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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: im 25 and ive been in a relationship for almost 2 years now.i have to make myself fantasize if i want to get through sex with my boyfriend and he has really small you know what. he wants to get married but im so confused because of how i feel about the sex and also because except for the fact that he loves me (and i love him immensely) there is no financial security and his family is horrible(my family detests him also) and will surely try to screw up our lives. is it ok to be with a guy if he's good and treats you well when every aspect of everything else sucks? im miserably stuck. please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Don't marry him, you wont be happy. Marriage takes whatever problems you have already and make them 10 times worse. If you're unhappy now, you surely will be miserable if you get married to him.
Why not find someone who is nice, but checks more of the other boxes as well? If you want nice you can get a new friend. Boyfriend takes a bit more than just.. nice...
Does he make you happy? Then stay. But if you feel stuck, and unhappy, miserable, confused etc.: go.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): "i have to make myself fantasize if i want to get through sex with my boyfriend and he has really small you know what."These problems stem from within you, his penis size has nothing to do with it.You say you love him immensely, but you have to fantasize to get through sex with him.Why?Why does the size of his penis bother you?What is wrong inside you, that makes you feel this way about someone you claim to love immensely."is it ok to be with a guy if he's good and treats you well when every aspect of everything else sucks?"Why does everything else suck?Honestly, the best we can hope for in life is to have someone who will treat us well. If you have that, you have something that most people never get for very long. However, it sounds like you are treating him all that well, that you don't feel comfortable with intimacy with him, and that you are thinking it is him, his family, his penis, his finances, etc.But, it's not (unless he is a jerk, irresponsible personally and financially, and unfaithful - which means he doesn't treat you well).It sounds like it might be you.Think of it like this - If his penis suddenly was larger - would things be better and you'd marry him?If so, then leave, because a penis is not a marriage. You could be married for 6 years, two children, a guy comes along with a bigger penis, and the next thing you know you are fucking the other guy. Throw your marriage away for a bigger penis. Does it happen? Yeah, it happens.If his finances were suddenly better - would you marry him?If so, then leave, because money doesn't make marriages easier, and money can't be guaranteed (my wife and I were financially well off for the first 10 years of our marriage and the last 10 years of it have been financial hell nonstop).If his family were suddenly like your family, would your family say "marry him" and you'd be ok with that and marry him?If so, then you are marrying him for the wrong reasons.Ideally, you marry someone because they love you, you love them, they treat you well, you treat them well, you have common interests, common goals, and you are both responsible and compatible and want to make a life together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): You say you love him immensely, do you mean that you would like to be with him if outside influences were not a problem? If this is the case then hang in there and things will one day get better! Better to be with the one that you love than miserable with all the fancy trimmings but have no love!
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