A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible for a crush on unattainable women to just fade without trying to get rid of it? I have a girlfriend and work with a woman who is married but gives herself away all the time - she clearly has a little thing for me. For a while now our friendship has blossomed but stupidly that allowed us to go a bit over the top in indulging in our flirting. Given how we're friends I can't really do the smart thing and keep my distance from her - at least not without an explanation otherwise I'd look like a jerk. But if I did tell her then it would either make things awkward at work or could just be the straw that broke the camels back and lead to something more. Any advice about what I can do?
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female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (24 August 2013):
 Looking back on my last answer, I realize I may have jumped the gun in telling you to look for a new job. I don't know what type of job you have, so it may not be easy for you to replace it. There are still other ways you can discourage your crush on her. Keep personal conversations to a minimum. Only talk about work related things, and if the conversation starts to turn personal at all, politely excuse yourself. Try to avoid being alone with her. You won't look like a jerk if you keep your distance. You can even be honest with her if you'd like. Tell her you can't continue the flirting because you're afraid things might go further, and you want to stay faithful to your girlfriend. Also, consider that she's married yet flirting with you says something about her character. Do you really want to become involved with someone who is willing to cheat on her husband? She could be flirting with a lot of guys, and you may not be anyone special to her. In which case, she wouldn't stop if you were to become involved with her.
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive +, writes (23 August 2013):
No, I'm afraid not. If you're not trying to get rid of your attraction to her, then that means you're feeding it. In which case, it's not going to go away. It's going to get worse. If you want to stay with your girlfriend, then you may end up having to look for a new job. Then quit your current job as soon as you find a new one. It sounds to me like there is no other way, because you're having such difficulty controlling yourself. I know how powerful attraction can be, but you're still responsible for how you handle it.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Listen, the right thing to do is usually not the easy thing to do.
You know that you're playing with fire, and you won't put it out because you don't want to end your friendship with her? This isn't a friendship... this is a dangerous pairing of two people with chemistry between them. Calling this a "friendship" is BS, buddy. A real friend wouldn't compromise your marriage. And a real husband wouldn't stay in such a compromising position.
You may be worried that you'll look like a jerk if you say, "I'm married, I don't want to mess that up, we can't do this anymore. We shouldn't talk or hang out. I love my wife and she is more important to me than this friendship", but you will look like a total, TOTAL jerk if you end up PHYSICALLY CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE!
You are in control of your own actions. You are in control of the fate of your marriage. Like WiseOwl said, you have already cheated on your wife by taking things this far - now you need to grow up and cut it out.
Pick your priorities and decide what kind of man and husband you want to be. If you want to be weak, give into temptation, be selfish, shameless and disrespectful, then go ahead and get with this married woman (and really, think about her husband. Who cares if she's slept with others before, just because others have doesn't mean that you get to be scummy too). But, I encourage you to be courageous and honorable and do the right thing, even though it might not be the easy thing.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Go ahead and cheat on your girlfriend. You're already doing it by heavily flirting with a married woman at work. She has no scruples; so that makes it alright for you to cheat. Right?
It's just a matter of time before you cross the line, screw; and go home and pretend nothing happened.
Are you such a jerk that you can't just walk away from this crap; and prove that men do have control over their dicks?
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