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I'm worried I'm ruining something good before it even starts! How can I reverse the damage I'm doing?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 December 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 18 December 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *ndy00 writes:

Hi everyone. I posted a question recently, and it changed and changed as time has gone on, so I thought I would post something fresh, and get some new prespectives.

Last night I went out with a friend, drinking. We eventually met up with a group of girls and hung out with them all night. Eventually, me and one of the girls were the last ones there. We walked up and down the streets together, talking, having a great time. Eventually, we ended up making out. I've not been with a girl for about 7 months now, so I felt really good.

As a result of our little make-out session, she missed her last bus. So, she came home with me, where my Dad kindly gave her a lift home, 4 miles away. We kissed one more time as she got out of the car, and this ended what was a lovely night.

I have unfortunately given myself some problems. Earlier today I sent her a text message saying thanks for a great night, and how if she wanted us to ever do something again sometime, she should get in touch... That was about 8 hours ago now, and I have still heard nothing from her (She did say last night she was low/out of credit). Having received some advice from my fellow aunts/uncles, I began to regret texting her more and more. In a moment of panic I decided to call her to see if there was a chance I could at least talk to her and maybe even arrange something. Unfortunately, I made things worse for myself. I only managed to get her answer phone, and like a moron I left a babbling message saying that "I just wanted to see how she was, and maybe see about arrange something for later in the week".

It seems like the more I do, the more regrets I have. So, I have decided not to contact her for the rest of the night, and probably tomorrow as well. I just wonder if there is any way to reverse the damage I have done to this situation, when we talk again (providing she decides not to avoid the blithering idiot I have put myself across as, today). At the start of the day I felt confidant that I may have been about to enter a relationship of some sort again, and at the end of it, I feel like I may be ruining everything when it was going so well.

I realize that I probably haven't done an awful lot wrong today, but obviously enough for me to know I've not been as good as I could have been, so can you suggest anything? What should my plan be?.. Am I overreacting? Please help.

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A male reader, Andy00 United Kingdom +, writes (18 December 2007):

Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Andy00 agony auntHi girls, just thought I'd update you.

I'm afraid I've heard nothing from her since I sent the text, and left the answer message on Saturday. Do you think she's had second thoughts, and hence, is ignoring me?

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A male reader, Andy00 United Kingdom +, writes (16 December 2007):

Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Andy00 agony auntAhh, this has made me feel a little more eased. Thank-you, girls. Honestly, I couldn't believe myself earlier. That message! In my head I was like; "Dude, stop... Dude, seriously stop talking.... Hang up.... Stop!..." Then I hung up, and all I could tell myself was "I told you to stop, but'cha wouldn't listen!!"... Something to that effect.

But anyway, thanks for your advice/opinions. They've made me feel like slightly less of a nervous dork.

I guess I'll just sit back and see what happens now. I'll wait on her, and hope that she starts returning the interest. However, I'll also try and prepare myself for not hearing anything back, just in case... It may be difficult though, because I can't stop thinking about that first kiss! That was just incredible!

Thanks again, I'll be sure to keep you informed. If anybody has anything else to add, please do, as it will go appreciated.

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A female reader, glamgirl +, writes (16 December 2007):

glamgirl agony auntYes i think your over reacting!

the things you said to her was fine it wasnt obsessive or anything. also the girl maybe playing hard to get because she likes you so is giving it a few days to get back to you! so relax, you both sound as if you clicked that night, so am sure she will contact you soon !

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A female reader, Confusedinthecity84 United States +, writes (16 December 2007):

Confusedinthecity84 agony auntYou might not have come across as the suave, silver-tongued gentleman you hoped to be, but I don't think you've done any damage at all, let alone irreversible damage. If anything, you've been clear about your interest in her, and have shown that you're not playing games. I might not be representative of all girls, but I personally think that, if a guy calls me and is excited about time we've spent together, especially if we've kissed, I am highly flattered. It's "cute" when a guy is a "blithering idiot" because, oddly enough, it shows how much he cares about what a girl thinks of him, which means she matters to him. So, please, do not beat yourself up for texting or calling her. Unless you called her and texted her 20 times in a row, a single text followed by a call is nothing to be ashamed of, or worried about.

There are a couple of scenarios that I can think of:

1) Her phone really is dead/she has obligations today/she's playing hard to get even though she likes you. There's a possibility that today was her day for visiting grandparents or sequestering herself in the library to study for exams. If her phone is out of credit, she'll probably be very pleasantly surprised that you texted her and showed enthusiasm for your date last night.

2) She may regret what happened, not because of anything you did (because you didn't do anything wrong), but because she has other things going on in her life that you might not know about. Maybe she just ended a relationship, or maybe she's somehow not ready to get into anything at the moment. There's nothing you can do right now except speculate.

You could just wait a couple of days and see if she contacts you. (She could also just be looking to take things slow.) If several days go by without word from her (and you're still wanting to get to know her), you could try to contact her again. If there's still nothing, it might be best to accept that a relationship with her won't work for the time being.

Again, don't worry and don't beat yourself up. I hope things work out for you!

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (15 December 2007):

hello1 agony auntaww, you really shouldn't have left that voice message! but she either find it cute or think your a bit strange. If she phones, don't even mention it. Just ask her out and act a bit cooler

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007):

She could have not gotten ahold of you for many reasons, I wouldn't read so much into it just yet...She could have run out of credit, like she said, could have slept in, could have been busy, and the list goes on and on.

A nervous/babbling voicemail, (I've gotten many), has never put me off, only made me smile and call the guy back...

I'd suggest you stop contacting her and wait. That can be very difficult, but sending message after message doesn't really help...it just becomes annoying. I don't think you've ruined anything, though I do think you're overreacting just a bit.

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