A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A question for both girls and guys. Is a girlfriend really worth fighting for? i dont mean like you meet a girl and you try to make yourself better than the other guys shes with, but i mean if both you and the other guy have been with her and you both want her the same and she likes both of you then what should you do. Im in this situation right now and she has strong feeling for both of us. I was with her longer (3) years and hes was with her 1 year but she still loves me and she says she would rather be with me. But she also has feeling for him. I am in love with her but she left me for him and now she says she loved him too but that she doesnt feel right with him that she feels like she belongs with me but i mean she still has feelings for him. Is this normal for her to feel like that? Should i remove myself from this? I still love her deeply and no one has made me feel the same way she did when she was with me but it hurts that she still has feelings for him. The other guy loves her too and he keeps putting pictures of them when they were together on facebook and it bugs the hell out of me because me and her are dating right now. She said she deleted his number from her phone and she hasnt talked or texted him since she broke up with him but they are still friends on facebook. i dont have a facebook so i cant see if she actually talks to him on it all i can see is the main profile pictures. What do u guys think. should i walk away or fight thru this and hope he gets over her and we can be together despite all the stuff i went thru when she left me for him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): I feel for you. This is a pretty crappy situation to be in. The fact that she left you after 3 years to be with him and just thinks that when she gets tired of him, she can come back to you is not good. Ive been in a similar situation where it was hard to move on from someone I left for someone else and sure there are feelings of doubt at times but a year later? Being an 18 year old girl at the time, I had a hard time dealing with those mixed feelings. It took me 3 months to fully realize there was no relationship left to be had with my ex, friendship or otherwise. I was tired of hurting him and even if I have missed him at times since, would never put him through it all again. Shes lucky you took her back at all after that much time.
No one can answer whether she is worth fighting for or not other than you. You love her deeply so obviously you feel she is worth fighting for. But you have to remember all the pain she caused you when she left you the first time.
The real question is trust. Do you trust her to not do this again? Because someone that will play games with you is not someone you should be with. She sounds like she doesnt know what she wants and unfortunately, being a female myself, it will probably take some time for her to figure out what she does want. It also sounds like shes had plenty of time to decide between you two. Dont give her any more time.
What I would do is sit her down and take control of the situation. Tell her you love her, youd do anything for her but that you will not put yourself through needless pain while she makes up her mind. If she is serious about being with you she needs to completely cut him out of her life, no ifs ands or buts. No facebook, no contact of ANY kind. If she is not willing to do that, then tell her you are not willing to stay with her. Tell her its not fair to you to have to love her and be there for her while she is unsure. You waited an entire year while she was off dating him and now she still cant make up her mind? Tell her you wont be the second choice. Either she grows up and starts treating you with respect or you will find someone who will.
I know this will be hard for you but you have to let her know you wont just sit there and wait regardless of how she treats you. Shes lucky to have you and if she doesnt realize that then shes going to lose you. Sometimes when your hand is forced, like what you should do to her, its easier to finally choose a path. Right now it sounds like she can just take her time and choosing because she knows you both love her, if you let her know her time is running out to keep you, she will have to make a choice. If she doesnt choose you, then no she isnt worth fighting for.
I wish you the best!
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 It depends, do you think she is worth fighting for?? I'm in a similar position, my ex is with someone else but he said he loves me. Our relationship lasted a similar length of time as yours did.
I think he is worth fighting for, so you need to decide if she is worth it for you. If so, fight for her. If not, move on. I wish you all the best, i know how a situation like this feels...
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A
female
reader, :)31215 +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Sounds like she's stringing both of you along and switching between both of you when it suits her.
She broke up wth you for him, but now wants you back because he's not what she thought he would be like..
Get out of this thing you three have going and find a new girlfriend who isn't going to treat you like crap.
Goodluck :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 January 2011):
 Yes, you need to remove yourself from that drama.
She needs to shit or get of the pot. If she wants HIM, she needs to cut you lose and not string you along. If she wants YOU she needs to cut the the other guy totally lose.
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