A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have just had a bit of an arguement, more a discussion. He says he feels there isn't enough passion in the relationship, and can't see himself staying with someone 5, 10, 15 years with no passion.I thought our sex life has been fine, sometimes we have sex 4-5 times a week, sometimes once, but it always balances out. My sex drive is a bit low and I find it difficult to initiate sex but once I get going, I'm ok and I enjoy it.I do agree with him on the passion though, although there have been times where the sex has been red hot and very passionate, in general I find passion doesn't come easy with us.But I'm not a person who easily inititates something. He doesn't show alot of passion towards me, so I'm not the type to initiate it...But I did say to him if he initiated passion, say during sex, I would respond.We have been friends a long, long time, before we got together. We've now been a couple for a year. We live together, which I htink kills the passion a bit.I know if the passion doesn't increase, he will leave.I just feel scared, isolated, I love him but just don't feel good enough now.He says he's never had a problem with a lack of passion before. Which makes me feel that I'm inferior to ex's. I've had a problem with past boyfriends wanting more sex and me not being that interested.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): What he is trying to say to you that he no longer feels the same about when you first met. Of course there are changes when you have been in a relationship for a long time etc..having children. He needs to grow up and be real. In relationships you both have to work at it everyday, yes everyday to keep the love alive and it has a lot to do how you really feel for one another. Does he love you enough. Would he do almost anything for you. Passion is what happens in the beginning of a relationship and then real life kicks in the longer you are with one another. One year has gone by and he seems to be bored already while you still love the guy. You need to change things up a bit so you are not so predictable all of the time. Do something different in the relation, spice it up. But he has to spice it up too not just you. Good luck.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (22 December 2007):
 Fist of all, sex is not all there is in a relationship. What else could be lacking that he's pinning on the passion. Passion is created from the heart and the true feelings you have for another person. If the passion is low, it has to be created. It's not something that a magic wand can be waived and boom there's your passion. It's also as much his fault as it is yours. Discuss your needs, have him discuss his. Come up with ways to increase your uniqueness in the bedroom.
I heard a story one with a real unique situation. He'd call his wife before leaving work and let her know to check her fax machine for instructions. They'd include her being naked and standing like a statue in a different position somewhere in their home. He'd leave work and come home and would take care of her in the position he had her stand. Sounds weird, but it created excitement in their sexual relationship.
One time you plan where when and how, and the next time he does. The element of surprise can create passion.
Remember sex in an intimate relationship is not about the act or just enjoying the act of sex. It's about connection, and bonding and really enjoying each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): Well passion is more than just sex. It is the way that you guys interract with each other and the dynamic that you both have together. Look I personally would be very offended if my boyfriend said that to me. Look if you really want to increase the passion then you gotta change the dynamic of this relationship.Cause my impression is that that is what he wants. He wants spice. He wants you to stand up for yourself and set him straight. That in itself shows your passionate. He wants you to get angry at him and feel like he is going to lose you. He wants to fight for you. PASSION. You know??
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