A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We've been married for three years. He is my second husband and I adore him. I’m 35 and he’s 39. I’m still very attracted to him. I'm an attractive woman with a not so bad figure, but my confidence is at an all time low. My husband is turned on by the idea of my having sex with other men. I’ve done it once. It spices up or sex life and he loves to talk about it when we have sex. He wants me to have another lover and I have invented a lover which he thinks I see – meantime I go off to the gym for a really good workout.He now wants to have sex with another woman so that he can tell me about it, he also gets very turned on by the idea of the two of us having sex with other people in other words - swing. I CAN'T! I want to make him happy and I love him, but I can’t do this and I can’t carry on making up imaginary lovers.It feels like I’m not good enough for him, that the thought of making love to me is not enough for him.
View related questions:
confidence, sex life, sex with another Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 You are servicing his needs. While your need seems to be an exclusive sexual relationship with him. Its not uncommon for those that want other sexual partners to start as he did. Ie introducing the idea, encouraging you to have sex outside the relationship and talk about it afterwards. The thought of you having sex elsewhere excites him, when that would devastated most partners. And he has no problem sharing you. 2 facts that have the potential to make you feel that you arent special to him. Understandably so. Now he thinks you are in an established sexual relationship with someone else, his next manoeuvre is to introduce a woman for himself. Youve already agreed in a sense by "seeing" someone yourself. So he will say its unfair of you to object to him sleeping with others. It begs the question, if this is what it takes to spice up a 3 year marriage, what will it need after 5 or 6? My advice is to be totally honest with him. Tell him how you feel and what YOU need from him.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 It is understandable that you feel this way. But have you told your husband? Have you explained to him that your confidence is being shattered because of this? I think it was a great idea to have an imaginary lover and then just go to the gym instead, that way you get what you want, and he gets what he wants. The problem now is that he wants to bring more people into the marriage.
Tell him that enough is enough, that you can not do this any more. Maybe not tell him the "lover" was imaginary, if he truly enjoys that idea. But you can say that you do not want another woman in the picture, and definitely not swinging.
I am however sure that making love to you alone IS enough. But I am thinking he believes you enjoy this too. And that he has an experimental nature, and genuinely thinks it will be something you will both enjoy. If he is experimental, you should work out things that you can do that you BOTH want to do. There is compromise, and he can not demand everything to go his way. You have played along for a good while, but it is fair that you let him know when you have reached your limits.
Talk to him. Put down your foot and give him a clear answer: there will be no swinging or other women in the bedroom.
...............................
|
