A
female
age
41-50,
*likenight
writes:I am a stay at home mom with a 4 mo. old, and I'm also pregnant. My older sister works full time and whenever her day care woman is unavailable, she asks me to watch her 4 y/o daughter. She gets here at 6 a.m. to drop her off, and doesn't pick her up until 5 p.m. She doesn't go back to bed so I have to stay up and I usually don't get up until around 10 a.m. b/c with the baby I don't get to sleep until later. Her daughter is an only child, and she's used to getting her own way. She doesn't act respectful and if I tell her no, she screams and cries. She doesn't listen either, she runs on my couch, and I tell her to quit and she will do it again when I am not looking, and she ends up falling and hurting herself then she screams and I have to kiss her butt to get her to stop b/c that is what she's used to. I really don't like watching her, or getting up that early. It's hard to entertain her and watch after my baby..and I have a hyper pit bull and she screams when he goes near her so I feel like I have to keep him caged up all day which I hate doing. My sister and her husband make really good $, and I am really broke but they don't offer to pay me. And I can't ask her to baby sit for me b/c they are builing a new home and all their extra time is devoted to the house. Last Sat., I went to a wedding and I wanted her to watch my daughter, but she was busy painting her house. Anyways, I know if I said anything to my sister, she would get really offended b/c she is really emotional and cries at the drop of a hat. And I don't want to cause any conflict in the family. Do you think it's selfish of me to expect to get paid? She pays the day care lady and she knows I could use the $ so I think she should offer. I dread watching her. Is that wrong??
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female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (28 August 2007):
 I had this when my sister first had her little girl. I love looking after my niece, especially since I found out I was pregnant and it made for good practise. The one afternoon a week then went up to two, then I'd look after her on a fri morning. And if my sister and her guy wanted to go out at the weekend I was the first they would call.
There is doing the family duty and then there's having the micky taken out of you.
I sat down with my sister and explained that I couldn't be her "free" baby sitter so she could go swanning off out whenever she felt like it. My health has stopped me looking after her aswell.
You need to be thinking about you and your baby and the fact you are pregnant. Maybe a quiet word with your sister to say I'm sorry but either I get paid a little bit or you put your child in a nursery.
If she gets all "your my sister you should do it for free" like my sister did then just say one afternoon or day a week is all you will do for free. You cant let her walk all over you :)
xxxxxxx
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Oops! I accidentally wrote "Since you are left in her [your niece's] care..." and I meant to write that she's in your care (obviously!). Guess that shows what your post really said to me. Don't let your good nature allow you to be taken advantage of walked over. Enough is enough - especially when you're pregnant.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Well I would take a deep breath and just come out and tell her that you want to be compensated or she will have to find another substitute for her day-care provider. Also don't let her drop her kid off when she's sick your sister should stay home from work whenever that happens so your kids don't get sick. Be firm with your sister, she sounds like a "taker" to me.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (27 August 2007):
Hi there anonymous,
It's not selfish of you to expect payment for babysitting, even if it's for a family member. I just read a really good article - part of it talked about whether or not you should pay a friend/family member for a service, and the answer was always yes.
I will have to go home and update your question with what the article states later. It might help you tactfully ask for payment the next time your sister wants you to watch her daughter. In the meantime, you might want to consider some things you can bring up to enforce why you think you should be paid. For starters, does her daughter arrive with food? That right there is an amount of money that cannot be negotiated, as opposed to something like what you think you should receive for your labor.
If I were you, I would honestly let your sister know that you are not able to watch her child at the moment - that you have your hands full with your own baby.
Have you spoken to your sister before about her daughter's tantrums, etc? If you have, I would let her know that you're very sorry, but you really cannot watch her child unless she is told she has to listen to you - and actually does listen. Perhaps your sister can enforce that you are the person in charge.
Let me ask you - have you tried to punish the girl for acting crazy? Since you are left in her care, it seems like your rules would be applicable to her. Maybe take away some of her toys until she apologizes and listens to you, or you could put her in time-out. What methods does your sister use? You could do the same things.
So if you do watch your neice again, I would make it clear that you'll only do that if she understands that you're the boss and your sister understands that there will be some form of payment. If it's not acceptable to you - then don't accept it! Afterall, you've already done her enough favors so far. I don't see why you should tolerate that amount of stress for nothing. (And it's really not healthy for you to endure that while you're pregnant again.)
I'll get back to you on that article. I hope that I've helped out somewhat, though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): I am the poster of the question. I really don't need her to babysit my kid b/c I am pregnant and I never go out b/c of that and b/c I don't have money to go out... so asking her equal babysitting time isn't relevant. Plus I don't want my baby to be away from me for no reason, like someone might say "just have her babysit so you can have a night to yourself." But I wouldn't enjoy that..
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 August 2007):
You are being taken advantage of because you are allowing it to happen. Tell your sister you want to be paid or that you want equal time with her babysitting your baby. Fair is fair. If she gets emotional on you just ignore her, sounds like she uses that to get her way too often.
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