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Is he just a bad tempered immature deadbeat dad or are these signs of a sociopath?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have recently broke up with my son's father. He is 31 and I amd 23. I am really starting to see signs of what I think are signs of a sociopath. At first he was very charming and seemed like he had himself together, then after I became pregnant he started acting like I was beneath him, kicking me out of our apartment in the middle of the night b/c of stupid arguements. He would never apologize first, just give me silent treatment for days until I begged for us to talk. Next he would get violent, not daily just maybe here and there, like twice a month, if that. He wouldn't be really violent. It would start with him exploding if I stood up for myself, then lead to a hard push, hair pulling or a threat. He does drink daily but has a high tolerance so I don't think this contributes to his irrational behavior.

I started noticing he is very manipulative to others, seems to have no consience and always seems to have to prove himself by acting macho. One minute he is quite and seems fine, then the littlest thing could set him off and he would snap verbally. He doesn't seem to have social problems with others if he has known them for a while, but he was very quite around my family. I couldn't help but feel like his feelings for me weren't genuwine, sort of a vibe I just got.

Other signs I see now that I look back are he never accepts the blame and has no remorse when we argue. He doesn't really know how to express his feelings or show love but he says its b/c his mom didn't bring him up like that. To sum this up things always have to be his way or the highway. He didn't respect my feelings when I told him he was hurting me, he would simply say it was my fault. He lies with no problem, doesnt want to work, just run the streets and pursue illegal ways of maikng money. He is irresponsible, hostile, has shallow emotions and always paranoid. Now our son is 6 months and since were not together he completely cut me off financially and has only see his son 3 times in 3 months. Even this he blames on me and seems to cause arguements so that he has an excuse not to call for days or weeks at a time. Is he just a immature deadbeat dad or are these signs of a sociopath? Please send some light, I am lost and don't know what to do.

View related questions: broke up, immature, money, violent

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A male reader, John4303 United States +, writes (24 August 2009):

Dear anonymous female,

He is NOT a sociopath! He is however the immature deadbeat dad that you fear he is. Take a good hard look at what you know of his parental upbringing and you will notice some patterns between him and his father. I guarantee it because I battle some of the same things in my own life. My father was not a good example of how a man should act and I am fairly certain that his was not either. What do you really know about how a man should act? You need to consult the book. The bible to be exact and if you think I am joking watch out because I would guess that you haven't read about how a woman should act either. I am not defending him in any way. What I am saying is that both of you need prayer, to find a good church and to develop a relationship with Father God so you can learn about life. There is healing in the book and the Father is waiting to offer you the healing that your heart so desperately longs for. Think about what I am saying. Other women tell you leave him and fast. What have you created but another statistic. A single woman with a child. It's not right and it's not what you want either. Neither of you were spiritually or emotionally healthy when you got together and neither your actions or his are making it any better. Seek out some good godly women for advice. Perhaps you shouldn't have ever gotten involved with him but nothing happens by chance. Even my writing this response to your question. Think about what God gave for you John 3:16. What have you done for him? There is a pattern of behavior among the men of today and the only to way to change it is by prayer! I am grateful for a God that showers me daily with grace. The men at my church are learning to be true men of God and take back what the enemy has stolen from us. Except that we have not been the men we are called to be and handed him the goods. He didn't really steal anything. God Bless You and your son. I pray that you find some Christ-like men to help you raise your son because it was never meant for you to do it alone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009):

I can relate to your story, my boyfriend of almost 2years just ended things yest. and I am finding myself wanting to call and talk because he has been such a huge part of my life. Although I haven't called I am wanting to. He displays a lot of the same traits as a sociopath. Very quick tempered. Everything could be going great and then something could set him off and the whole day/night is ruined. And very charming, he would make me feel like a princess and seemed so caring and loving. But then he could quickly turn around and say the most hurtful things and make me feel like a piece of dirt. I was or seemed to be always the one doing or acting wrong,,, Maybe I was or maybe he was makeing me feel like I was. He didi drink alot which made things even worse t times, because I never knew what would set him off and then he would get even more angry. It is so hard because we have so many things in comman and so many of the same ideas about life, when he is acting "normal". I have started to spend less and less time with my family and friends becausehe would get very jealous and think that I was doing something behind his back, which I never would. Jealous if I were to even talk to friends of his, but never would show signs of being upset until we were alone after the fact. Why do we fall in love with people that put us down and hurt us, when all we do is love them? And he has always been so good at making his way back into my life making me take him back. Also hewas great at making me feel like spending money on him would make him love me more, I have spent soooo much extra money on him and his bills, and I know that ismy fault but Ithought it would make the love for me grow stronger. Weird I know. Anyway I could tell countless stories but I just wanted you to know that your not alone and I completly know what your relationship with him was like.

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2007):

flower girl agony auntMandy 7 has said it all babe he is a manipulative bully and with a young baby to look after you certainly do not need someone like that around you both, i'm not saying it will be easy but hopefully you have plenty of friends and family around you to help you out and i wish you both all the best.

Take care.xx.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007):


You dont want this man in your life, Its good that you have broken up before your son starts seeing these things, My ex husband was like this he did have serious mental issues..

Does he take drugs as well as drink?

About if he is a deadbeat dad hunny he is totally blind to the fact he has a family, I dont get child support from my ex and have never wanted it as long as he stays away from me and my daughter then thats fine with me, And I think you should feel the same everything you have mentioned is a huge warning sign to get away and keep away so you and your son are safe love PLEASE TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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