A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for a while now and we are very close and open with each other and get on really well. I'm a virgin and he's not, though he has been very understanding about my not being ready to have sex yet and has never forced me into anything. However, when we're in bed together I always get frightened by the idea of giving him a handjob or blowjob and I'm not 100% sure why (he's got to 4th base on me and I love it). I'm a lot less intimidated by the idea of actual sex than that! Last night when he was staying over things got very heated and I tried giving him a handjob but it backfired (admittedly I have never done it before so was never expecting any miracles in the first place) and I backed out then I watched him masturbate until he came, hoping that would give me a better idea of what to do but if anything it made me feel more uncomfortable. Is this a problem anyone else has ever encountered, or does anyone have any advice on how to get over this because I care deeply about my boyfriend and don't want him to feel like I'm neglecting him if this carries on.
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Oops. Accidently posted below prematurely. The conclusion to that posting is as follows:
With a firmer grip now, continue kneeling or sitting before your boyfriend, now stroking with a firmer grip, alternately with either both hands or one. Vary the speed either according to his reactions, or as he directs. Ask him what feels best. Talk to him sensually, even very naughty, telling him that you want him to cum. Add additional kisses, and perhaps a few licks, occasionally to his glans. At this point, you could also include some sucking, beginning at the tip, but this transitions to a blow job. You can do a kind of combination if you prefer, finishing him with the hand job. It is perfectly okay if he occasionally applies masturbation, or takes over completely. Or you can, of course, replace most of the stroking with fellatio (sucking his penis) if you would like. The way you handle his orgasm is optional.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 January 2009):
Next time you might try the following. Have him sit on the couch or in a chair when all has gone nicely - then proceed to give him a sex little show. You said he has seen you naked, so why not strip to bare and then ask him to drop his britches and sit back down. He will likely already be quite erect. Place a pillow on the floor and kneel before him between his legs. Begin very lightly stroking up and down his shaft with both hands, almost just tickling, then slowly begin to massage up and down with your palms and fingers. Vary the touch and pressure on the sides of his erection, first avoiding the glans (tip).
Look him in the eyes as you apply your hands, then give the tip of his penis a sweet kiss or two, and either spit some saliva onto both of your palms or apply a small amount of lubricant to the shaft (only). Grasp about the base of his penis firmly with your wet palms, or his lightly lubricated erection, and begin to stroke
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A
female
reader, 2dareANDdream +, writes (28 January 2009):
 Giving a hand job is never really easy, bc he knows what he likes. You might squeeze to hard or not go fast enough. There is alot of concern there and it's understanding to feel how you do. Giving head the first time is also hard, because you dont want to bit him, you might gag. Oral can be hard. lol. But you and him seem to be very open and he seems like a guy that would talk to you and help you threw it. Just do it.. haha.. Tell him to help you and tell you what he likes while your doing it. You will learn threw time what he likes and your going to get gr8. Yes a guy likes doing it himself, he knows what he likes. But when a girl is touching him and kissing his neck, its much better. Dont forget to play with the balls. They are there for a reason, dont leave them " hanging" hahah..
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone! Ebony, I literally was thinking 'omg, an actual penis, it's scary'- I've seen a man naked before but I think the fact that he's well endowed kind of added to the shock. I spent most of my younger years in an all girls' school, so the idea of it being dirty most likely true and is something I didn't actually realise before- thanks pvtguy. Also to Leonardo- I know my boyfriend gets seriously turned on at the sight of me naked, and like you he said that a lot of the fear is in my head, after all- it's all organic. I don't want to go as far as saying 'I find it scary' to him but I feel confident now not enough to let this shake me up permanently.
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A
male
reader, Leonardo  +, writes (28 January 2009):
As a man I can tell you I have been in several relationships like the one you describe. Usually, the woman has a problem with birth control methods, and I hate condoms. If I am typical of most mature men, I will tell you the fear is all in your head. What you are doing is much more exciting than having missionary style sex. To me, the sight of a woman's breasts during sexual play is very erotic to me. I like to see things from different angles. Of course, a slow but sure orgasm is important for both partners. But there are many roads to pleasure.There are many things about a man and a woman's body that are exotic to watch and feel. Sometimes a little pain is exotic. Surely, a man's strong and masculine body may be a bit threatening - but nature must have made it that way in contrast to a woman's soft, curvaceous body. I cannot give you a magic answer, except to say, "relax, enjoy the sight of the masculine body" - you don't seem to have reason to fear. And it doesn't sound like you are neglecting him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Of course he's better at pleasuring himself than you, as a. he knows what he likes and b. you've only done it once! You're not going to be perfect and make him cum first time, it takes practice and asking him what he does and doesn't like. As for your 'fear', as they say with phobias and such, the best thing to do is confront them. With my ex-ex I was a bit like 'omg, an actual penis, it's scary!' but now to me a penis is a penis is a penis! You'll gradually feel more comfortable with it and your 'skills' will improve, trust me =]
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