A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Recently my wife and eldest daughter died in a car crash and i was left on my own with a 14 yr old daughter. her mum used to work at her current school and her sister went to the sixth form there and shes told me that she dosent want to go there anymore so i looked at other school but then i realised that she would be alone in the house most of the time since i work full time and come back at night so she suggested boarding school is this the right thing to do?, i dont want to seperate her from her family even more but i dont want her to be alone in a big house by herself also we have no family nearby so taht rules that out. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): My sympathies go out to both you and your daughter. If i were you i would change your daughters school asap but keep her at home. She is at that age where she needs a father, even more so now. Try engaging a live in home help as suggested. It would certainly be less expensive than private school fees and it would mean keeping the family together which is paramount for your childs sake and yours. You and your daughter could interview together and find someone perfect for the job. That way your daughter need not be alone until you get home. Also try buying her a pet for company. They can be very healing. Dogs are by far the best pets for that. I know from experience that when tragedy strikes some families close ranks and help each other through, while other families fracture and scatter. I know it must be difficult for you to cope with your loss, work long hours AND worry about your daughter but she is your child and needs you, so keep her close. In a short time she might be going off to college or university and be leaving you anyway. So i would cherish the next few years with her. All the best x
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Firstly, I am very impressed by how despite this unbelievably awful family tragedy, you are there for your daughter in this way.
My son goes to boarding school, so I know something of it. I also went.
It is interesting that your daughter has suggested it herself. In fact, there is a very strong sense of community there - you have people around you all the time, and you make great friends, and you are always part of something happening. Your every moment is 'organised' and you feel very secure, and have a choice of so many great things to do, whenever you want.
But ... you do still feel most of the time that you'd kind of rather just be at home with your family. There is a constant, albeit generally very low level, separation anxiety.
I don't know if it would be the right thing, but I agree that being largely on her own at home would be potentially not good at all for her.
I would say maybe she could try boarding school, and see how she found it. It would also be important to find a really good, supportive school.
The other option would be to get someone like an au pair to live in the house with you, help in the house and be some company for your daughter. I might myself probably investigate that option first, I think. And I would look for someone warm and down to earth - probably Polish or Czech.
You are doing the most important thing - listening to your daughter's wishes. I do wish you both the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 November 2011):
 First off, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Would it be a full time boarding school? Maybe a switch can be a good thing for her, but going from being around family (you) to "isolation" might be hard. What does she think? Did she herself suggest boarding school?
How is she dealing with the loss?
Another option could be to hire an Au Pair.
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A
female
reader, youngmum89  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 oh god i no how you's must be feeling i lost my mam this year my dad was left with my little sister whose 15, i think your daughter has the right idea in mind if she would like to go to boarding school let her it will cost a lot of money let her come home to you at the weekends so you dont feel like your on your own my sincerest thoughts go out to you and your daughter at this sad time.
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A
female
reader, Jay_xxxxx +, writes (25 November 2011):
 I'm just going to start by saying that I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and I know that you will miss your daughter if you both choose that it is the right thing for her.The best thing I can suggest is that you put yourself in her shoes and see what it is that you'd rather, obviously it was a hard time for both you and your daughter and I believe that you should do what is best for both of you.I suggest that if you do think you would like her to go then have a look at a few different schools to see which one you both like.If she does feel that you are away from home too much then she would more likely benefit from it and would always have her friends with her if she ever needs someone to talk to. But the question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to let her go too? Hope I helped Jayxxx
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