A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need some advice.I just moved to a brand new state and city to be with my boyfriend. We've been dating for over a year long distance. We have spent time each other through out that time period.But since I've moved to his home town we've been fighting a lot. and he gets physical he hasn't yet touched me but he punches walls, doors and has even broken stuff around our home. He scares me, and I've told him that I am not use to that at all. Are fights are usally dumb and try to reason with to stop the arguring but he keeps going and going. Well during iur last fight he said he's never really lived with anyone and he get annoyed and he can't tell me to go to my place cause my place is his place. I don't have any friends or family here. Since I just got here I depend totally on him, which he know that was going to happen when I got here. I try so hard to stay out of way so he won't feel smoothered.This man is so sweet when he's not in a bad mood. Do you think his anger and him punching walls is the start of something more dangours to me?Should I just give up and go home?I'm scared when he flips out, but I do love him. Apart we're great why can't we make it together?Oh when we visited each other in the past we never got in to argurments like this.Thanks for reading and for your advice.
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 "Oh when we visited each other in the past we never got in to argurments like this."
Of course, some aspects are revealed by spending a larger amount of time together. And now I see, you haven't even been dating properly, due to the long distance. He fits the profile of a violent and dangerous guy, and this is how it starts, until one day soon it's you who takes a blow right on the chin. After the first violent outburst, you should have returned home. Preferably pick up your baggage when he is not at home, so he doesn't stop you from leaving with his usual manners.
I'm sure next time you will be more careful and keep dating for a good while and gaining more trust before taking it to this level. Sometimes we learn the hard way. All the best.
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (1 September 2010):
 I'll be point blank with you..if you aren't frightened..you should be. How do I know? Because this is how my ex husband started out. He had a VERY bad temper. He would punch lockers, walls, he once broke the windows in his car, and often he would have bloody knuckles, he even broke his fingers a few times during one his fits. I knew about his temper, never thinking he would turn it on me. Like an idiot (I was only 19)..I married him. And then things changed. First is was a tap, then a slap, and then a punch. I started living in fear of making him angry. He slapped me in broad daylight in front of other people saying I deserved it. Ok...you get the picture. I divorced him before he could turn his anger on our daughter. IT WILL GET WORSE! GET OUT! I know you just moved there, and you care about him, but trust me, he has violent tendencies and anger problems. Go back to where you came from before he starts punching you. Please.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (1 September 2010):
 moving in with someone you get to experience all sides of them. Its kind of like the 'trial: whats it like when i marry the person' stage. There is a chance that his punching walls could eventually be punching you instead, so be weary.
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