very weird as if they were talking about me. I have also noticed that one of their cousins who i was also close to deleted me off of social media which I thought was weird because I didn't do anything wrong to them so I'm thinking they have something to do with it. Also at one point i didn't heard from one of the friends for almost 9 months but one day out of the blue she wanted to stop by because she was mad at her boyfriend. She has also contacted one time after a long period just to ask me something. At this point i feel like this so called friendship is very one-sided and I am no longer gaining anything from it. My family thinks its time for me to cut them off and move on because I am no longer happy with them and we no longer have anything in common but I'm not the type of person to just cut someone out of my life what should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2013):
 You are thinking too much…
As we grow and change, our friends change. Circumstances change and we no longer have the same things in common with our friends that we did in high school. I was friends with a girl from age 13-age 25 or so. By then I had two kids and was married and she was not. We tried to keep the friendship going but life was just too different for us. Now 25 years later we are back in touch as my kids are grown and we have dinner now and then, no we are no longer BFFs but we are civil and friendly and touch base a few times a year.
As for their cousin deleting you from social media, some folks I know do an annual spring cleaning and delete folks from social media that they have no IRL contact with or such. It does not mean anything other than the cousin was cleaning up her page.
If you go months without contact from them, they are essentially already out of your life and you have no need of a “formal breakup” so to speak… friends drift apart… that is what is happening here. All you have to do, the next few times they contact you is say ‘sorry I’m busy’ and after a few tries they will be totally gone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): This is very common.As you grow up and out of high school, people go in different directions. Real good friends can go months and months without speaking to each other and when they connect again, they start right where they left off. Sure, your common ground may have changed, but again, if you are truly are good friends you will both be interested in what is going on in each other's lives. This may not be the case with these ladies anymore.Sometimes those great friendships just run their course. They fade out and you just don't have the interest to keep it going. Our lives change so much and our friends do too. As you get even older, people who were not even in your social circle in high school might appear and you find out you have a ton in common with them. If you eventually marry and have children and they start attending school, you are going to have a whole new circle of friends. They come in many ways and from many places.I would not cut anyone off, or have any resentment towards these friends or read into anything. If your friendships have to be tit for tat, they really aren't friendships.
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