A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to fall out of love then back in? I've been with a guy for three years and it is almost our fourth year together. Our relationship started out bad because my family didn't like him. I fought to be with him though. Now, I spent time with his family and I feel like I don't belong with him. The way he is with his family is different because he spends more time with them and I am pretty much isolated with mine. I also have issues with him not being able to drive because his mom expects him to pick up his baby brother out in the cold. Also, he doesn't have a job and he's getting used to living with his mother. I used to be in the phase where I loved him for who he is but now I am realizing that I can't. If I break up with him, he will cry and cry. I didn't think of how hard it was to love someone who doesn't have a job or car. Our love for each other is also limited by other people. What should I do? I am not after money or anything. I just feel like he won't be able to provide for me in the future. I can provide for myself but it doesn't seem right if we cannot work together financially.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2015): Either you love him or you don't. You don't fall out of love and back in again. Your feelings are mixed because you're confusing your pity for her situation with your fondness for him. Yet you realize you're not a good match for more reasons than just his inability to support himself. It also seems by you description he doesn't have much ambition or motivation to better himself or his situation.
Your common-sense is telling you that it is better to move on.
Listen to it. Let him cry and cry. If he does, that is a sure sign of immaturity and childishness that isn't prepared for a mature relationship. How can you remain with someone held hostage by pity for them? That isn't love.
You're more mature in your thinking and behavior than he is, and you're continuing the relationship because he'll cry.
Seriously?!! Then I guess he'll hold you hostage for long as he can until you decide to make a mature decision.
Time to end it, my dear. He's got his mother to take care of him. Picking up his baby brother in the cold is his only responsibility? He doesn't have much else to do. He should help his mother and his brother. That's one thing he can do to show appreciation for living at home for free. Doesn't he love his younger brother? Should his brother walk home alone in the cold? His mother obviously needs his help.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 November 2015):
 When you were a teenager you could fall in love with almost anyone. Now you are older you have more needs than just companionship. You did not fall out of love because of boredom and familiarity. That could be fixed with getting the spark in, organizing dates and vacations etc. You fell out of love because you realize he did not grow as a man yet. It's possible for you to fall back in love if he decides to take responsibility for his life and to lighten his mother's load. He might feel he has a lot of catch up to do and that's going to pressure him and not do it as rebellion. He wants to stay in the cocoon longer.
Set a time limit on how long you can wait. Boyish years can last until they are in their 40's for some. You don't want to take a gamble then find out later that you are still years ahead of him.
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