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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and half now, we're now living together, we have a wonderful relationship. Hes very caring, and loving towards me, he has his off days now and then but when I need him, he always goes out of his way to make sure I'm ok, and that I know he cares. And I love him very much with all my heart, and he seems like he loves me, but I don't know how to deal with my jealousy over his ex.When we first got together he had only been broken up with his ex for two months, and he still gets upset about her, I will do something and it'll bug him because it'll be something his ex did all the time, etc (although normally, stupidly I'm the one who coaxs the reason out of him, he gets upset over things with his ex, but never tells me until I try to get him to tell me), but now I feel so jealous and insecure towards her. He said it just upsets him because of the way she betrayed him, not because he lost her, but is it normal for her to be part of our relationship? Is it normal to be jealous towards his ex? I love him som uch, and I really do think he loves me, but I'm just hung up on issues with his ex sometimes. but it makes me feel jealous, I hate the idea of him and her together, and I can't shake this really hurt feeling when it comes to her sometimes. Am I just weird? Is it normal?
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female
reader, Karebear +, writes (20 December 2005):
I understand how you feel. I have been in a loving, healthy relationship for over a year now. We live together and are planning to build a house, so I know that he loves me and wants to be with only me. The problem, however, is the ex. As soon as their split he moved out of the area and met me, about 2 months after their break-up. The ex works for his mother, so although she lives 2 hours away, she's always there. I have had problems in the past with boyfriends cheating with their exes, so I'm already more jealous than most. It's hard when you know he's thinking about her occasionally, but you just have to remember...he broke up with her for a reason. He's with you for a reason. It's okay to remember the past, as long as he's not living in it. Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him or any indication that he still loves his ex? Try to quit coaxing him into telling you about his ex. This one is hard, but once you quit hearing about her, you'll quit thinking about her, and eventually, he'll quit thinking about her too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2005): wow. I'm having the same exact problem. My boyfriend dated this girl for a little over 2 years and then she broke up with him for someone else. About 2 months later, we started dating and she's always been a problem in our relationship. she still wants him back and I've even given him the option of getting back with her or staying with me, but he claims to only love me and thats it. Lately though, I'm not even sure how much I believe him anymore since he still brings her up sometimes. I've been with him for over a year and they've been broken up for about a year, and after all this time, I don't think he's let go of her completely and I don't think your boyfriend has either. Sorry I can't give you advice here, but I was just letting you know that there's someone else out there going through the exact same thing and it's a shitty feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): Your feelings are not wrong, but they are getting in the way of having normal, loving relationship with your guy. If you and he have been in a loving, solid, committed relationship for 18 months-it's time for him to bury his past, and come to terms with it. It does sounds like he was hurt deeply and he's still wounded but-everybody can change, if they want to. I suggest some counselling for both you with someone qualified, to work with relationship issues and start setting boundries with him. Let him know you will not tolerate in this relationship. Use your voice..stand up for yourself. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Phyrekiss +, writes (14 December 2005):
 This is very normal for both of you. You should really talk to him about this. First of all, he should let go of her, and any issues he had with her before he can commit and give you his all. You need to give him permission to let go of her. (i.e. - not asking questions or prying even when you know its her on his mind) Ask him what he wants to happen. If you two plan on making this relationship last for a while, then the both of you need to talk about every problem that you have. Nothing is too big/too small to have a conversation about it. The more time you spend talking, the more confident you will feel that he loves you, and is really trying to let go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): Sounds like his jumped into another relationship too fast without thinking out what his true feelings are,if he wants to move on from her and have any future with someone else he has to have nothing to do with his ex and just move on. Being jealous is a natural thing that your not going to be able to stop in this situation, is not a bad thing that your feelings and its not your fault that your feelings this way, the sad thing is with situations like this your the one who will probably have to break up the relationship unless he steps up and moves on its probably never going to work out if the ex is going to always be a problem in the relationship.good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): You are normal but take into consideration the reality here..he is there. With you. Living WITH YOU. Not her so take that into stride and don't be walking on eggshells around the man because you might just upset him...he'll get over it or he won't It is his problem to deal with.Not yours.
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