A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship for more than 15 years with my girlfriend, we are not married and seems that we won't because we don't believe on that kind of rituals.We live together, have a home and no kids yet. She have a sister that is about 10 years younger than her. For me she was just a child when I meet her in the past, but in the present she become a woman and I started feel attracted and to love her.I don't feel this attraction as a sexual attraction at the most important, but I love his mind, is the perfect complement to our actual relationship with my girlfriend.Well, I never wanted to cheat anyone because being honest is the best way on everything, so I tolk with both and I explained my feelings to them. First to the sister because I see that she is more rational than emotional as my girlfriend.I told her what is happening with my thinking and feelings with her and that I felt that this is something weird or maybe socially bad. She just stayed calm and told me that she think it's nothing bad and I should stay calm. It was good to hear that because I thought I was going to make a big problem between the sisters. She only asked me to tell soon to her sis (my gf) so I did in the next weeks.The reaction was different as I thought. Emotional and angry at the start but the day passed and she told me that it was not my fault and at the end she thank me for being honest. BTW I am not trying to cheat anyone as I said, just exposing my position.My gf has been passing a time thinking about this and sometimes she get jealous/angry but not a big deal, she also think that is bad to feel like that for something that didn't happened. There is no treason or cheating, so this is how the social pressure educated us to react on this situations isn't?The thing is that actually I haven't had the oportunity to talk again with the sister fo my gf to talk if there is something that we can do to make it work.To be clear. Into the practical, I think that living together 3 of us, will help us to grow in a better way, helping us on our work, our home, probably with the kids in the future. In the emotional, if there is love why it should be bad?I want to ask what you think in how should I proceed from here to next steps, specially how to handle the jealous gf and how to get closer to the sister. I think she is waiting for me to do the next move, but I don't want to take any step before having the gf emotionally stable and being ready to open the relationship like this.I love both so much, I want to share my life forever with them.Ps. Please don't answer things like "if you love her choose one", that is not a rational thinking but just a moral/religious/social thinking.I am 34,gf 30,sis 22Thank you cupid :)
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2021): Typo corrections:
" If you have a right to condemn moral/religious/social thinking, those of that persuasion are equally [entitled] to offer an opinion; and use their freedom of speech to express their views on this topic."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2021): "Ps. Please don't answer things like "if you love her choose one", that is not a rational thinking but just a moral/religious/social thinking."
You asked for our opinions. Then don't censor reader's responses. If you have a right to condemn moral/religious/social thinking, those of that persuasion are equally entitle to offer an opinion and use their freedom of speech to express their views on this topic. You think wanting a three-way with your girlfriend's sister is "rational thinking?"
Sir, let's tell it like it is. If you weren't trying to cheat on your girlfriend you wouldn't have intimated your romantic-feelings to her sister in her absence. You would have asked your girlfriend first, and you both would have addressed her sister together.
Why did you approach her sister first, if you thought your girlfriend was up for it?
Your feelings towards any woman other than the woman you've committed to are irrelevant; and best kept to yourself. Lest of course you were feeling her out to see if she's game for a fling. You're bored with one sister, now you're working on the younger-one. Hey, lets make it a two-fer, a package deal!
Moral/religious/social thinking aside, it seems pretty selfish and self-gratifying to me.
I exercise my right to free-speech and opinion. I'm not condemning you, sir; I'm just taking into account the feelings and possible effects on the two sisters.
Who here do you think would be naive enough to think it isn't sexual? It must have occurred to you, considering romantic-love also includes physical-attraction in order to distinguish it from just being "friends." You didn't declare you wanted to be friends; you told her you're in-love with her. Knowing the kind of impact such a statement would have. Before you spoke to her sister about it, you went behind her back and virtually propositioned her sister. I'm going to use the frankest and most accurate of terms; so you can see it for what it is, and stop trying to pull the wool over everybody's eyes. You have your girlfriend, now you're eyeing for her younger sister. Have you no possible idea how this must make her feel?
Hey ladies, please tell us how you'd feel about your boyfriend wanting you and your sister in a polyamourous-relationship? I'd love to hear from anonymous readers, not just aunts and uncles. Let's hear it from the ladies!
Dude, you're looking for a three-way with your girlfriend's sister, and you think you're man enough for two women...both being sisters to be exact!
It will cause a strain in the relationship between them. It will unbridle any rivalries they've suppressed; and the older-one who has invested her feelings will feel betrayed.
You are so full of it, about how you "love" the both of them; but you don't, it's purely ego and just another argument for polyamory. Almost always to the male's advantage, and no proof other than a few anecdotal testimonies these kind of relationships ever workout. Men in these situations often have borderline personality-disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. All they can see is how it will benefit them, not the women.
It's just going back to days of concubines and multiple wives. It's nothing but probable sex-addiction and egotism rolled-up in a big ole' nasty ball. It's bound to cause dissention between sisters; and your girlfriend must be squirming in her skin.
We only get the one-sided story when it comes to these kinds of posts, because the poster tries to make it seem innocent; and will minimize the wife or girlfriend's reaction to avoid opposing responses. Meanwhile, you'll work at selling your idea, and drilling her with your pro-arguments. Knowing she fears losing you; or maybe you'll cheat, if you can't have your way. You have leverage over her feelings; and she can't give you an affirmative answer, because she's at a loss for words. If she says no, you have already let the cat out of the bag that you are in-love with her sister; and you've planted the seed in her sister's head. Now all you have to do is sit-back and let them stew in it.
Stick to the girlfriend, if she still would want you after this; and leave her little sister alone. I don't believe your representation of your girlfriend's reaction. I speculate she's shocked, confused, and not sure what she should do. Maybe she'll end-up writing DC, who knows?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2021): So according to you your girlfriend moved in with you when she was 15.
So, did you in fact move in as a lodger and start hitting on her when she was a minor?
I see a pattern emerging here.
You like to jump over all plausible explanations and pretend to be something you are not.
I suggest you have a lifelong pattern of grooming minors and then trying to rationalise your behaviour as normality.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2021): So according to you your girlfriend moved in with you when she was 15.
So, did you in fact move in as a lodger and start hitting on her when she was a minor?
I see a pattern emerging here.
You like to jump over all plausible explanations and pretend to be something you are not.
I suggest you have a lifelong pattern of grooming minors and then trying to rationalise your behaviour as normality.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2021): Well I can tell you from here that you have got this one mixed up Prince Charming!
You've now increased your latest fantasy of how great you are to include you all living together and having children as well.
This is an idle fantasy.
Your girlfriend will walk out on you and her sister will not live with you either.
You have shown that you want to hit on her sister once you've got the ok from your girlfriend.
I don't think that is going to happen.
They have presumably passed of your clumsy remarks as some endearing kind of mixup where you are awestruck by their company.
But nothing has happened.
Do these sisters have a father? Because I think he would like to let you know that they are not a buy-one, get-one free special offer!
Do you really think that neither sister could meet another, rather more respectful partner?
I suggest that you will be kicked straight to the kerb and I think it's rather creepy that you're prepared to set your sights on your girlfriends sister whom you've known since she was a minor.
I hope your girlfriend realises exactly how bloated your ego is.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (31 August 2021):
 I think you are wanting to have your cake and eat it. All living together will not work. Its not fair on the lady who has been with you for 15 years. You may be taking advantage of her younger sister. If you arent sure of your feelings you shoukd move away from the situation and see how that feels on your own for a whike. A three way triangle never ends well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (31 August 2021):
I think you are wanting to have your cake and eat it. All living together will not work. Its not fair on the lady who has been with you for 15 years. You may be taking advantage of her younger sister. If you arent sure of your feelings you shoukd move away from the situation and see how that feels on your own for a whike. A three way triangle never ends well.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2021): You're living in a dream world. You want your cake and eat it, without seeming to care how this affects your 'girlfriend' and her sister. You sound utterly selfish and deluded. Very few women will agree to this kind of lifestyle where two women agree to share one man.Why would the younger sister who is 22 want to compromise her life and opportunities to end up shacked up with a man who only thinks of himself? Or have you not thought about how this would impact and limit her life? I'm guessing not as you seem to be intending to have children outside of marriage, the implications of that being much worse for your girlfriend if indeed you do have children and things don't work out between you.My advice is not something I expect you'll want to hear as it doesn't serve YOUR wants and fantasies. I suggest you start thinking about other people other than just yourself. I suggest that if you start lusting after the younger sister of your girlfriend that you keep that to yourself, keep it in your pants and deal with your feelings like an adult. I would also suggest that if you intend to have children in the future with whoever you end up with, that you get married. Marriage is not just a ritual! It protects everyone financially, especially the woman if she has children with you and things go wrong.I suspect you don't really care about looking after others. Just yourself. You have hurt your girlfriend very much and yet you are still pursuing this fantasy of yours.I very much doubt anyone here will be trying to help you get closer to the younger sister whilst dealing with the very understandable upset of your girlfriend. What an entitled, horrible person you sound! And finally, when you come to a forum asking for advice, you don't tell the responders how to respond! You don't give them rules about what they can say to you! This is an example of how entitled and selfish you are. You only want to hear from people who support your ridiculous fantasies. As I said, I very much doubt you will find anyone who wants to help you achieve your end.
...............................
|
