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*almaniac
writes: I posted a note on here a week ago about my bf/ex bf being so distant. He has been ignoring all my texts/phone calls for about a month now besides 2 texts he sent that were basically telling me he'd call me when he wanted to get back w/me and that I was just making things worse. Even still,i would send him a text a day just to let him know i was still there for him/loved him etc.(he's going thru alot right now w/figuring his life out and had some drinking problems which is why he's being so distant i think because it wasn't a question of whether or not we love each other). Ok well today I got info for him from a counselors office and wanted to take it to him so i called him expecting to get voicemail but he actually answered. he talked for a little bit when i asked him what he was doing but when i started saying i went to the counselors office he hung up. i called back and got his voicemail. What does this mean? Why did he finally answer after all this time knowing it was me calling and actually talk to me but then hang up? I'm not sure if this is a good sign or a bad sign. I really want to be w/this guy more than anything and figured if i could help him than we can get back on track but he's making it so difficult! i don't want to be another person that walks out of his life. he's had too much of that. We were equally committed to being w/each other until all his problems hit him at once now i feel like he's throwing this away like it never meant anything to him when i know it meant/means alot!
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female
reader, valmaniac +, writes (28 September 2006):
valmaniac is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update: He called me last night saying he missed me even though he hasn't showed it lately and also said he loves me. I told him I was just really confused and didn't know if we were over for good so i paniced & apologized for texting him all the time. His reply was that we ARE NOT over for good and that he just needed to do some stuff for himself. He said he wasn't mad at me but that he felt betrayed by his bro for telling me stuff that he didn't tell him, other than that we were just talking about his job & stuff. Not sure where that leaves us, haven't talked to him at all today.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 All of it is a "bad sign". Let him move on with his life, problems and all. YOU need to move on with yours. There is no future for you here. You must accept it or he just might get a restraining order out against you. Give it up and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): valmainac, valmainac,
What part of "NO" do you not understand?
He is telling you NO by his behavior.
Think about it: he didn't respond to your calls, texts or emails for a month, except to tell you he'd call when (you may as well interpret that as "if") he wanted to get back with you and that you were making things worse. Ever heard anyone say "don't call me, I'll call you."
However, DESPITE him saying that, you still sent a text every day to tell him you loved him and were still there for him. As if he NEEDED reminding!
Maybe your relationship did mean a lot to him at one time. Maybe at one time in the past, he DID want to be committed to you.
Obviously, that has changed for him now. Yes, he has a lot of problems to deal with, but his thoughts about your friendship are different at this point.
YOU feel he's throwing the relationship away, and YOU say you "know" it meant/means a lot. Clearly, that is not his opinion. You really cannot presume to know how he thinks and feels! You have to go by what he tells you.
I realize you want to help, but him hanging up on you when you started to tell him about the counselor, then letting it go to voice mail when you called back, is certainly a bad sign; a negative "message" from him to you!
You have no choice, really, but to let him find his own method of dealing with the drinking. And HE has to decide if he's happy with persons walking out of his life. He is letting you know (without actually coming out and saying it in so many words) that he does not want your help.
As to why did he answer knowing it was you when you called? I reckon (a) because he happened to be home at the time and (b) you caught him at a weak moment. Remember, he has not called YOU all this time!
It hurts, yes, because you want to be with him more than anything - BUT "he's making it so difficult."
Unfortunately, this is the reality. Accept it and eventually find someone else who will appreciate and love you for who you are!
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