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Is he playing hard to get or has he lost interest?

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 January 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2014)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've liked this guy for a while, and we've have been speaking almost non stop on facebook for weeks.

Then suddenly we didnt speak for a week, which is fine, as we need space, and cant talk to eachother 24/7 but I started to miss him. So I sent him a message saying hey how are you? and he didnt open my message and reply till the very next day. Now ok I know he has a life and works full time, but so do I. And I still make time! But even previously if I take 3 hours to answer he'll do the same, or make it 4 hours..its weird.

And he has been online, I've seen him liking statuses etc but its like he pretends to not see my message. Which on facebook will show he has a message from me.

So I did it back at him this evening, I took almost a whole day to answer him and I sent it to him while he was online. So he definitely saw the message come up, but still hasn't read it. Is he playing hard to get with me? Or is he just suddenly lost interest? It confuses me how hes gone from talking to me everyday, and always asking me a load of questions to keep it going, to now taking his time to talk to me :( should I be worried?

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (23 January 2014):

llifton agony auntJust saw your update. Didn't realize he wasn't local. I wouldn't put all my eggs in this particular basket. I'd drop it and move on.

Ever thought to ask him for his number?

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (23 January 2014):

llifton agony auntYou're both probably playing the same game with each other. Why not just ask each other out? Get to know one another in real life? Rather than Facebook?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014):

Ok, so he told you that next time he's in town you two could meet. So, what's the problem? He's not in town, right? So, i'm guessing he's just getting on with his life and will probably contact you when he knows when he'll be back next.

You're probably coming across a little too keen and it's scaring him a bit. You've only met up once! I think you should either stay off Facebook for a while or at least stop messaging him for a bit. Keep yourself busy with other things.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014):

Are you trying to conduct a relationship through Facebook?

Have you two ever met and gone out on a date?

Do you consider frequent messaging with a guy online to be a form of a relationship?

Is this just a chat-connection?

If there is no official relationship; he can answer you at his leisure. There may have been a flurry of messages between you at some point; because it was a novelty,and he didn't have much of anything else to do. Now he's probably getting tired of the chats, and may have decided to give it a rest. He may have found other friends online to chat with.

He is also picking up on the possibility you're developing feelings, and that may not be where he wants to take it. So he backed off to give you a moment to recollect your thoughts, and control your feelings.

Don't be desperate and try to force him to respond to you by stalking and intercepting his messages; when you know he's online. He'll think there's something wrong with you.

Maybe he has lost interest for the moment, but maybe not altogether. He may just be a jerk, and playing you.

Give it a break, and just find something else to do with your time. Maybe you really deserve to get out, and do more live dating. Or just go out and have yourself some fun. Hang out with your friends; and make yourself available.

Don't become dependent on FB as your primary source of social activity. You'll become so disappointed and frustrated. People are so fickle on social media. One minute it's intense. Exchanging messages is hot and heavy; then they hardly know you the next. That can be said for online connections in general.

Ignore him for awhile. He'll come trolling back for some attention when he gets bored. Then you'll see there is nothing of any substance to him. By that time, you'll probably feel less interested in hearing from HIM.

You should be out enjoying the company of living and breathing guys, who want to spend some time with you. Not being dodged by players on Facebook, who like dangling girls on a string; and dodging them after leading them on.

You also have to own up to a little responsibility for getting too emotionally-attached. Messaging is addictive.

Like a drug, the more you get; the more you want.

You need to get out more, and keep your real-world and online activities balanced.

This wouldn't normally bother you as much, if you had something better to do, now would it?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

We have met before yes. And he said next time hes local (he lives an hour away) we should meet up for a coffee and have longer chat. But he hasnt arranged anything with me yet. He told me he not long got out of a relationship, which is understandable if he doesnt want any commitments, but to not ask me for my number yet after talking for over a month, I mean is he ever going to ask me for it?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014):

Have you actually met up in person? Maybe you should ask if he'd like to meet up during the day? It's a little silly to be playing these games, don't you think?

I don't think he's necessarily ignoring you, he could be, like you said, busy. You say you have a busy life too but surely you wouldn't be obsessing over Facebook or him if you were, no?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014):

It gets old , I guess, without actually meeting in person.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 January 2014):

Honeypie agony auntIf you want more/better communication, why aren't you two calling each other/texting/meeting up? You can't carry on "talking" over FB at some point it either gets "old", stale or just plain boring.

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