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female
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*ygreeneyescu
writes: I met a man on internet dating site, it has been about 4 months. I cancelled my profile after about 2 weeks and to my surprise he is still on there. I confronted him...and he says that we are compatible and the age difference is what he is concerned about, there is 10 years between us. Since my career is almost started(back in school) he will be retiring in 6 years. So this is a concern of his.Besides that i think we are compatible,a nd so does he. There problem is that he is still n the same dating site, with the same profile, says that he has made friends there.Since he is a counsellor, he has a way of making making everything seems innocent. My gut tells mewhen i am with him, we are great. But when I am not he is on the dating site at least 3 times a day, that i know of. Am I just being paranoid or is this abnormal,. I am going to be taken for a ride.it has been 4 months it is too long to expect more?Please help me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): He was honest with you, he told of his concerns re: the age gap and he's keeping his dating options open, hun and so should you. In other words, he is talking to other women. He's perfectly within his right to do so and he's clearly thinking with his head, not his heart. And so should you. Your relationship is just 4 months old and it's still getting established. This takes several more months and huge efforts. But when one person's gets far too emotionally attached, far too soon, problems like this happen. He owes you nothing and you owe him nothing. All you are doing is dating and enjoying each other's company. Dating and going out are, frankly, a way of shopping around. And sadly, some people do get ahead of themselves by forgetting to slow down and think smartly. When you do this, you don't get hurt feelings. If you don't want to get in line, to compete for his affections, then it's now time for you to decide if he's worth it or not. You need to decide what type of relelationships are valuable to you have to choose, accordingly. Just remember his values and your values, differ greatly. So I would just walk away from this one. There are pleanty of nice, unattached men out there looking for committment. Go find them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): Why were you looking at peoples profiles on a dating site, if you already have a relationship?
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Well after a couple of months... 9 or so weeks you get to where you feel comfortable with someone and things start to turn the way they naturally should ie, start to get more intense or drift... you start to know if you want to be together and nothing else seems to matter around you... in this case, it sounds like your sure what you want but he isnt, he is keeping his "options" open.. be wary, ask him to stop and if he doesnt then you will know that you are a back up plan, it might not be like this, it could just be that hes a man and likes to see whats on offer even if he doesnt do anything, but if its upsetting you now, its only going to get harder as this goes on .. tell him that you want to make plans together and feel you cant whilst he is on the dating site, and ask him to respect that your concerned and to not look, if he has got a problem with this then i suggest you rethink your position in this, i mean do you want another 4 months to pass by in the same place ? Him looking at what else is out there?
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