A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got of an abusive relationship about a month ago. I recently started seeing a friend of mine I have been friends with for a few years. I was never allowed to hang out with him but always kept in touch with him secretly online. He's the complete opposite of my ex. He's very happy and so sweet. I enjoy his company but I find myself looking for something bad to happen. I fear he will change on me and it's not fair to him that I have these feelings. I keep thinking there is a catch because it doesn't seem like anyone can be so kind. He sees so much good in me that I find hard to believe is there. We have decided not to define our relationship and everything is going so well. I feel relieved to not feel obligated with titles. We're almost too perfect for each other and it's starting to make me worry a little. I don't want things to go badly. I don't think I could handle it again. Are there any clues that I should look out for? Or do you think that maybe he's just that good of a guy and I should stop trivializing his behavior? My ex was really sweet and charming too but it was only because he was hiding his dark side and used it to make up for fighting/hurting me.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Everyone has a dark side and no one is an angel. Focus on his positive sides and not go looking for his negative one's.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Thanks so much for your answers. I should have specified that I met him in person before we started talking online and I have been hanging out with him for almost a whole month now. I've never been happier in my life and I hope things only get better from here :)
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (25 April 2010):
Do let your past ruin your future. You have to start building trust in people, especially men. Not all of us are like the jerk you were dating. It's going to take time, but work hard to AVOID waiting for the other shoe to drop. Relax and trust him.
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A
male
reader, flanker123  +, writes (25 April 2010):
I think it sounds like you have a great relationship but there is stuff to look out for and Im a bloke so I know what to check for.
A guy can be really nice, i mean really really nice but it can be all part of the "Getting her to fall for me" Plan so watch for a decrease in his attitude towards being nice in that respect.
Also he may say really nice things but online, anyone can say anything.
WATCH your back
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A
male
reader, LarryGalapagos +, writes (25 April 2010):
I agree with janniepeg. Please have faith that there really are nice guys, and the nice guy you're with just might be the one for you. :)
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A
female
reader, confusedtwatdotcom +, writes (24 April 2010):
 The aftermath of an abusive relationship is pretty hard, especially when it comes to moving on. You're always looking behind your shoulder just in case.
Being friends with someone for a long time allows you to learn alot about them and their behaviour. Obviously the scarring from your ex has made you feel in a way paranoid.
Give the new guy a chance because you sound as though you really like him and try talking to a therapist babe, it might help with some of your anxiety.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 Yes, he is a nice guy like every guy should be. You deserve to be treated like this and you have the love in you to reciprocate. One day you will get used to it and look back in the past and all you could feel is horror, like, "how could I allow myself to be abused like this?" He could be your rebound but it's not necessary to keep it that way. It could blossom into a wonderful relationship with fun, excitement, intimacy and warm companionship.
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