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Is it ok if I change my mind about having a threeway?

Tagged as: Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 May 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 May 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

OK so early i agreed to do a three way with my bf cuz he wants to but we havent yet but they cant touch each other at all. Than my bf says thats not fair if you do stuff with her if i cant but then i said i cant fall inlove with girls and stuff and you can. But than he kept saying how that sill wasnt fair so i gave in and said fine she can give you a blowjob when it happens but you cant touch her at all. Than last night he asked if he could finger us at the same time that really upset me but i just said no cuz he was just wondering BUT than he asks if we can make some deal on it!! That really pissed me off now i dont even what to do it at all. Is it ok if i change my mind about it? i know it will make him mad though and i dont want to fight about it. Thaks for any help

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A female reader, Orbiter United Kingdom +, writes (8 May 2011):

I agree with the other readers, three-somes aren't a good idea and you shouldn't be pressured into it by your bf. If he gets mad, tough. Your relationship should mean more to him than meaningless sex, he is coming across as very immature.

Check these out to see what could happen:

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/threesome-gone-wrong-hes-always-told-me-he.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/our-threesome-with-another-woman-was-a-mistake.html

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (8 May 2011):

Miamine agony auntSorry, but this sounds very silly. You are going to take off your clothes and get naked with some girl because your boyfriend wants too. Your arranging to do a threesome with a girl but your not bisexual and are not attracted to women. Isn't there going to be a problem when you don't feel aroused at any point. And if your boyfriend doesn't touch her, then it's not really a threesome, it's you and some girl getting off. What happens if he likes her body better than yours and keeps looking at her and saying she's pretty. What happens if he starts to wonder if you like girls and wonders if you are really a lesbian. Where are you going to get this girl from. Have you told her that she can look (at your naked boyfriend) but she can't touch. What happens if she likes boys more than girls and doesn't fancy you. What if he feels that he's missed out and meets her later for sex? What type of sex act are you planning to do with this girl, what if she likes girls a lot and gets angry because you don't and can't show much enthusiasm. What if she hates blowjobs but wants your boyfriend to do something else to her instead.

None of this sounds sensible or realistic. If you can't touch this, can't press that, have to do things you don't like and can't do the things you want, I really don't understand the point.

It doesn't sound sexy, it doesn't sound fun, it sounds like a whole lot of work for nothing, that will end up making you feel insecure, unattractive, jealous and angry for you letting your boyfriend talk you into sharing your body with someone else. Why are you doing a threesome, aren't you enough to keep him happy?

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (8 May 2011):

person12345 agony auntThreesomes are often a very bad idea, and in this case it sounds like it will definitely be a bad idea. Your boyfriend is acting extremely inconsiderate and childish. Because of how insistant he is that he gets to touch the other woman, it sounds like he just wants an excuse to cheat with permission. More often than not a threesome creates more problems than it's worth. If you don't want a threesome, don't do it. You sound like you're ONLY doing this for him, and extremely reluctantly, which is guaranteed to create problems later on. If he can't deal with the idea of only having to have sex with you, then this is not a guy you want to be dating.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2011):

angelDlite agony auntthreesomes are very often a bad idea. in your case it will be a terrible idea coz you are already showing that you are jealous and insecure about it in that you are forbidding him from touching her. definitely tell him you have changed your mind coz if you feel like this NOW i imagine you will feel much worse when you are actually doing it. remember it was his idea, not yours so you should not feel bad about saying no. you may be afraid that he will ditch you if you back out of this 3some, but if he does, then he isn't a boyfriend worth having is he?

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