A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help! My boyfriend of one year seems unsure if he wants to marry me. This really hurts me because at this pont am ready to be married to him. He used to be so sure about getting married--but lately he said.. we didnt get along so well that he wants to make sure that we can get along better if we're going to be married. I told him not to waste my time and that we should just break up so i can find someone who has the same goal as mine. But he said thats not how it should be-- we should work things out on how to improve the relationship instead of just giving up. Is he right about this? Im just a little worried that If I stay another year in this relationship he might still not commit. I know lots of woman that they stayed for a while hoping that he'll come around with the marriage thing but ended up breaking up because the man just cant... Should I stay? I feel like Iam only willing to give another year and if he doesnt wants to get married yet then Ill move on? I sthis the right way to do? How do you know if a man will marry the woman they're with? what are the signs that he's not going to? Thanks so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): RUNNNNNNNN... ive been with my guy since 2004.. been sticking it out trusting him everytime he says ill get you a ring. they are lying they will never change. Ive heard i wont make you wait 5 yrs or 6 more months or lets go look at rings... its what they do to get you to shut up. I now cry all the time and wish i could just move on but cant and im on yr 6 of our relationship.. your only a yr in..trust me. get out of it before your me and its too late. you said you feel like your wasting time.. so you are move on.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 November 2010):
 Is it more important to you to *get* married, or to *be* married?
The former is easy, just find some dupe who won't sit back and think about it.
The latter is more difficult. The kind of guy willing to go that route is going to need time to think aobut it, and as little pressure from you as possible.
Let me clarify - you're allowed to try and pressure him. He's an adult, he can handle some persuasion. But at this point it would be counterproductive to the relationship.
If you want to convince him, you need to realize that marriage is a bum deal for guys. What would he get by marrying you that he could not get by just dating you? You be be in love, have sex, have kids, and live together, so what's there to gain? By giving an ultimatum, all you're doing is giving him a hint of nagging to come, and scaring him off.
BrooklynGirl is exactly right, too. Telling a guy that he is wasting your time pretty much invalidates all the good times you've shared, and makes him feel more like an accessory to your fantasies than a person to share life with.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 It sounds like you value the idea of getting married more than your actual relationship.
You can't make someone want to marry you. If you do end up getting married to make you happy, he may end up resenting you.
You have two choices; get used to the idea of not getting married, or find another guy who does.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 November 2010):
 He is absolutely right! You just don't cut and run after one year! Why would he want to marry you if you aren't willing to work on problems together?
A happy, healthy relationship takes effort and hard work. It doesn't just happen.
And for you to say "don't waste my time," you are implying that he isn't what's important to you....marriage is! That's not a very comforting message to receive.
In order to maintain a healthy relationship, there needs to be constant open communication, caring, and honesty.
If you are just wanting to be married, then, perhaps he is the one who should be saying "don't waste my time!"
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (30 November 2010):
 sound like he is back peddling. Also some men are to scared to committ yet too scared to be alone. Not a good combo. You can give it all the more time you want but it sounds like it may be a lost cause. I hope its not though as every woman deserves a husband who is happy to be at the alter
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (30 November 2010):
 He is right, you need to be sure. Another year isnt too long to take to be sure about one of the most important decisions of your life...
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A
male
reader, mysticguy9 +, writes (30 November 2010):
 When a person is not head over heals to get married, they shouldn't be pushed or coerced into getting married by threats. If you are telling him that he is wasting your time and that you should just find someone else it gives him the message that you are not in love with him and that your goal is just to get married (which I think also). Having this sentiment in mind, he is not likely to get any more ready in a year time as he wants a girl to be in love with him. I am presuming that your goal is to get married and have children before you get any older. Perhaps you should move on and find someone with the same goal as yours.
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