A
female
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anonymous
writes:About 2 weeks ago I slept over my bf's house. I told him before that I wasnt ready for sex, so he should not of expected me to sleep with him just cause i agreed to sleeping over...i just wanted to sleep in his arms, nothing more.Anyway, he wanted to have sex and tried forcing/pressuring but it didnt work. After he finally gave up he just turned over and went to sleep, no kiss goodnight or snuggeling. I was like what??? The whole night he slept facing the outside of the bed (not facing towards me). I was a bit upset. Anyway, then in the morning i moved closer to him and put my arms around him, he kinda moved away a bit. so i just turned over. then a bit later he turned over and tried to get me ot have sex again, i continued to say no. then after that he gave up and said 'i shoudl take you home now'. i had to get dressed quickly and wasnt even able to have a shower. he didnt even offer me breakfast. i just feeel like he was trying to get rid of me and i dont like the way he treated me. i got the impression he just wanted sex. after that he seemed different, he would phone less and stuff and now he has broken up with me. do you think he was just wiht me for sex?????if so, how do i get over feeling like it wasnt something more personal? like me being to 'conservative'- thats what his friends would ssay about me and look downupon me for.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): As a guy, I think a girl wanting to sleep over is definitely an invitation to TRY to have sex with her. Even if she says "I just wanna cuddle" in a normal tone at the beginning of the evening, I would probably still at least take a crack at snuggling her into sex unless she had really made a point about no sex earlier.
But I do NOT think a girl wanting to sleep in my bed is automatically an excuse to be uncomfortably pushy & asshole about it and get rude if she's not interested though.
That guy sounded like a dick from the way you described it. You shouldn't have had to fight him off that hard. And he shouldn't have held it against you just to turn him down that time. Sex is nice but he should have been able to handle being turned down.
Some of it depends on the situation and the girl too. Some girls I would go after even when they had said no sex, and other girls it would only take saying that one time to make me back off about it entirely.
A lot of it depends on how well we knew each other and got along, whether we'd been sexual/physical before, what the "personality" of her sexuality is, etc.
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (10 May 2008):
 Laura is right, guys think very differently than us, especially at that age. When you get older, you will find your hormones are going to be similar! Right now, it is really romantic to want to spend the night with your boyfriend and just hold each other, I understand this. You'll have this with the right guy. Unfortunately, your boyfriend (not unlike a lot of guys) took this very personally and got his ego smashed. It's not your fault and you didn't intend this, I know, but his ego was directly tied to sex! You don't want this kind of guy, okay?
Please do remember this next time because there are not a lot of guys you can really trust in this kind of situation and it can lead to things and situations you may not find yourself in control of! Don't take this too personally, it has more to do with his immaturity than anything else, okay?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 May 2008):
 The males don't think the same like females.
Coming over to sleep with him is an invitation for sex no
matter what you tell him or how you see it.
This is a mixed signal and could be interpreted in a wrong way.
They will treat what you say as only excuses to sleep on the same bed or have sex.
They will not take it seriously what you said and they cannot really read your mind.
It is not easy for him to control when you only want to cuddle him in your sleep .
It is a case of so near and yet so far.
He could not score and he was very frustrated with your defensive walls.
From his actions and behaviours, we can only infer that he
was only interested in sex with you and not any emotional relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I guess I never thought about the fact that hes a guy and has what some would describe as 'uncontrollable hormones'. liek to me, sharing a bed with someone doesnt make me want to have sex, but i guess maybe thats cuz im a girl??
I put myself in that situation because i love the idea of having somoene to hug while sleep and thought that would be so nice nad i thought he would like that too...but apparantly not, seemed like he just wanted sex.
i honestly didnt think it would be a problem cuz with my bf before him, he had no problem with it. but ill remmeber this for next time!!
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (10 May 2008):
For a lot of guys, actions speak louder than words- spending the night in his bed does leave the door open to other things, in his mind. It's just how many guys think. Pressuring you was wrong and so was how he handled it. It doesn't surprise me though if he's a young guy with his hormones raging! He clearly doesn't have the maturity to handle the situation in a sensitive way and I really believe that if you aren't prepared to have sex, why put yourself in these situations? I'm not defending him but I do think you should be careful because sometimes really bad situations can come out of it and you can't trust every guy to be a "gentleman". I had this happen to me when I was around your age but I had my own car and left the scene very quickly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see what you guys are saying but i dont see how he could get the wrong impression when i told him when he asked me if i wanted to stay over that yes i did, but i just wanted to sleep and that was it. so if he felt he couldnt control himself then he should not of let me sleep over really i think.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (10 May 2008):
I agree with the other aunts, you should never feel pressured into sex. I'm not sure how old you are either. I just wanted to suggest something to you and that's to not tell your boyfriend that you are going to spend the night alone, sleep next to him, and cuddle with him and not expect him to try to initiate sex- it is unfair really and it does send mixed signals. If you are going to set a boundary, not have sex, be firm about it and don't put yourself and your boyfriend in those situations. I think your boyfriend didn't handle this well at all but I also think he probably felt rejected. I'm not saying you're at fault here but in the future, I wouldn't put yourself in these situations with boys because some will get the wrong impression, okay?
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (10 May 2008):
 Don't you think you was unwise sleeping in the same bed as your bf, when clearly he wants sex? I mean you left yourself open wide to his sexual advances, and because he did not get his way he has finally dumped you.
If you had no intention of having sex with him, then do not share a bed with him, plain and simple. Now you know that he is only after one thing, you finally found out the hard way. Next time you get with a guy, try not to make the same mistake or he may succeed and rape you because you made yourself vulnerable. Take care Hun. Dusky xxx.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (10 May 2008):
He is not your type and you are both incompatible.
He wanted sex and you wanted love .
You did not play ball with him and you gave him the wrong signals.
Like the story of the wolf and those grapes.
He could'nt eat it and became sour grapes.
You are lucky you discovered this early in your relationship.
Don't sell yourself short.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): honey, he's after sex and doesn't respect you. thank God,now you can get someone better and if anyone isn't ready to wait for you,then they do not deserve you one bit. :-)
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A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (10 May 2008):
 If you are conservative then for good. this guy is just not into you.the way you ended up in nite can still be justified ,that out of frustrfation,he turned away but if he started at same note in morning too then he was just intersted in sex and he intentionlly kept himself distant from you during nite so that in morning you would give in but thats quite smart of you that you stood with your decision and didnt give in to his sexual thirt.
But i still think that he should get one more chance,just ask him directly about that nite and see what he has to say but make sure never give your consent until you too want that.
I consider you sensible enuff to see if your bf is with you just for sex or he even has some feelings.
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