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In love with my half brother? We plan to disappear as I reach 18, and expect the general disagreeance - but would anyone understand?

Tagged as: Dating, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2008) 27 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2013)
A female United States age 22-25, *ayte_peace writes:

i just met my half brother 2 years ago. we've always had this connection, and a lot of unspoken sexual tension. we have been real close for a long time, and i would do a few [illegal] things with him and if it got to bad to calm me down he would hold my hand. there was also times our hands would meet, and that wasnt weird to us but we kept it hidden. then the other day us and my sister were watching a movie in his room, and she fell asleep. it started with little things and then suddenly we left to my room and almost had sex that night. we didnt then but the next we did. we have been "dating" kind of since.

i know im in love with him. but hiding it is killing both of us. we are going to move when i turn 18 (later this year). and a year from that were going to dissapear.

i know just about the whole world will be in dissagreance with us but we just wanted to know if there was anyone out there who maybe understood.

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A female reader, lisiha South Africa +, writes (12 March 2013):

Im a 33 year old married woman with the same problem.

My married halfbrother found me 3 years ago.

When I realised I was falling for him, I tried to ignore his calls or see him.

He doesnt know how I feel and Im not intending to tell him.

It hurts me, loving him like this.

Ive never loved anyone like this before.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011):

Hi there,i do understand how u feel cos i am in the same situation,i sometimes ignore my boyfriend's call just to have more time with my bro.it's an incest and never accepted anywhere,the good news is we r no more into this secret relationship cos we sat down to talk about it,it results on us and our future:how will we face our family,the society and even our children should we have our way to get married.we told ourselves that if we really love each other we would not do the forbidden but rather guide each other to do right

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A female reader, yasaman26 United States +, writes (27 March 2011):

I understand what you are going through, it is tough to Love someone who everyone would tell you not to, and to love them in secret. My life is not much different then yours but I'm older now and My half Brother has lived with me my whole life nothing was said or happened till I was 19 years old, when he told me he was in love with me, I knew I was already in love with him but I was afraid of what my mother would think, I told him I loved him but I could not be with him, it hurt both of us for two years like that, I had other boyfriends but I would always break up with them for lame reasons, But after two years of that and me in depression and saddnedd and him the same we are together now and I am Happy He is my Soul mate, You have to follow your heart.

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A female reader, carolilizambrano Canada +, writes (23 September 2010):

I completely understand you as I'm going through that myself. Follow your feelings, you are not hurting anyone, you are just loving. Who are these people to judge anyway?!. Just be happy.

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A female reader, carolilizambrano Canada +, writes (23 September 2010):

I completely understand you as I'm going through that myself. Follow your feelings, you are not hurting anyone, you are just loving. Who are these people to judge anyway?!. Just be happy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010):

hey, I don't know if this helps, but I was looking around about marriage and stumbled across this, it may be nothing but ll post it anyhow.

How do I petition for my stepbrother or stepsister, we now share a common parent?

If you are a U.S. citizen seeking permanent resident status for your stepbrother or stepsister, you must file the following items with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services:

• Form I-130, Petition for Alien Relative

• Your birth certificate showing your name and your common parent’s name (if your father married your stepsibling’s mother, your father’s name must be visible on the birth certificate; if your mother married your stepsibling’s father, your mother’s name must be visible on the birth certificate)

• If you were not born in the U.S., a copy of

Your Certificate of Naturalization or Citizenship or

Your U.S. passport

• A copy of your stepbrother’s or stepsister’s birth certificate showing his or her name and your common parent’s name

• If your stepsibling is or has been married, you must provide evidence of the marriage(s) in order to prove that your stepsibling was once a “child” of the stepparent

• A copy of the civil marriage certificate of your natural mother to your natural father and your stepsibling’s natural mother to his or her natural father

• Proof that any previous marriages entered into by your and your stepsibling’s father and mother ended legally (this could include copies of divorce decrees, death certificates, or annulment decrees)

• A copy of the civil marriage certificate between a) your father and your stepmother or b) your mother and your stepfather, whichever is applicable

Note: If anyone’s name has been legally changed (if it differs from the name on his or her birth certificate), evidence of the name change must be submitted.

also

Throughout the United Kingdom and the British Crown dependencies of Guernsey, Jersey and the Isle of Man, the law forbids certain blood relatives, step-relatives and relatives-in-law from getting married. These restrictions are officially know as forbidden degrees of relationship. The prohibitions apply to illegitimate as well as legitimate relationships. There are exceptions relating to certain step-relatives and relatives-in-law, which are explained later in this article.

Step-Relatives

Step-relatives may marry provided they are at least 21 years of age. The younger of the couple must at no time before the age of 18 have lived in the same household as the older person. Neither must they have been treated as a child of the older person's family.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010):

I don't think ther is anything wrong with it, nothing at all. no one can help how the feel. the best things in life always come with a price. if you love each other, then nothing, nothing at all, should keep you apart.

over the course of this night alone, I have read more than one hundred posts about steps falling in love. on of which with stay with me deeply. sometimes you have to follow your heart, you only have one life, so live it, it's no ones business if your in love, love is the most beautiful thing in the world.

it pains me to say this, but in the u.k and maybe the u.s, it is illigal to marry your half brother, step brother or brother. however, as I've researched this subject, I'm sure if you guys opened up some sort of campain it would bring about the law being wiped out(allowing you guys to marry)

this is only a theory but I want all of you to have some hope, without hope what would you have? just try, even if it doesn't work out, there will be somewhere people can see, just how many people feel for there stepbrother/sisters. there's nothing wrong with it, honestly.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009):

At The End Of The Day Unless You've Fell In Love WIth Your Half Brother You'll Never Understand!!

So Don't Come On Here Saying It's Wrong, Yeah Maybe It Is , But If You've Fell In Love It's Not Your Folt!

I Know What Your Going Through To Be Honest.

I'm 15 And My Half Brother Is 16.

I Met My Half Brother When I Was Younger, We Have The Same Dad But Differnt Mum's, His Mum Stopped Him Seeing Me And My Dad For Year's, Then When I Turned 15 He Found Us Again, Alot Had Changed Though My Mum And Dad Had Split Up And My Mum Was Now In Another Realationship, But They Resently Split Up. Anyway Me And My Half Brother Met Up Alot And Became Very Close, Then I Started To Sleep Round His House Alot, We Sleep In The Same Bed And Hugged That Was As Far As It Went For Ah Few Weeks. I Fell In Love With Him But Wasnt Sure How To Tell Him, And Didnt Want To Sound Stupid, So I Spoke To My Bestfriend And She Said I Had To Tell Him, So I Spoke To Him And He Told Me He Felt The Same, I Was Over The Moon To Be Honest! He Said He Was Waiting For The Right Time To Tell Me.We Decided We Were So In Love That We Were Gonna Have Ah Relationship And See Where It Went From There. From Then On We Spent More And More Time Together, No One Knows About Us Apart From My BestFriend, We Are Finding It SO Hard To Keep It Quite And From Dad Finding Out, We Really Think We Should Tell Someone, But We Have Got So Many Things Running Through Our Heads Like.. What If Dad Found Out And Stopped Us Seeing Each Other? Were Struggling. But Where So In Love!!

Good Luck To Others Who Have Fell In Love With Half Brothers =] x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009):

sometimes fate isn't exactly how we imagined it would be, and being in a situation like yours(and also mine) and other ladies out there is hard.. i know, cause you really have to hide it.. as for me, i'm now living with my half brother for 3 mos or so.. we didn't ran away or anything, its like he asked me if if i wanted to study here, and i said yes and he talked to our mum(she's in abroad) and blah blah blah..

okay, i've known him since i was little i remember him all my life.. he would visit us(including my siblings and my dad and our mum)once in a while.. his dad actually is our mum's first husband. and i never realized i'm in love with him until i come to understand how is it to fall in love. i cry over him especially when he goes home.. we sort of see each other maybe once in 2 yrs.. and then something happened to my family that's why i ended up here with him..

and you know what,even if i had bf's then in my old school, i always wished i could marry my half bro and i think that was the main reason why my past rel'ps didn't work out. and oh, my half bro is my first kiss..hehe its just that with out him, im not complete. and just being with him now, its just so wonderful and i miss him everyday.. and hell yeah, sometimes, the pain we feel kills.. but no matter what, we know well be together. we won't give up cause even with out marriage, we can still become happy..

so kayte, don't ever give up on your love for your bro and never listen to those people who judge you negatively cause it is you and your life together is what matters. love is love, you cant explain it, you can't choose who to love, and you can't eventually stop now.. life is one way ticket, don't regret anything cause you know you want it and your happy and you feel whole. and in the end, only god can judge you.. my blessings to both of you..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009):

Hey guys..I've been looking for something like this to help me understand that I'm not the only one thats going through what this person is..I can only imagine how you feel right now..for I'm in that situation as it is..Its crazy an sounds so unormal but the feeling is something that you can't help over come. I've been told so many times in my life that I can have anyone one I want. And thats true but when I met my half brother last year for the time I didn't expect anything of it. I guess I was happy the fact that I have another brother. Til we had spent so much time together I tell you guys that I was never the same again. It hit us unexpectedly an so many times I always had said to myself that its wrong. I can't think like that or why am I even feeling like this to brush it off its crazy. Little did I know it wasn't all too easy. We have this great bond. It feels like another piece of me was missing and that I have found it. I will stop right here for now. But what I want the rest out there that don't understand to know that is that you can't control your feelings. It was never planned its something that just happens naturally without even knowing til you get there. We didn't ask to feel this way. Its not wrong to fall inlove with a human being. I guess if we were bought up it would be very..very different..but we weren't and in a way I wish we were so that we wouldn't of felt that way.. but all I know for sure is that God made love for a reason, weather your Gay, Lesbian or inlove with a family member right now just typing an looking at it looks so wrong right now. But its nothing compare to what or how I feel inside will ever change the way the I feel for a person. Stand up for love and those that don't agree just know that your struggleing more in your relationship than what we're doing right now. Its not the usual fights cos we know an understand eachother. Thanks everyone for reading this.. GO WITH LOVE.. x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008):

i can understand what you right now...

i have that situation too...

we just met like 1 year ago...

we grew apart...

and now...

we fall in love...

as soon i turn 18 its gonna be diffrent..

we will move out...

as what you plan for to do...

i am agree for your love...

people cant understand because they're not on the position that we have...

i know it is to hard to hide all the feelings when ur around with friends and family...

i love your spirit to maintain the situation...

i thought we was the only one who has problems like this...

:]

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A female reader, done it United Kingdom +, writes (2 May 2008):

Go for your life, but check your rights legally. Is is against the law if you are only half brother and sister. You need to check and also if that is the case, you need to be fully aware of what can happen to your children, they can be born defected that is the issue with inbreeding in families.

On the romance side, I want to say you should be able to love who you choose, but you do have stuff against you and obviously public opinion will favour the law of the matter, no matter how you both feel. Find out your rights in this first. Take it from there. I am remaining candid in my answer here.All I say is you will decide in the end what is right for you. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008):

What your doing with your half brother is wrong. Incest and illegal as well. You probly are not going to listen to me but please stop. Do you want you kids to be retarded or have illness because of this? Have you ever seen the Movie Deliverance! If not I suggest you rent it. I don't want to be nasty with you but wake up! Think about what you are doing to your family. I know you probly don't think of him as your brother because you met him later in life but the fact is he is blood related to you and that makes it a sin. Please stop the relationship and go to thearapy. And everyone else telling her that this is ok they need help too. I'm not trying to say you are a bad person i'm sure your a good person just doing a bad thing and I know if you tried you can turn your life around. Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008):

Katye Peace, thank you for telling us more about your experience. ABC News did a story about a half brother and sister who are living together as a couple on their program called Prime Time Live. If you Google the term "genetic sexual attraction," that story will come up in the listing. This couple had an experience very similar to yours. They had the same father, but never met until they were in their 20s, and they fell in love. I think you would like to read the article they have on their website. You can go to abcnews.go.com and search for the term genetic sexual attraction and that story should come up.

I wish you and your half brother all the best. I think it is great that your love for each other is so strong that you are willing to take the risks necessary to pursue it. I think getting an apartment is a good idea; that way, you can be with him as much as you want. You can't help who you fall in love with, and it's clear that your relationship with your half brother is based on love. So, best of luck to you and please continue posting back here to keep us updated on your relationship with your half brother.

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A female reader, kayte_peace United States +, writes (26 March 2008):

kayte_peace is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well ill be the first to tell you how it happened.

we met and talked over myspace for a few months, (imagine meeting an entire family after 16 years, pretty overwhelming for him i bet..) but after a while he moved in with us. about 6 months of knowing him i started dating a guy who very much resembled my brother, not just because of that but im sure subconsciously it was. because both of us are middle kids (have separated parents, his mom and step dad who he knew as dad were too..) we became close, we would play video games, the story kind together. (i like having my feet under things wether it be a blanket, pillow or somones legs or whatever)but this was no problem to him and eventually it led to our legs interlocked all the time, i wasnt sure what it ment or how he felt, but i didnt care. other times we would be talking i would run my fingers down his arm and around his fingers, and he said it felt good, but to me i was touching him and i loved it, but like in the back of my mind.. it wasnt what i was aiming for, to me nothing would ever happen. then one night we were talking, it was dark, we were in his room and i swear i saw something, i started to freak, and i grabed his wrist/hand, when i did this he took my hand and calmed me down. well this kind of thing went on for months. then finally one day i asked him about pot. he smoked and i was curious. he had always told me never to start but when i asked him to try it he let me. (this was over a year ago now.) i tryed with him 4 times not once getting high, but then his friend was over and they rolled a HUGE blunt and we smoked it, of course i was baked out of my mind. it was the scariest thing of my life. (ever seen thoes cartoons when the hall gets reallll long?? thats how my world felt.) well that and many other things. well he held my hand when we were outside and his friend was checking out the house... then they both talked to me for hours till i was better. but ever since then he would move his hand like under the blanket or put it somewhere where no one would see so that i could hold it.. (kinda sounds stupid i knoo..) but then one night my dad and step mom were fighting real bad so me him and my sister slept in his room (cant hear em in there.) we all were on the bed, her, him in the middle then me. i asked him to rub my back, which turned into him pulling me closer, practically spooning. then he was rubbing my stomach coming pretty close both ways, and i shifted to let him. then i turned my face and kind of placed it on his and after a few mins, he moved, i thought he was kinda freaked or something but he just slid his face across mine and gently kissed the side of my lips and cheek, i kissed him, and then we moved to my room, things got heated, and we almost had sex, (i had never had sex before) but we didnt, then the next night we did. loosing your v-card to your brother isnt exactly what your parents plan for you, so no one will ever know. when i turn 18, were going to get an apt, kinda cuz of family issues but mostly so we can be together with no issues. from there we'll see how long we will stay then were leavingggg!!

kind graphic i kno sorry but im glad to get it out to someone!!!!

and good luck to everyone!! i wish you the best!!

i looovvee hearing your stories too!! talking to someone other than him about this stuff is awesome!!

:)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

To Katye Peace and the other females here who are in love with their half brothers, I think it is great that you can have a loving relationship with your half brother. Especially the last poster who said you need to keep your relationship a secret from your parents. That shows that your relationship is based on true love, cuz you know what people will say, but you are pursuing your relationship with each other anyway.

So if you are a female in this situation, and you are having sex with your half brother, please tell how it got started, and what you like best about him. Also, you might want to check out a webiste called Genetic Sexual Attraction. It is for people who fall in love with members of their immediate family or other relatives.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008):

hello there i can totally relate to this i am in love with my half brother i am 19 he is 24, it all started last year we enjoy eachothers company hav a laf we have gone all the way. i live 200 miles away from him but often go to visit him wen i go to see our dad we hate it not being able to show our feelins an show each other off we text all the time. i am going to move up where he lives where i am from so we can be together get our own place but we still hav to hide it from everyone it is killing us both as well i hate beinng away from him he treats me like a princess we satisfy eachother in every way there is no way we can b together tho properly. as we cant leave every thing behind thts why so we just hav to hav secret relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

I totally understand and agree with what you're going through. There's nothing wrong with what you are doing, so long as you're happy together that's all that matters.

Life's too short to not enjoy the wonderful things.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

Katye, you are right that you cannot close your heart. If you feel like you are in love with each other, I would do as you plan to do and pursue your relationship. As young as you are, this might not be a relationship that lasts your whole life, as very few people end up marrying their first love. So I would go with what your heart feels and enjoy whatever the result is. Incest may be agains the law, but governments can't legislate or outlaw love.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (5 March 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntI agree with you

the heart is only a small place

but you don't clutter your heart

with unhappy things.

For then it will have no place for joys and happiness.

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A female reader, kayte_peace United States +, writes (5 March 2008):

kayte_peace is verified as being by the original poster of the question

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, but you cant close your heart to the things you dont want to feel

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A female reader, yourpaintedsmile United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2008):

i dont know if this will help but i couldnt ignore your sad story....

i found out my boyfriend was my half brother last year and it destroyed my life, as soon as we found out (we were dating 6 months) we ended up in spite of counselling, falling deeper and deeper in love. we are both in our 30s. because i didnt want to hurt my family or prevent him from getting to know our mum, i resisted the desire and longing to run away with him which hurt him and in turn myself very deeply. i couldnt get him out of my system and we spent so much time together, crying and trying to find a way...i reached breaking point...i was never so terrified and sad in my life. i then embarked on a new relationship with a kind wonderful understanding man initially in an effort to stop feeling the feelings i had about my brother. but as my counseller said, it was a bit too soon and i was not ready. then a twist of fate brings me a child, as soon as my half brother found out i was pregnant with another mans child he decided he could no longer have me in his life and i am utterly destroyed. for the sake of my baby and my boyfriend i have decided to do the right thing and keep myself together, have this baby and try and get on with my life. but i miss my half brother so deeply and i know he will have nothing to do with me even as a friend. he has moved on and embarked on a new relationship but his anger and disgust towards me for getting pregnant and staying with my current boyfriend prevents me from being anywhere near him again.

i had everything i ever wanted when i had him and now my life has been replaced by a whole other one which i am thankful for for it is a new beginning. but after our amazing connection, and promise of always being there for eachother, i am left with neither a brother, or a lover or a friend from him. just hate. i really feel for your brother and you, my heart goes with both of you. i didnt have the balls to do what you are going to do but let me just say please dont ever give up on eachother. if one of you has any doubt say it. i thought my brother would love me for all time but he will never understand why i took it upon myself to try and release him by seeing someone new. do i regret it? in one sense i do, but this hate he now has for me is perhaps the only way i will learn to accept it was never meant to be.

i hope your dreams come true.

one thing i will say is that at 18 i wasnt as close to my mum as i am now

id say that me and my brother would have run away together even in our late 20s, but by the fact that my mum has suffered so much heartache having given up her son before she met my dad and had me, it was me who realised he was him! it was me who started the process of finding out the truth though the local adoption agency. i couldnt then just take her son away all for myself. i dont know how this mite help you but look carefully at both how you feel and if you are ready to be misunderstood. some say it is a disorder, and these feelings of intensity are not normal. but it is no comfort. and even now as i write this i have such a heavy leaden heart, i have lost such a beautiful soul forever. perhaps if we had run away we would have had the chance to find out if we could last. but i just couldnt do it. and he will never forgive me, even though i still love him so much i ache and cry every day.

good luck my heart is with you both!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

Katye, you can't help who you fall in love with. Love just happens. If you and your half brother feel true love and chemistry with each other, then I think you should trust your feelings and do what you want. Because of the laws against incest in this country, you may have to settle for just living together and keeping your sexual relationship a secret. It sounds like there is definitely some sexual chemistry between the two of you. So moving away may be the best thing for you. You would probably never be able to be married. However, at some point you both may meet other people that you are attracted to and will want to marry. So you could go ahead have a relationship with your half brother and have sex with him, and you will probably grow out of it later. Very few people end up marrying the first person they have sex with, or their sex partners from high school and college. So this be something that you grow out of. It's OK to sexually experiment at your age, just be smart about it (use birth control!!) I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

Hun .....I'm sorry but that is just sick. I do not care if you just met get a clue! YOU DO NOT SLEEP WITH BROTHERS!!!!

I have half and step and in no way would i ever cross that line my god they are family.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (16 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntWhen you are so deeply in love, you don't know what is right from wrong. You are in a world of your own, only the two of you understands each other.

Laws are made by man and sometimes I wonder why they made such laws.Then later on , they will change the laws to suit the present times.

If you really love your half brother, the world cannot stop you and nobody can stop you from being together .

I don't condone you nor condemn you. It is the path you have chosen to travel and I can only wish you a happy journey on this Earth.

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A female reader, kellyO United Kingdom +, writes (16 February 2008):

kellyO agony auntHi,

Dawnie is right here. it is wrong and you have to stop now. It will cause a huge rift and break your parent hearts.

Kelly.

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A female reader, Dawnie United Kingdom +, writes (16 February 2008):

Dawnie agony auntI'm sorry but you cannot have a relationship with your half brother, it is against the law. He is a blood relative and you are commiting incest. Please stop this now as it is not right and if/when your family find out it will cause a huge rift. At your age it is common to have crushes etc on various people, we all change and what appealed to us at the age of 17 can be completely different when we are in our twenties.

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