A
female
age
41-50,
*ebbie6
writes:I have been dating a guy for 7 months and last month we had a massive argument, which stemmed from his ex girlfriend still texting him. Although i know he has no intention of ever being with her, I just overreacted and couldn't control my emotions on this occasion. I love him so much and we have taken a break for 4 weeks. He called me up over the weekend looking to see me, he told me how much he missed me and couldn't believe he was with me again. We ended up in bed and the next day he said he wanted to take things slowly, I'm very confused because he came on so strong and then i felt as if he was backing off again. He said he wants to meet up a few times and see if we could enjoy each others company. Is he leading me on? What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): After 4 weeks, it appears he charmed his way back into your bed and then, emotionally distanced himself again. Is that what you are describing? The way you talk of this in your posting, to me, it appears he manipulated you for some long overdue sex. In other words, 'his' needs and desires came before you. I think you need to say to him, "Hun--it's all or nothing. Make up your mind" Because the way it is right now, you have been put out there in 'limboland' asking yourself. "what just happened here?" The confused feelings you feel, take down a woman's rationale and resolve, especially when she has a right to ask him "what is going on?" Especially if he just had sex with you and he then told you "let's slow things down". I think you need to take a stand here and change your way of thinking. Make it your goal to get 'yourself' back again and not be so focused on getting him back. If you want your boyfriend to take responsibility for treating you this way, I think it's time for both of you to sit and have an honest, mature discussion about what just happened. You need to find out if he's as committed to working things through as you are. And if he isn't, you tell him then he is not your bf any longer and that you don't have sex with guys who you aren't dating and are no longer committed to. Either he commits to you fully in a happy, healthy relationship or you both end it for good, allowing you to heal, recover and then, get out there and date other people who may be more compatible and doesn't just call you up when an urge hits him.
A
female
reader, paradise  +, writes (7 May 2008):
 It was a mistake for you to sleep with him at that time. He needs for you to lead him on the same you he has led you on, at least for awhile. Bait him, and make him want you. Don't be so available to him, when he calls tell him you've made other plans. Keep him guess, and make him chase you. I know this is hard to do, but it's necessary. It's the only way you'll find out where you stand.
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