A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:As Katy Perry said "I Kissed a girl and I liked it". The problem is the girl who kissed me was a friend and I responded. I was quite ashamed about it and never spoke about it to anyone until the other day, when I accidently slipped to a friend, about the person in question. I ran away from the girl and my feelings. it was not sexual, it was the feeling of being loved and cared for.I've had bad experiences with men and find them intimidating because I was abused at a young age and raped later on. I would love to have a relationship with a man and have the feelings, that i had with the friend.The friend that i slipped upto feels that the reason i am ashamed is because I liked it and I think about what other people would say.Yes, this is true but I don't want people to think I'm a Lesbian because I enjoyed the feeling it gave me.I don't look at women in that way, I think I'm just scared that another man may come into my life and hurt me.Is it okay to embrace the feeling the friend gave me and does it make me gay? Sex to me makes me feel dirty, will i ever feel different about myself?How do I get past the abuse and love myself?My family life wasn't any better, my mother and I never had a bond and I craved to be loved, accepted and cared for, but she didn't give me any of those things. As for my dad he was a violent abusive bully.I feel confused in who i am and what i want.What i crave for is normality and that for me is just a fairytale.
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female
reader, DenimandLace44  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 I think you felt safer with this friend. Its totally understandable and it doesnt mean you are "gay" "lesbian" or even bi.
Councelling would be really good. Go slow in your relationships and dont do anything you arent comfortable with. The more.comfortable you are and the more you trust your partner, the more you will be able to seperate the abuse from the loving relationship.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 So many people crave that feeling of being loved and cared for. That you're over 30 and in that situation, having felt it only fleetingly in the past, it awfully sad. You should revel in that feeling wherever it comes from.
You implied that you would like to be with a man but are prevented by memories of your past abuse. Understandable. There are, however, counsellors who can help you move past this. May I suggest you contact a women's shelter for a referral to a counsellor who specializes in this area.
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): It doesn't mean you're a lesbian it could me you just liked the feeling of closeness and maybe it felt safe with a woman given your past. I think you need to address the abuse you suffered.
Have you ever had any councelling or had any other type of therapy? If you haven't i suggest you do because you need to sort out those issues before you think about dating again.
Kissing another woman is nothing to be ashamed off at all. You say sex makes you feel dirty and i understand why but you really need to look into some kind of therapy so you can move past it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 hi well first off just because you enjoyed this kiss does not make you gay, believe me plenty of girls kiss each other its no big deal, why are you so afraid to be called a lesbian anyway? whoever you are just be proud of it, but it sounds to me like you are straight but this kiss just made you feel good.
Am sorry to hear about your past, did you ever get councilling for the abuse and rape? If not go and see your doctor now and arrange a session, talking about it to a professional and them helping you to deal with it is the best way to get it out of your system believe me. You need to start loving yourself again before going near a man or a woman, believe me once you get the help you need im sure a nice man will come along and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
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