A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this boy for about a month now. We both go to the same college and we met for the first time at one of my friend's parties. We both asked for each others numbers and that was it for the night. We talked for the next day and we ended up seeing each other the out the next night. This time we ended up kissing once, but that was all. He obviously had some sort of attraction to me because he had never had a girlfriend and he had only hooked-up with one girl once and that was two semesters ago. We continued to talk all the time for the next few weeks and we would hang out a couple nights during the week. Sometimes he would come to my room and just sit there and talk with my roommates as if he was trying to make a good impression on them. Also, whenever we were done hanging out he would walk me to the door and kiss me goodbye. On the weekends we would go out together and hold hands and end up spending the night together. But we would make sure we hung out during the week so that we weren't always hanging out after drinking. So last week, we hung out and it was an amazizng time. He was acting like my boyfriend and I felt like everything was perfect. We hung out two days later and he tells me we are getting too serious and that we need to not hang out and talk as much. I was so mad I left his room. He kept texting me that he was sorry and that he did like me, it was just he didn't want a girlfriend or to feel tied down. So I stopped talking to him. Friday night when he went out (I had gone home for the night) he kept texting me. We ended up meeting up Saturday night and he was drunk, but he told me how he felt. He said that he did like me, but he doesn't want a girlfriend, but he still wants to hang out and talk. Also, he always is telling me that the distance really bothers him (he lives 6 hours away from me, but we are at school for majority of the year). I asked him the next day if he meant everything he had said to me the night before, and he said yes. I just do not understand his sudden change of heart. I tried to play hard to get and not talking to him, but that failed miserably because it lasted two days til I gave in and he acted as if nothing was wrong. In all honesty, I think he liked the space so he didn't feel like he had a girlfriend. I don't want to be his gf now, I just felt like something was just starting and now it's the opposite. And today he says he wants to hang out this week, but I am not about to meet up with him again this weekend. I do not want to be his hookup. Part of me feels like I am getting played and the other part of me feels like he is afraid of getting hurt and actually found someone he got close to and that scares him. What do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Since hes in college already and has never had a girlfriend before, maybe he just doesnt know how to handle being in a real relationship. Maybe hes just used to having some space.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): My entire four years of college was based on guys telling me some version of the "I just don't want a girlfriend right now" line. I think it's your right to not still be attracted to him, and with four years of experience under my belt, I know it sounds harsh but if he truly wanted it to be something other than a hook up then he would never say I don't want a girlfriend right now. So if you're looking for a relationship, drop him because he's playing games. But if you don't mind hanging out with him and being just someone he calls when he's looking for affection, then keep him around. Believe me I know the struggle with caving in when it comes to playing hard to get! But just realize he doesn't sound like he's in it for the long haul so be careful with your feelings and try to make it clear that you're not just a booty call! If he continues to not want to make it official with you, let him go! You sound like a lovely girl, so don't waste your time with people who treat you like shit! Good Luck!!!
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