A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 110lbs 5'6 and very thin!!! I'm not anorexic/bulimic just born this way. I don't look sickly either. I've been dating a guy for three 1/2 months. I just saw some of his porn (he doesn't know! Yes! I was wrong for looking) and its mostly of bigger girls! As in 175lbs+ girls. Am I not his type? His ex was bigger but gfs before were medium. Did he just get used to his ex's body type? Or is he looking for something different when he looks at porn? I could never gain that kind of weight, so how do I match up?He says I'm sexy and he's attracted to me, so is he just fantasizing about something he doesn't have?Also, should I ask him why he looks at bigger girls instead of girls like me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Don't worry about it.
I like looking at a little bit of Internet erotica occasionally (with the full knowledge of my partner!). When I first met her she was as skinny as anything, and for many years I enjoyed looking at pictures of rather heavier women. Now she is just a little larger, I find that the skinnier pictures are more appealing.
None of it means that I don't want my partner, or that I'm bored with her, or that I want anyone other than her. It's fantasy stuff, and everyone has fantasies whether or not they admit to having them (some people even try to deny it to themselves). "Feeding" the fantasy is fun, in much the same way that watching an action movie is fun. It doesn't mean that, for the movie, you really want to be there in the muck and bullets, or for the erotic pictures you really want those women in real life.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 May 2008):
Read every question here with a porn tag. One of the main things that keeps coming up is "I found my husband has porn - and the girls looked nothing like me!!"
As the other two answers rightly point out, porn and real life are completely separate in a man's brain.
Girls in porn are disposable objects that can be stored in a box in a cupboard. Good for only one thing. You are his beautiful girlfriend, to be loved and cherished and honoured. All that bumf.
I'd be glad you aren't like his porn girls, I'd much rather get the love and flowers than be taken out of a box once every couple of months for a one sided quickie.
Be happy with yourself and your body, you are lucky to be thin! Love it!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Porn is a fantasyland where men can indulge every desire they please... you haven't been dating him for very long, so I wouldn't worry about it yet. Perhaps the "theme" of bigger girls is just a coincidence, or maybe he really does have a fetish for these women (I must admit, I've got a soft spot for real curves over fake ones, and you've usually got to go up a few sizes to find it). Either way, it doesn't reflect on his feelings for you, it's just masturbation material and you can't judge him for what turns you on. Men usually don't compare their gfs bodies to that of porn stars, it's unrealistic and most of us know that the women we encounter in the "real world" won't look like that. He's probably just enjoying the acts and things, he won't be watching it in order to compare your bodies to theirs.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Even if he was attracted to bigger girls that should not be an issue. Sexuality is just one part of a relationship and there are other very important things that make you/or not compatible and that are more important. You should no try to gain that weight as you need to be true to yourself!
I think you might get away with bringing out this conversation without saying you saw his porn. Just as a casual conversation. Ask what he likes most about a girls body and what he is drawn to... then introduce the bigger girls into the conversation. You should also ask what he likes about you and reciprocate by saying what you like about guys in general and him in specific so it doesn't seem obvious you are insecure about your body.
Finally, be proud about your body and be sexy with it. If you like it, he will definitely like it... the attitude accounts for a lot!
Good luck!
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