A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now, and in the beginning we decided to take it very slow. We had both been single for awhile and our previous relationships had been pretty bad, so we decided that slowly easing into this relationship would be the best approach. I was completely content with that, in the beginning. I didn't mind that I only saw him once a week, spoke to him every few days or so (I'm a busy girl, I have my own things going on). Lately though, it's beginning to really bother me. At this point we typically see each other twice a week (sometimes once if our schedules just don't mesh), and unless I contact him he can literally go DAYS without contacting me at all. Now granted, he has gotten a tiny bit better at this, but he can still go two to three days with nothing at all. I'm the type of person where I like to see my boyfriend three to four times a week and I like to talk to them everyday. I don't except long drawn out phone conversations, a simple hey how's your day text is more than enough for me. I also don't except him to spend the entire day with me on days we do see each other, which we typically don't anyway. But this only seeing each other a couple times a week and speaking just about as much is really beginning to get to me. Now if he had a full time job I would be a bit more understanding, but he doesn't. He only works two to three days a week and is with his friends the rest of the time. I don't care if he hangs out with his friends, I have my own life, too, but I just can't understand why someone who says he loves me can seemingly be so content with such little contact? I'm certainly not expecting him to devote his entire life to me, but would it be too much for me to ask for a little bit more? Heck, I'd even be content if he just contacted me a little bit more regularly during our "in-between" days, I can deal with the twice a week visits. Should I bring this up to him, or just deal with it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. I don't know if this matters any, but my age is wrong, we're both 22. Yes, I'm being a doormat and yes we're having sex. I guess I need to face the hard truth that I'm possibly (read: probably) being used and so something about it. Thank you for your responses.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 I would discuss it with him… but like Sage Old Guy said.. if you are having sex with him and all you do when you get together is have sex then, there’s not much there.
I was LDR with my fiancé for a year and he was NOT one for daily contact…. And I told him I needed it and as our relationship progressed we had more contact… and finally we went to having at minimum twice a day phone calls.. (morning wake up to him and bedtime tuck in for me)…..
Talk to him about it but be aware he’s probably very content with how things are and if he wanted more contact he’s be asking for it… sadly it’s not a good sign.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 March 2012):
 The real "key" to your submittal lies in something that you didn't say... but which I expect we might surmise:
Are you and he having s*x?
If "yes," then he is behaving in predictable fashion, as a guy who has a woman who will put out for him and not "put his feet to the fire" in making it clear that THAT (the s*x) means that you expect more (and will not settle for anything less) from him....
If "no," then this guy is a very patient man, indeed, who is waiting for you to capitulate, such that you would then be able to change your answer (above) to "yes."
Either way, you're wasting your time and mental/emotional energy......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Seems to me you are content with far too little.
If he loved you he'd want to be with you as much as possible. His actions tell the truth.
You, by your passivity, are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too. He knows he can leave you dangling, call when it suits him and take up where he left off. In the meantime, he has his friends.
Grow a back-bone, get some pride and stop being a doormat. You are not in an adult, equitable relationship with this person.
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