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Is friends with benefits more emotional than a relationship?

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 November 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Friends with benefits

people say its less emotional

but surely its more? because if you've been friends with them for some time then you would care for them a lot, probably more than a new boyfriend

so if you lose them then not only do you lose your friend but that spark you almost definitely felt

is this me being naive or are people just kidding themselves? i'm not saying i'm against it, just confused about it and unsure whether to get into a fwb relationship

View related questions: spark

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):

more respect for yourself? ugh, i hate it when people say that. FWB means that you are FRIENDS who also have sex..not just f*ck buddies. it slightly feels like a relationship but without the commitment.

let me tell you, i went into one of the FWB situations with a guy, and thought i wouldn't get attached. we dated at first but then decided to be FWB. we enjoyed each others company and had great sex, but that was it.

it was the toughest 8 months of my life because i ended up getting attached, as much as i tried to fight it. it was very confusing because he would treat me like a sort of gf, but never a full on gf.

i have never been more heartbroken than when he moved to another city in the end, it still hurts.

so don't get involved in an FWB deal, it is really hard not to fall for the person, especially if you are a girl!!!

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A female reader, malibugirl Ireland +, writes (20 July 2009):

Friends with benefits.. they are short term benefits which are usually physical and tend to mess up any normal kind of relationship you've previously had with the person. In my own experience, they tend not to work out. You said it yourself, they are emotionally demanding because trust and commitment are absent. It's dodgy ground, if you're not that bothered about the person you could continue but otherwise i'd say cut your losses and repair what you can, if possible and if it's worth it.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2009):

k_c100 agony auntWell you are right if you get into a FWB with a very old friend, because undoubtedly sex will change things between you and it will affect your friendship.

But in reality, FWB has come from the crude American phrase "Fuck Buddy". So over in the US, that literally means just someone you have sex with, without any emotional attachment. Often you dont know that person very well, maybe it is someone you have been out on a few dates with and didnt really like them enough to have a serious relationship but the sex was great.

What we have done over here in the UK is turned it into something more civilised and in turn made it more complicated. It seems that here in the UK an FWB is a proper friend, someone that we have known a while. Therefore this makes things harder because there is that underlying friendship and the probability that one person (or both) fancy each other and have done for a while.

I think a FWB only works when you dont know the other person all that well (I'm not saying a total stranger, thats just wrong!). But it needs to be someone you could never imagine having a relationship with, someone who you dont really mind if you end things and never speak to again. Having a FWB with a good friend will never work, it is just too complicated!

At your age an FWB isnt really a good idea, you dont want to get a reputation for being "easy" or viewed by the guys you know as someone they can just sleep with and not have to bother with dating etc. Wait until you are a bit older to make an FWB decision, you will be more emotionally mature so it will be easier for you to handle. Whilst you are still a teen there are too many hormones tearing around to make you emotionally stable, therefore you might go into a FWB thinking that you can cope with it and you dont want a relationship with them, but once it starts I can guarantee that you will want more from him and then you will get hurt when he doesnt feel the same!

Sex is still pretty special at your age (at least it should be) and it should be with someone you care about, and the other person cares for you too. Sex shouldnt just be given away, it should be an intimate thing between 2 people. You have plenty of years ahead of you to have fun with sex, FWB can come later in life just enjoy being a teenager right now and having fun!

When I was 18 I had a couple of FWB type things, when I went away to uni. I kinda wish now I'm 22 that I didnt do that, while I love sex and can keep my emotions seperate its the number of partners I have got up to thats scary! I wish I had a little more restraint because now when I meet a guy and he asks how many people I've slept with its a bit embarassing. So dont make the mistakes I've made - while FWB's are fun, they are not as good as sex with a great boyfriend! So save yourself for a good guy and you will be thankful you did!

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A male reader, Jason32477 United States +, writes (20 July 2009):

Jason32477 agony auntFwb is less than a relationship. Why? For the simple fact that there is no commitment. If your looking for emotional ties this is not the way to go. As a male this form of relationship is used as a means of satisfying physical desires while still being able to pursue something more somewhere else. And just because you care for the guy does not mean he feels the same for you.

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntfriends with benefits is anything BUT attachment of a relationship just two friends fooling around not hurting either one as you're not together so basically when he/she can't get off with a girl or guy they want then they got there friends with benefits whom they can shag and leave without the relationship involvment and can do whatever they like with other people without feeling the guilt.

but almost all the time the girl feels more of an attachment than the guy does and the girl ends up getting hurt because she holds onto the hope she'll actually get them to be in a relationship with her when guys are just looking for meaningless sex and if you're friends with benefits then it's a friend helping another friend out.

if you see what i mean.

hope this helps :)

x ilovebowsandcherries x

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