A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, me and my boyfriend are both 21 but have very different sex drives. I want sex pretty much every day, and I recon if pushed, he would want it once a fortnight (which sucks, because he is awesome). I'm well aware I'm very difficult to please, and apparantly nothing like his last 2 girlfriends in that respect, but he is having problems maintaining erections, and if he does lose it, the situation is worse, though i try to be supportive. I feel like there's something he's not telling me about why he's so disinterested in sex, but any time I try to bring it up, he gets even more hacked off at me.How can I get to the bottom of this before it brings the whole relationship crashing down? Is it normal for a healthy guy of 21 to be this disinterested in sex, or is it just me?
View related questions:
erection, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (22 February 2009):
 You can only be your own best judge, but if you feel he doesn't want sex more frequently and the erection issue is part of a reason he's not telling you, then I think you do need to be a blunt and make sure that you do talk about it to find out whether there is a problem or not.
You've said yourself that you don't want the relationship to come crashing down and that you don't want to pussy-foot around his issue...so go ahead and tackle it directly.
Although given that you've said that when you do have sex he does satisfy you, it would seem to point to simply a low sex drive rather than a lack of interest, and as is said, if that's the case then there is nothing you can really do other than to accept it or try to reach a compromise.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionerm, two fairly different answers. both of which i agree with totally - but do i talk to him bluntly, or be 'creative' (does that require a craft activity?).
it not that he doesnt satisfy me, its just that i wish he'd satisfy me more often! im fairly sure the erection thing is down to something, but when i ask why doesnt want sex the general response is 'meh' (which really helps with my self esteem). i love him, but i dont think i could spend the rest of my life pussy-footing around his issues, and this thing that we dont talk about is blighting everything else.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): It may be that he doesn't have a lot of sexual experience and therefore doesn't have the sort of confidence and take command attitude you are looking for. Perhaps encourage him by telling him what things he does that really drive you crazy (sexual or non-sexual). That way he will feel like he is doing something right.
Telling a guy that you aren't sexually satisfied with him is like a giant kick in the groin for them, it won't make your situation better. Instead you will have to be creative about it.
You are right, his lack of interested is probably systematic of something else. IF it is confidence then start there, BUT it is possible that he just doesn't have the same sexual appetite that you do. What is normal for you and him might be different.
...............................
A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (22 February 2009):
"Normal" is a vague word.
Men and women of all ages can have completely different sex drives, high or low, so don't think of it as a "normal" issue.
Usually erectile loss that can be down to health, but you say he's healthy, so that's unlikely, so it could be stress, tension, embarrassment or nervousness...and given that he gets frustrated when you question him on it, it points to one of those factors.
But while there is a problem with him maintaining an erection, that doesn't have to be related to his sex drive, which may naturally just be low.
You're just going try harder in talking to him...after all no one here can tell you explicitly what is causing his erectile loss...it could be why he is giving the impression he is hiding something.
Talk to him.
You need to be stern and explain that you have the right to a sex life, and you need to know why as a partner he losing his erection, and what you/he can do to help alleviate the problem. And if after the cure he does just have a naturally low sex drive, then it is something that you are unlikely going to change and you are just going to have to respect.
After all, sex isn't the be-all or end-all about a relationship.
Take care
...............................
|
