A
female
age
41-50,
*razychick
writes:I've been seeing my boyfriend for 18 months and we have a baby together. He has 2 daughters with his ex wife and I have 2 children from a previous relationship aswell. We got chatting on a internet site and he lived over 100 miles away, but we just clicked straight away. I love him to bits, he's a great bloke, kind and funny and I still fancy the pants off him but he drives me mad! I can't trust him, theres something holding me back. He begged me to have a baby with him, I wanted to wait but he talked me round. I got especially paranoid whilst pregnant and checked his phone and email. I found some rather saucy messages between him and a girl from when we had been seeing each other for about 3 months. I confronted him and he said he was bored, it meant nothing and he hasnt done it since, but at the same time he was flirting he was asking me to have his baby and telling me how much he loves me. He also speaks to his ex all the time and it really winds me up because she always uses her kids to get him to do things for her. He also let me down loads whilst I was pregnant and left me when I needed him (it was a bad pregnancy) because she would want something. He's made promises that he's broken about standing up to her/not speaking to her even though he knows how I feel. He lives with me but stays with his mum and has his kids friday - sunday every week but it's still not enough for his ex. I'd never want to stop him seeing his girls but he always makes me feel worthless. I know he must care or he wouldnt bother with the 3-4 hour journey back here every week, but he speaks to his ex that often, I feel like he'd rather be there. I'm suffering with postnatal depression at the moment and all this keeps going round in my head. Am I being selfish? Expecting to much from him? Is it my hormones or am I right to be annoyed and worried?.. help me please :(
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female
reader, crazychick +, writes (24 October 2009):
crazychick is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your advice, it's reassuring to know that it isn't just my hormones, I kept wondering if I was being unreasonable or overreacting. He's very confident, but his only real indiscretion was the girl he emailed months ago.Don't get me wrong, he's amazing when he's here, he's supportive and if Im having a bad day he ensures that both my kids and our baby are taken care of. He does live with me, he arrives Sunday evening and stays until friday afternoon when he goes to collect his kids. He was living with his mum when we met, after separating with his wife. His ex lives in the same town as his mum which is miles away so when he collects his children from her, he takes them to stay at his mums as it would be too far to bring them here. When he's here he doesn't go out, he stays with me, and when he's there he doesn't go out very often, he looks after his kids and plays on his computer with his friend in the evenings. It was just the emails with the girl when we started dating that sparked my trust issues. The only girl he chats too on the phone is his ex. He'll tell me something thats going on with her (she's always got drama's... If Im poorly she's dying, I'm suffering with PND, she reakons she's having a breakdown... always to ensure he collects the kids and she wont be stuck with them!) I'll ask how he knows and he'll say, oh I spoke to her earlier... or she text me last night...It just really annoys me... My kids dad doesn't give me money, doesn't do me favours and sees the kids when he wants and I don't question it. Sometimes it's 1 night a week, sometimes 2, but I realise he has a life and can't give up every weekend. She on the other hand goes made if he picks the girls up late of brings them back early as she has them all week. My bf isn't working at the moment so isn't giving her any money so she thinks that a) he should have the kids 50% of the week and b) buy the girls uniforms, weekly shopping, her travel expenses for school, and the loan company that she had her furniture from!! Obviously he has no money so its his mum who ends up buying stuff, and occasionally me! He says he cant chance his number incase there's an emergency, and his mum doesnt like her, so prefers not to get the kids for him, and he cant say no to getting the shopping or gas/electric because its the girls who'd suffer (as she pointed out). She should manage her money better, if she spends her money on herself and cant feed the kids, its her who is irresponsible, but he doesn't want to be seen as a bad dad.What do you think I should say to him?.....
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