A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What is going on inhis head? Myex and Ibroke up several months back, we have 2 kids so we have to be civiland havecontact. to cut a long story short, I waited a long time for him to commit to me and our kids, when I thought is finally got the chance he decides to invest all his inheritance on a flat. I was hurt by this as we had discussed getting a mortgage together and buying a family.home. as a result I.told him he might as well live in this flat. So now he had got the keys and is about to move on. He has started telling me he loved me and realised what he had etc, I don't believe. And do I want to earn some extra cash... Ie decorating and cleaning his flat. I replied no. And he asked for sex instead. What's wrong with this bloke. Surely this is a new start. Is his a narcassist?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): why did you have 2 kids when he had not committed to you you got it the wrong way round
Now he has spent HIS money on a flat so you threw him out because he did not do as you wanted Do you have a home for you and the children? If you have then your ok.Have you said you are short of cash? He has made you an offer to earn some.Hes teasing you as he knows your well fed up cos he hasn't done what YOU wanted with HIS money.he's laughing at you.
just get your child maintenance sorted out Then move on you chose to end it for a reason
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): Anon male reader clarifying previous response including this passage: "Why on earth would you even think about having a child with a guy not even willing to "commit" to shacking up with you, never mind actually bringing two children into such an unstable living situation?"Above based on unsubstantiated presupposition that baby daddy was still living with his mother when both his children were born, he only moved in to OP's rented home after his mother's death, the inheritance in question was the proceeds from the sale of his mother's house, and he did not purposefully invest the money in real estate but rather decided to spend it on a flat with the intention of making it his permanent residence thereby disregarding OP's stated hope of "buying a family home." For the record, OP does not state or stipulate any unattributed events or circumstances described above in this posting as it appears on this page on this date.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 March 2012):
 whats commitment got to do with his inheritance If he got the flat to live in well you threw him out so he had to go somewhere Property is a good investment for the future He offered you cleaning so you could earn some cash so he must think you want him for his money or for sex And he knows you are p****d off cos he didnt spend his on you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): "Instead of investing in us and our family b/f buys a flat! What's wrong with him?""I waited a long time for him to commit to me and our kids"What's wrong with you? No indication he ever lied or otherwise misled you, seems you were the one projecting your unrealistic "us" and "our family" fantasies onto him. Why on earth would you even think about having a child with a guy not even willing to "commit" to shacking up with you, never mind actually bringing two children into such an unstable living situation? Without commitment there is no "us," without marriage there is no "our family" as otherwise baby mama and baby daddy are not legally related. If sperm donor was serious about investing in "us," then "his inheritance" would have been "our inheritance." Sorry, but your concept of "family" is bass-ackwards. A woman truly desiring a proper family life makes her best effort to ensure the guy she's dating will be a suitable husband for her and a suitable father for her children before the wedding and before the first pregnancy, preferably in that order. Prepare to spend the next several years as an unmarried mother raising two minor children essentially on her own.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 You're not married to each other. No matter how long people play house, that doesn't equal a commitment. You both had 2 kids, you both lived together, you both had sex, but unless you two invested your lives together in marriage, there isn't a real commitment.
When money enters a relationship, it can get sour really fast. In this case, he got a windfall -- an inheritance. You wanted it spent on you and the kids and a future, but he made his own decision with it, either as a gesture of leaving you, or as his choice of getting another income. That's his right.
Having kids and living together do not equal commitment, even though it feels domestic enough. The security and reassurance isn't there. You've invested your life and future into your kids and him, and he has now shown that his priorities aren't like yours.
Given that you two broke up, you then say that you want more money cleaning his place?? Is money your only goal? Now that he's asking for sex instead, that makes me simply sick. I agree, get child support but don't waste any more time on him.
Next time, do not mistake domesticity for commitment. They are not the same thing. It's like mistaking sex for love, but people do it all the time.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Investing in real estate is generally considered a very smart for of investment for the long term. Exactly what is the issue here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Did he buy this flat as an investment so he could rent it out and have a steady source of income? Or did he buy it so he could live there on his own?
Because if it's the former then I understand why you'd be pissed except that flat would actually pay for your mortgage on a new house and provide a very solid basis for buying a house instead of just paying a down payment on a house and having mortgage to pay each month. Personally I think if that's why he bought it, that was a very intelligent investment regardless of what you planned. He can even do it up and sell it on, start on the property ladder and turn his inheritance into a hell of a lot more money. If this is why he did it then you have no reason to complain, investing in property instead of just buying one and paying a mortgage will do more to ensure your financial future.
I don't think there's anything wrong with him really if that's what he did. You kicked him out for spending his own money and you're now pissed he didn't do what you wanted with it.
I mean you're the one who kicked him out, it sounds like he's trying to get you back but you're having none of it.
Look if he bought this so he could dump you and the kids and live the life of a bachelor you would have said that, instead you're throwing a strop because he didn't spend his money the way you wanted him to. You broke up several months ago, so I assume he's been living there since then. He's either looking to get back with you or looking for an easy lay. Something tells me it's the former.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): He invested in property - that's a wise thing to do. The fact he didn't buy a home for you and he and your children to share should tell you all you need to know. He is no more committed to you than pie in the sky. He offered you cleaning work and asked for sex? If you want to continue to be a doormat for him to wipe his feet on go right ahead and take up his insulting offer.
Is he named as the father of your children on their birth certificates? Either way, move on. Make arrangements to seek child support and remember ... you broke up with this man before for a reason. You can't force him to be a part of your life. Good luck.
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