A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives in the USA (I live in the UK). We've been lucky enough to see each other for a week 4 times in the last 8 months, and communicate daily by skype. Everything has been perfect (apart from missing each other) until the last week or so. I returned from visiting him 2 weeks ago and since then our relationship has been strained. He says he feels pressured because I discussed planning another trip to visit him in 2 months time. I explained to him that unfortunately due to my job I have to book time off from work a few weeks or even months in advance and I think it's pretty normal given the distance between us that we should want to see each other as much as we possibly can. He doesn't seem to see it this way anymore, saying he feels pressured and because he has student debt he has to start repaying he 'doesnt know where he is going to be or what is going to happen to him' in the next 2 months. I see this as being a poor excuse as it would cost him nothing financially for me to visit him, and think he is hiding something from me, but he says he isn't. Do you think this is a genuine reason for not wanting to see me? How should I proceed from here? Every time I try to discuss it with him he shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it, but since I'm investing such a lot of time and money in this relationship I want to know where I stand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): LDR are tough at the best of times but you are in a different country. If it was a few hours car drive then it would be a bit more managable but do you really see this lasting long term? I don't want to be negative but these kind of relationships rarely last and unless you move over there or visa versa i really don't see it working.
How can you have a relationship with somebody you can't touch or talk to anytime you want? What about him? Is he ok with not having any intimacy and going without sex over long periods of time? He's a young guy so how do you know he isn't seeing other people?
I think you need to think about where this is going because he is already making excuses not to come and visit plus you say you think he's hiding something from you.
Maybe you should think about dating a guy who you can see everyday and have a proper relationship with.
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