A
male
age
51-59,
*onewolf_oz
writes:i am 45 and after almost 20years of marriage my ex decided to leave me coz i never paid interest in the family, we have 2 boys aged 14 and 11. She was right, work has always been my focus, i loved her, tried what i thought was best and always done as much as i could to make it a happy family but it wasn't like that, my long hours, my temper and so on and at some point 1 year ago she left me. I was working very long hours in mining and tried to cope with the shock as good as i could. Had my crazy time on the booze while i was off duties, smoked grass again (think last time i did i was 17 or 18) and lived a lonewolf life for a while untill one day i decided to move on. Forgot to say that we lived on a farm and of course when she left i stayed at the farm. Once i was over and done with my crazy time i started to work more than before, 4 days at the minesite and 4 days at the farm and surprise surprise i done more in 8 months than in 3 years while i was married and i should have got some help. I did what i did, right or wrong but i believe i wasn't trusted enough by my ex, i was never right in my decisions and the ostracism i had to deal with came slowly up. I went around, met girls, had fun as any single decent guy does and in february i met a girl who just started to rock my world. Her qualities and attributes are what i like most in women, strong, fierce, crazy and funny. I think i fell for her although i wasn't expecting it.We had 2 magic months, she was off a 9 years relationship and hers ended in november..... we went on and spent as much time as we could together. Then she went back to uni to finish her last year and we started to fall apart. What i didnt realize was the amount of stress and work she is dealing with (we dont live together and she has to work too to pay her bills) and i slowly turned into a jerk behaving like a silly kid who lost his lollypop. I think i been smothering her and although we still see eachother i am worried i lost something wonderful and i may not be able to get it back. Now she says that once she graduate she may go to work away and that means the end of.... us? I think she is not ready yet to move into another relationship but neither do i, i just loved the company and yes for once it turned to be way more than sex..... i am trying to back off, give her space but it is hard so damn hard i have days when i bang my head on the wall and end up with more confusion in my head. I read on a post from O Conner of the 16th of april "My girlfriend's neediness is smothering me, how can I tell her without being coldhearted" something that looks like what i went trough in my life.... and now sadly i am worried i may have lost what we had. There is more to say but i think u got the meaning..... How can a secure strong man fall like i did is not easy to understand.... but yes i did and not very proud of my childish achievement. I wish i knew what to do.
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male
reader, lonewolf_oz +, writes (26 June 2009):
lonewolf_oz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell thanks for all the help :-)
A
male
reader, lonewolf_oz +, writes (25 June 2009):
lonewolf_oz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat most upset me is that I didn't realise she wasn't trying to get distance from me and my attitude ended up pushing her away. She told me I am still her b/f, we are both over 40 and I believe her. Now I think I am not as secure and strong as I thought. Why do I need to be reassured that she still like me? I am still the guy who made her laugh at the park @5am, still the guy who gets the goose bumps when she touches him, still the same guy who loved to hear "I adore you".... and somehow I think I lost her. She is a strong fierce girl and I am not sure we will see this as a momentum of insecurity from me. My life has been a nightmare in the past year and I just felt alive again meeting her. She had her troubles too and I am sure we both saw in each other something.... which I kicked thanks to my stupidity. Now if I am lucky I will see her in 3 weeks, 3 long weeks and I am not sure any more, I dunno if I just have to play the game day after day or take an opportunity to tell her this.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 So you're feeling that she doesn't really have time for you? Like your ex wife probably felt during your marriage! What goes around comes around. Just stop contacting her, she needs to live her life as she has lots of things to do at the minute!
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