A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help! I don't know who I have become. I've become someone I despise; an overbearing, desperate, needy girl. I never thought it would happen to me. I thought I was more independent than that. My bf broke up with me. I texted him and asked him to work things out. He said that there was nothing to work out. I drove to his house (so pathetic, I know..I don't know what I was thinking) and told him I would wait outside until he talked to me. We talked on the phone and he said I was invading his space and he felt so uncomfortable and that he was being forced to be with me because I didn't give him a choice and that I should understand breaking up is what will make him happy. He finally went home and five minutes after seeing me, he apologizes for "being mean" and tells me how he loves me, how he missed me, and asks if I want to go to dinner with him. He said that I make him happy.I'm so confused. I feel so ashamed and so dirty because I feel like I have lost my dignity. What's wrong with me? I said things to him that I never thought I would say. I practically begged him to stay with me. I hate myself for it. But my heart just couldn't let him go even though my mind was fighting tooth and nail to be sensible.I want my independence back. I want to be able to be happy without him. He is leaving for a couple weeks so I think this is my chance to find myself again. I still want to be with him, I just need to be my own person too. Is it possible for me to accomplish this??
View related questions:
broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Yes you can. A true, real relationship is not about seeking happiness. It's about sharing happiness. I've spoke with many couples over the years. I enjoy hearing stories from older married couples. What I've found, that sustains their marriage is that they are happy being who they are, and instead of depending on the other person creating happiness, they simply share the happiness they already have with the other person.
It's nice to have someone, but truthfully, he can't create for you what you do not have.
A
male
reader, raven100  +, writes (8 August 2009):
Hi,Can you tell me why he told you: "I was invading his space and he felt so uncomfortable and that he was being forced to be with me because I didn't give him a choice"For me it seems that his rules are not your rules. I'm talking about the rules of relationship. Do you know his rules now? and can you live according to them?I think that you will break up sooner or later, why? You are just different, you have different needs and different models of happy relationships. He told you the truth, after that he realized he needs you, so he apologized. But this is now. But what can happen if he meets some new girl. He goonna start thinking about a change.What you really need to do is talk with him. Talk about the rules, you must know what is important for each other.You regret what you have said, you feel now dirty! They are so strong emotions. You must find the happiness within you, why? because it is only in you! You know that answer. We got powerful brains, we know all of that intuitively. But now we know that conciously.Be concious!God bless you!R.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I'm going to put things into a new perspective and have my own life and let him have his own so that we can both find happiness even if we don't end up together. I'm tired of depending on someone else for happiness; I can do it, I know I can! I do remember being happy before I had a bf, and I know I can get those happy times back again.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 August 2009):
Coming to terms that you're not the only one with independence. Your relationship should be, you're having your life, he has his life, then you have your life together. The begging, don't worry about it. Even the independent loose track when trying to hold on to what they desire.
What I'm wondering is how great is your trust level for who you're with in a relationship? This can damage independence because you begin wondering what might happen, instead of focusing on what is happening.
You can accomplish and live both. There's no reason why you can't have a relationship and be independent. Think about what might be causing this and change that direction.
...............................
|
