A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would like to seek advice regarding the current one that I'm with. My ex-boyfriend is asking for financial help yet I know he's just using me for monetary terms. He borrows but he never knew how to pay back, when we're still in the relationship, he does seek financial help whenever he runs out of budget, yet he never makes it a point to pay it back. We broke off because he dates a lot of girls and I found that he's with a new girlfriend. From then on, I knew he is not serious with me, yet did not ever make the effort to pay all his debt to me.Now he is asking help for as he expressed he needs money. I'm better off than he is, he's the breadwinner in the family as he no longer has a father. Will it be okay to help him now? The fact that I know he's not going to pay, so it might otherwise be an act of helping, not lending someone? Please correct my thoughts.... thanks and God bless us all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): hi i have just met a lovely man, we have been dating for a month now, he is so charming and romantic, always saying how lovely i am and that he loves me untill he ask me for £1'000 i said no. and now i'm not sure he is so lovely and just after my money. it was hard to say no when i am already in love with him but we cant give in to men no matter how much we love them money cant buy love.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 It comes down to personal pride really. If you wish to donate money to your ex then no-one can stop you, but it doesn't help him with his financial problems in the long term. You maybe better off than him but one of the reasons will be that you are sensible with money management. Some people never get the hang of dealing with money and by repeating your hand-outs you are sending him a message that (i) it is ok for an adult to take money off others without paying back and (ii) it is ok not to take responsibility for your own financial circumstances because someone will be waiting in the wings to clear up the mess. He made no attempt to pay you back and disrespected you by dating other girls too. There is a case to be made for being nice and helping someone out in need, but there is also a case of accepting any bad treatment that is handed out by a man. In your shoes I would take him to the small claims court to get my money back and teach him a life lesson.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Hunny,
I no your a beautiful kind and caring person but no dont keep giving to this man, If he gets into trouble with money I can understand your helping him but not when it is obvious he just uses you for his own benefits.
You can be kind by letting him learn to do this himself. He has had your help enough love, He is not treating you respectfully at all just going on you good heart and kind nature knowing he will get what he wants, this is not teaching him to be carefull with his cash or considerate of others, And this I feel he needs to learn or he will just use people for the rest of his life...
TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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