A
female
age
36-40,
*enL
writes:The other day my boyfriend and I had sexual intercourse for the first time and i guess he sort of didn't know how to react when he saw me bleed. He didn't stop right away because he didn't want me to get anything wrong, but I could sense that he felt uncomfortable. After a while I said it's ok, we could stop and he could go clean himself. Later after we sat down, and he told me that he had never have sex with a virgin so ........ So guys, just curious, will you feel pressure if you know you are going to have sex with a virgin? will it freak you out if you didn't expect that your girlfriend is still a virgin and she starts bleeding when you guys are having sex?Thank you in advance for the help.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Aw I'm sorry that happened to you when you were little. I went through something similar. However, this guy sounds like a jerk. He sounds very insensitive towards your feelings.
Not everyone bleeds the first time they have sex. Sometimes the hymen is broken prior to that by doing excercise, using tampons, bike/horse riding etc. You should tell him this.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 He sounds like a horrible guy, sorry. Why are you with him when he's so insensitive and doesn't believe you? Surely you can find better, someone who wants to take care of you and supports you instead of thinking you're lying. I understand that you and him have come far in this relationship, but are you sure he is what you want in a boyfriend? This all seems too unsure and he's not trusting you about quite serious matters. In addition he said he doesn't care if you're a virgin or not, like that's what it's all about. Instead he should have comforted you and made sure YOU are ok with the sexual part of the relationship. Instead he makes this into being about him? And then you're all worried about him as well? It shouldn't be about him and his preferences at all, he should have been focusing on you and making sure you are ok.
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A
female
reader, JenL +, writes (16 May 2011):
JenL is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for all your answers. The thing is that, right from the beginning of our relationship, when he asked me about my sexual experience, I told him I have none. Later on one time when we were about to have sex, something from my past started to haunt me again for I was sexually molested while I was a child around five. I always wonder whether I'm still a virgin or not. I was thinking, what if I won't bleed? then he would think that I lied. So, even though it was not something that I would like to share with anyone cos I feel ashamed about it, I told him that I was sexually molested by my cousin when I was young. Then, his attitude at that moment told me that he thought I lied & just made up an excuse.....i can sense the doubt & distrust, he probably thought that " you lied to be about being a virgin but you're afraid that when you don't bleed,I'll know you're not, so that's why you make up an excuse ahead for that ". I asked him whether he felt being deceived or mad, but his reply to my confession about the molestation was " well....i guess I don't care that much whether you are a virgin or not" I was quite hurt by his attitude-- the fact that he thought I lied.
anyway, it's not that I didn't tell him, it's that he assumed that I lied about being a virgin & he thought I made up the molestation thing......
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A
male
reader, senior.2013 +, writes (15 May 2011):
If you didn't tell him, he was probabally a little worried. I know that if I didn't know, I'd freak too. If I did, I'd be fine and probabally even hornier...
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (15 May 2011):
you should of told him from the start that you were a virgin. That way he would of been less surprised. Don't worry about it too much as it won't happen again.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 May 2011):
What, you didn't tell him you were a virgin? Why didn't you? Of course if you didn't tell him, and then you start bleeding, he'll be surprised. What did you expect? Blood isn't supposed to come out of you when you have sex, and if it did that would be an indication of him hurting you in some way. Other than if you were a virgin and bled, thats the only time that's every somewhat normal.
If he knew you were a virgin, then perhaps he was just surprised that you did bleed as he's never seen it happen before, even if he knew it could happen.
Seriously though, if you didn't trust him enough to tell him you were a virgin this is bad news for your relationship. Your boyfriend is the one person you always need to be honest with. If you aren't, then how can he learn to trust you? And without trust there is no relationship. Be honest and up front with him from now on, that's what a good girlfriend does.
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (15 May 2011):
 I think he reacted the way he did because you were a virgin. Did you tell him you were a virgin? because if you didnt he could be feeling really guilty right now, thinking he could have made it better for you. I told my boyfriend and then it just sort of happened, he was really pleased that i was a virgin because he hates the thought that someone else could have touched me first. And I'm guessing that yes it would have freaked him out if he didnt know, it might have taken him a few minutes to actually realise that you were bleeding. I think if you didnt tell him then he'll be feeling horrible right now. You should really be honest in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (15 May 2011):
Did you tell him you were a virgin before hand? It was probably a shock to him.
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