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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ever since I got a job and car, I've noticed my bf has been turning his head the other way in terms of picking me up, taking me out, etc. Those responsibilities have landed themselves on my head and I'm the only one putting in any effort now (i would say a ratio of 70-30). The only times he ever drops by is when it's super convenient for him (because he's around the area) or when he hasn't seen me in about 10 days and "misses" me... He even bluntly states that I'm a "big girl with a car now" and that I "make more money than him" so I have to pay for him (which isn't true, he earns and works more than I do). SO why do his guilt trips work? Is it really that wrong to expect the guy to do the driving /taking out once in a while? Even after 3 years. I remember in the initial stages, him GOING OUT of his WAY to see me. Like if I had a nightmare at 3 AM he would drive over to my house, no problem, no questions asked. What happened to that? Was it because I didn't have a job or car and was "needy" ?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 September 2012):
 I think he is starting to take you for granted, which in some cases make the other person seem "lazy".
I don't see there is anything wrong with either of you paying or driving, specially not after 3 years, BUT for him to try and "guilt" you into doing it, seems wrong to me. Sorta like a tit for tat. As in when he was the only one with a car HE did all the driving, now that you both have one he thinks you somehow OWE him to drive.
There is something to be said for being independent in a relationship, it is nice. And there is something to be said for a girl who takes the initiative to see her guy too, not just to sit and wait for him to come by.
I would be honest with him and sit him down and tell him how it seems like he doesn't really want to put in an effort any more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your thoughtful reply :) it hurts to know that he could just not care that much about me... When we are together , he tells me he loves me and everything like that. Ive been stopping myself from coming over for a week now and it just irks me that he hasn't even asked when he is going to see me or anything :(
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 He is doing that because he feels vulnerable to be in your position now. If he doesn't do the courting then he is comfortable that you will. So what you do is stop visiting him, see how much effort he makes to see you, then decide if his efforts are satisfactory to you. I am not satisfied with a once in a week deal. There can also be underlying issues in the relationship, or that he does not see a destination to this relationship. Guys will court women, because it is their instinct. But what is the point, the end result of courting? It doesn't take much common sense to know that most people want to get married and start a family. If he does not see this in the future, he will not see a point of continuing to court you, or he does not care about losing you. You don't have to ask him where you stand in the relationship. If a guy stops courting a girl, just assume that he is not looking for something deeper and you have to tell him you are indeed looking for more. Ideally courtship is a lifelong thing. A guy who does not understand this, or is to lazy to please a woman, is not worth your committing.
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