A
male
age
30-35,
*rBrightside90
writes:Hey guys,I want to ask one question; Is it disrespectfull to tell your girlfriend that you are sexually frustrated?Well I am 17 years old, and my girlfriend is 16. We are dating for like 10 months now. I haven't ever foreced her to have sex with me, to do things she is not into, never. But i am sort of sexually frustrated lately, and i figured out it would be better to be honest to the girl i love than just watch porn every day.Well it did not turn out that well, she got very upset. She is mad at me now, very mad. She told me ; 'You basically told me that i am not good enough.' Well i didnt mean to do that ever, its not like i am going to cheat on her now.I just want to feel desired, sex is not the most important issue. Thanks
View related questions:
porn, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Rockenrobs  +, writes (29 September 2011):
dude im totally in the same boat. my girlfriend is the sweetest girl in the world. ide do anything for her. we hold hangs and "cuddle" but it seems she never wants to really get it on. we're both 18 . im goin to just work into it and i suggest you do the same. kiss her a lot. my girl loves making out so maybe after a while let your hands can wonder and see how she reacts. i think its important for them to know we feel.
A
male
reader, MrBrightside90 +, writes (3 April 2009):
MrBrightside90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell actually , we have been physical few weeks ago, We are like once every month or so, maybe even more. I just wanted to talk to her about this, but she got mad instantly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Telling a partner true thoughts and feelings are okay. The only exception is if your disclosure actually endangers someone. In this case it appears it doesn't.
I think it's worth the risk of ruffling a friendship to be open and honest than hold secrets, even your own feelings.
The hope is that our partner responds responsibly. For your story, she blamed you for her hurt feelings. While I think that is unfortunate, that's frankly her problem to choose hurt and blame when you merely shared your own thoughts.
I think you're on the right track. And sometimes, we may want to educate our partners about appropriate responses. I would have told my girlfriend, "While you are hurt, I would appreciate you not making this about you. I am merely expressing that I have a high libido plus I want to explore more. I'm just observing that I want more than you do. More importantly, I want to know I am desired."
Now, in a more specific light, your age statistically does not warrant sexual stability with another. So I would carefully set up a standard of operation for yourself; establish sexual guidelines which are healthy and only assist your long term goals of the kind of man you want to become. Be sure to treat and perceive women the way you want to be respected and valued.
...............................
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (3 April 2009):
 The thing is, if she isn't interested in sex right now, or even making out and being physical on some level, but you are, then you might want to end the relationship.
Bottom line is that she shouldn't feel pressured to do anything she doesn't want to. You aren't a bad person for wanting those things, but just understand that she might still be learning things about you and connecting with you on a more basic level.
It's up to you though. If you do break up with her, just let her know it isn't because she did anything wrong, just that you two seem to be interested in different things, and that you would never want her to feel pressured.
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 if you were my boyfriend i'd tell you to satisfy yourself! its cheeky to tell her this, noiw she will feel under pressure!
...............................
A
male
reader, MrBrightside90 +, writes (3 April 2009):
MrBrightside90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually , we are not having 'sex', as in intercourse. When we are alone, she often doesnt feel like making-out or doing sexual stuff.
I am kind of upset that i hurt her feelings, but on the other hand i was kind of honest with her, she often tells me to be more honest about my feelings, so when i do, i fail, she gets mad, etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (3 April 2009):
The thing is, women are more aware of your frustrations than you know. We usually strive to find a balance between enough sex for you, and enough rest for us.
So yes, telling her that you are frustrated when she is probably having sex with you as much as she can get away with (assuming you both are seaking behind her parents backs) is only going to hurt her and make her feel inadequate, that somehow this is all her fault.
The truth of the matter is that you both are still young, and not presented with many opportune times to get together. So telling her you are frustrated over something she has no control over is just going to upset her. It just is.
Explain to her that it's not her, but the situation you are both in. Let her know the difference between you being frustrated with her versus you being frstrated because you two don't get a lot of time to be together the way you want. There is a big difference, and you need to articulate that better to her to avoid her having these hurt feelings.
And in a way, telling her this IS a form of making her feel pressured into having sex with you when she might not want to. Please be careful of waht you say to her in the future is all.
...............................
|
