A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:New relationship - 2 1/2 mos. - background he was in a 17 yr relationship, she broke up with him due to different interest/finding herself. Its been 2 yrs and he still has photos of her on his phone and computer. Seems to me that would remind him of her. He says he's looking for a long term relationship and he's moving on. But do you think he's still in love with her? At the end he asked her if she wanted to move with him, to me that sounds like he still wanted things to work out. My concern is....is his heart open for me or is she still in it? I won't be someone's #2. I don't need that sort of heart ache at this stage in my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone! I gently asked a more pointed question to him the other night and he more than made sure to let me know that they will never be together and he has no interest in ever going there again. Thanks for the support!
A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 17 years is such a long time and she broke up with him, I don't want to burst your bubble but be careful because it seems like you are the rebound girl. Many time a person is just in-love with being in a relationship that they do not give themself the opportunity to be alone and discover what is it they really want out of life out of a relationship. Back to your question the pictures are part of his past, he invested 17 years to that relationship, you have only been dating for 2 1/2 months so it might be to soon for him to replace those memory right now but give it time and grow in his heart and he will replace all those pictures, with pictures of you.
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male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 "Its been 2 yrs and he still has photos of her on his phone and computer." By "on" do you mean they're saved in a file that he'd have to search for or are they screen savers, right on top, every time he looks at his phone/computer there she is? If they're screen savers etc. I'd say he's not over her. If they're "on" his computer/phone in a file somewhere I am just one man but I would bet he doesn't even remember they're there.
"At the end he asked her if she wanted to move with him, to me that sounds like he still wanted things to work out." I do not know what this means. More specifics, please.
"is his heart open for me or is she still in it?" Again, I am just 1 man but if he is geographically with you then I think his ex is 'long gone' from his heart.
"I won't be someone's #2." Nobody should be anybody's "#2" "at this stage" or any stage of "life".
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reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 17 years is a LONG time! Of course she's always going to have a certain place in his heart... but that doesn't necessarily mean that he still wants her. To get rid of all the photos of her is not simply getting rid of his memory of her... it'd be getting rid of his memories of who he was, where he's been and how he's grown.
The first thing people tend to want to save when their house is on fire is their photo albums... should he really be expected to burn his memories simply because she features in some of them?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 I think you should give him a chance. Yes it does sound like he didnt want to let go of the relationship, but he had no choice in the matter and he now has to accept that and move on. You say the broke up 2 years ago, so in my opinion that is plenty of time for him to have accepted that the relationship is over and am sure she is no threat to you now. You have only been going out 2 and a half months therefore give it some time and am sure he will begin to develop feelings for you. You mention that he still has photos of her, this is quite normal she was a big part of his life and it is ok for him to still hold on to the photos as memories. If it is really worrying you talk to him and tell him how you feel and give him a chance to explain. But it sounds to me like he has been open and honest with you and I feel you would be silly to let him go. Goodluck.
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