A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm broke, unemployed, have to live with parents in my thirties in a small house and mother won't give me the respect I deserve as an adult professional woman I have more than 8K in credit card debt, more than 35k in students loans (I don't have to pay these for a while just yet) and I'm unemployed without hope. There's no way on earth I'll wait for a stupid man to get married to leave this house and never will I live together with no boyfriend (anyway I currently don't have any) I have no other family members or friends to count on. I wish I could move to a hispanic friendly city where I can become independent and move away from all the toxicity in my family. I will spend christmas alone in my parent's house because I hate the fact that my family celebrates it at my uncle's who's lives 2 hours away from the city. Even my younger cousin has a boyfriend and an important very well paid job and she is a little bitch who always likes to outshine everybody and makes me look bad. She is always talking about how happy she is and about her stupid job and about the things she did and about how independent she is and my family admiring her and everything. At thanksgiving she came to my house as a "surprise" (She lives far away) and my father told her "I love you" loud and clear when he never says that to me. Even my other cousin's husband he has a bachelor's and a master's in the same concentrations I do, and before he graduated he landed a job at a health insurance company and it made me look vary bad. God knows I've sent resumes even inside bottles through the sea and no answer. I need to do something. Sometimes I feel like I should do a crazy thing and buy a plane ticket and leave the state and risk it all. I hate the fact that every single person in my family who have left the state or the city have done so because they already had a good job offer or they will get married. Nobody has risked it all like I'm planning on doing. The problem is I need at least a 30K year job to live independently. I'm a petite single hispanic woman and I can't run chances living in a cheap place. What do you think I shoud do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt sue  +, writes (7 April 2011):
hi there! i can understand how you feel. i'm a 56 year old mom with 2 sons close to your age. they have jobs that pay peanuts and live with me. i know it distresses them as it is like not having a job at all.i don't give them a hard time cuz life is hard enough these days. i do encourage them to use their potential to enable them to do better in life.amidst this misery, you are forgetting something that you have right now, dear girl...your single blessedness that equates to freedom.think through what you can do for yourself when you fly off the coup. it may take some lifestyle modification but may also take you to exciting places on a backpack and chances for interesting jobs elsewhere.what are your interests, by the way? i wish you all the luck, girl!
A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (23 December 2007):
 Declare bankruptce. It will be easier to do that. 50k in debt and waiting for mr. right to happen, will never happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): Hi There,
My advice would be to get some temporary work right away and move out from your parents's place as soon as possible.
When you are in your own space, you will begin to feel better and will have the freedon, peace and headspace you need to focus on getting the job you really want and moving towards being happy.
I was in the same position as you 2 years ago. I ended up unemployed and had to go home to live with may parents for a year. I am so grateful for the help but it was so hard to cope with being at home as a woman in her thirties.
I got through it though, parents can't seem to help reverting back to treating you like a child again when you spend time with them for more than a short time so that is normal, please try not to take it personally! Also, my family are great at praising everyone else in the family to me, but they also praise me to them when Im not there, this is another common parent thing! Im sure they show off about you whenever they can do to your relatives, but you don't get to hear it!
Here is what i did to get myself up and running again. Firstly, I stopped waiting around for the job I wanted and took some temping admin work. That wasn't the work I really wanted and was dull but it got my into a rountine, I met some lovely people, got my zest back for life and more importantly I got myself some money rolling in.
Then I asked all around my area if anyone new of any small apartments to let or for any other girls like me who may be looking for a roomate, and left my number.
Out of the blue I got a call one day about a little apartment and moved in! I only just about had enough for the deposit and I had no furniture but the feeling of being in my own place, with my own front door to close was amazing.
I continued to temp and I joined a Yahoo group called Freecycle which most cites have, its a non profit group where people give away items they no longer want for free, and from there I got lots of little thingd for my apartment and also gave away a lot of stuff that had been in my parents garage.
Six months later I got a job in my field and have not looked back. Neither will you! Go for it Sweetie, you don't have to make any grand gestures or please anyone, you just need the following to make yourself feel better:
1. Your own place
2. A temporay job that pays as much as possible
When you get those 2, the rest will fall into place, I promise!
As I write i am remembering sitting in my parents gargage 2 years ago smoking (they don't smoke so I couldn't smoke inside the house!) and feeling like I had nothing, no hope and nowhere to go. I know exactly how you feel and know you will be absolutely fine!
Lots and lots of luck and please come back and update us on how you are doing. x x x
PS I was also single and ended up dating a lovely guy that I met at my temping job, so you see, take it one step at a time and the rest will follow! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): It sounds like you're in a stage of depression. It is time to get your chin up and face reality. Get up, get yourself beautified and tell yourself, "I will be a better person. I will find that job I am interested in." If your family is acting like that, you are the only person that can give you self support, self motivation. Take one step at a time with your life. There are people out there that are in more worse of a situation than you are. Good luck!
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