A
female
age
41-50,
*asou812
writes:Dear Cupid.I have been in a relationship with a wounderful man, I love him very much. We should have met years ago! He is very much into women. matter of fact he makes comments often. i say he is infatuated. That is ok to a point, sure I tend to get a little upset. But i know he is coming home with me. Anyhow, recently we have had conversations, and he states how he would luv to watch two girls together. I am assuming he wants to join. Now i know this may sound stingy, but i would do this, but i would not want him to join, I would not and could not think or even see him getting it on with another woman. I would like to fill his fantasy, but not let him join. Help!Yours Truelywimemedineme69me Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 Just a footnote...your follow up has added an important detail left out of your original post. It appears it's not just HIS fantasy you were thinking of fulfilling here. My response was based on you wanting to do this only for him despite your own reservations.
If you're hoping to dally with others in the future, it would be unreasonable to expect your boyfriend to be exclusive to you. You can negotiate parametres that work for both of you at that time.
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
Good for you. Should you decide to go ahead with this in the future, be sure and do your homework first. There are plenty of books and online articles. You can join swinger forums and talk to people there.
Thanks for the feedback.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, basou812 +, writes (2 November 2009):
basou812 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate all the input. That is really great that we all tend to lookout for one another. Alot of the suggestions and pointers have helped me decide. That is not to fulfill bringing in someone for a threesum. I will admit....i wouldnt mind another female. Cuz i feel that in the ways of kissing...touching...caressing...we know what we each want. MMMMM.........
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (29 October 2009):
 He will join in. You'd be better off not to go there. It could end badly. Best to fulfill one of his other fantasies (men have endless amounts). Perhaps you could take up belly dancing lessons, or learn how to pole dance and then give him a private show. It's every man's fantasy to see (and be with) two chicks at the same time, but a wise woman knows it's better to leave some things in the fantasy world. You wouldn't feed your precious child 6 candy bars, 4 sodas and 2 ice cream cones for dinner, but it is the desire of every child to overindulge on sweet treats. Some things should never become a reality.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (28 October 2009):
DISCLAIMER: The following does not apply to all men who fantasize about threesomes or watching two women get it on. Most will respect their partner’s limits and while they prefer more, they enjoy and are grateful for whatever involvement their partners permit them. In reading your post however, I suspect this man isn’t one of them.
Technically speaking, sexual exclusivity in a relationship means sex with each other to the exclusion of everyone else. Once you invite another party to join you in bed, you are no longer exclusive. When he gets tired of just watching, he’s going to protest that if you can have sex with others, why can’t he? He won’t be receptive to allowing you to be with another man because his argument will be you both get pleasure from inviting another woman, whereas only YOU get pleasure by inviting another man. This is a sneaky way of protecting himself from competition and jealousy while exposing you to it. Your hard limit is a reasonable one, and the fact that this is HIS fantasy you’re fulfilling, not yours, may become lost in the quagmire.
If this were you fantasy and not his, then I would say if you can play with others he should be able to as well.
If he has not specifically asked you outright, and you are not comfortable sharing him then do NOT volunteer this. Watching two women get it on is a stepping stone to him being included. He's not going to spend a lot of time fantasizing about sitting on the sidelines. His frequent mention of watching two women is his way of getting you accustomed to the idea of sharing him. You playing with another woman in front of him brings you (and him) one step closer to that goal. If that goal frightens you, then keep as much distance between yourself and it as you can.
I’m going to take a wild guess that at your age, you’ve recently become single and this man is the first or one of the first you’ve become involved with since then. Being with him makes you feel young again and has given you a renewed zeal for life and sexual adventure. He’s been honest about his infatuation with multiple women but insists he is a one woman man and you are the one he loves. Overall he’s a good guy, but his frequent mention of other women disturbs you and you suspect deep down inside that if you don’t give him what he wants, he’ll eventually leave you. You know he really wants to join in, but you’re hoping you can delay what you fear is the inevitable by tossing him a bone and crossing your fingers. You know it won’t be enough but you’re afraid to admit that yourself because if you do, you’ll feel obligated to break up with him and you’re not ready for that.
Even if this is true, you needn’t break up with him now. Enjoy what you have while it lasts and don’t make a big emotional investment. Treat it as a fun and exciting short term liaison. Everyone you meet is not going to perfect and relationships don’t have to last forever for them to be beneficial to us.
Whether or not you choose to proceed with this fantasy of his, I recommend you at least do your homework. Read everything you can. I’ve included some links I think might help you. You might want to consider playing with this woman on your own without him even there (with his consent of course). Pressure to perform for an audience can ruin the mood especially if you haven’t been with a woman before. Next, I suggest you mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for a scenario that includes him. I would do this privately and say nothing to him just yet, lest he mistake it for a green light and get his hopes (and other things) up.
Open relationships and group sex can work. They can be exciting and many couples are happier than ever for having engaged in them. However they are very risky. It takes a certain mindset to be able to enjoy sharing your partner with others and most people don’t have it.
Your man friend may be nothing like what I’ve described and if I’ve done him any disservice, I do apologize. Maybe he does just want to watch two women. He just reminds me strongly of someone I used to know.
Links:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/control-tower/Content?oid=2017933&hp
http://ca.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/201_love_tip.html
http://www.tootimid.com/index.php/articles/info/having-a-threesome/
http://www.articlesbase.com/article-tags/threesome
http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/
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A
female
reader, AskLadyJuJu + ♥, writes (28 October 2009):
 well i have to disagree with caring guy.. i mean it can be harmful so u have to be careful but if he told you its for a reason. he probably told you because he wants an adventure and somethin new.. if he said he just wants to watch then just go as far as watchin and when the other girl leaves then you get it on with him.. my boyfriend wants to do the samething he just likes the fact that he can watch his girl and another girl getting it on its a turn on he says. its better then him cheating with someone behind your back just make sure its with a girl who wont get attached and continue ..and dont let him join! if you let him join it wont be the same.. i told my boyfriend hes not joining but he can fuck me and watch but thats the farthest hes getting....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  + ♥, writes (28 October 2009):
I wouldn't go down this route. Threesomes and partners doing this has often ended in heartache. If he joins in, you'll end up feeling used and hurt, and if he doesn't join in, he'll feel like he's been cheated. I would suggest that you don't do this. Try and explore other fantasies, and perhaps make sure he's actually focusing on you and not other women as well. Don't allow yourself to be second best.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 + ♥, writes (28 October 2009):
I would suggest that he very well may have a similar problem with seeing you with another person. Fantasy sometimes is just that, fantasy, and not meant to become reality.
If you could handle being with someone else in front of him, and he could handle seeing it, why not let him join? Make it about pleasing you. He only touches you, she only touches you, you touch whomever you want.
Personally, and from experience, I would suggest you don't go down that path at all. It's an invitation for trouble of one sort or another.
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