A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has just started pyschologist therapy for stress and other stuff. Last week he came out of his session all chatty and telling me how it was. This week he just said I don't want to have to tell you how all my sessions go if I don't feel up to it. I understand it.. however I'm anxious. Last time he went to a diffwrent therapist ... she told him to break up with me and go find someone more like his ex. Or his ex. And he did what she said. So I sort of feel like I'm valid in feeling a bit of anxiety over his sessions.Everything has gotten so good in our relationship. So do I just let this go and see if he comes to me to talk? I had an anxiety attack earlier after getting off the phone which gave me diarrhea and horrible stomach knots. :-(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): Why are you worried? If he's happy with you then don't stress about it.
However do you really want to be with someone who's so impressionable and easily controlled?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 December 2015):
 Im going to ask you if this is the right relationship for you if this is your reaction to it? To me it sounds like the relationship has been dead for quite some time, but you are refusing to let go, which is why you're forcing yourself to live under these circumstances that are causing you stress, anxiety, diarrhea and what more.
Think about what you actually want. In a relationship and in life. Is this it?
When you love someone you let them go. If they come back to you they are yours. If they do not come back, they were never yours to begin with. This is what you have to do with your boyfriend and his sessions. You have to let him go, and if he comes back to you then he is yours. But if he decides to leave then that is HIS decision, not some therapist telling him what to do. I am sure that's what he told you, because he couldn't be honest and tell you the truth, but no therapist has that hold over their patient they will tell them to break up. Breaking up with you before was his choice, no matter what a therapist told him. You need to understand this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): OP here. That last therapist he went to was a year and a half ago. We went on a 6 week break. She told him to try go on a break for over 2 months. She also told him that she didn't see any reason for him to keep going to her.. after two sessions. Our relationship is very steady and much happier than it was previous to our break up last year. He said he never realised how terrible the old therapist was until he went to this new one. He has since told me not to worry that he's only going to see her to help deal with his stress so I don't think I need worry really ...
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (3 December 2015):
I doubt very much that his therapist TOLD him he should break up with you and go back to his ex. He might have interpreted the therapist's words that way but, as the first auntie who replied said, no therapist worth their salt would ever tell a client what to do - they're supposed to help people explore feelings and options.
Perhaps the therapist said something like "Maybe you should think about whether you're getting what you need out of your relationship" to your boyfriend and he's interpreted it totally the wrong way.
My gut is that your boyfriend already had doubts about your relationship and is using "my therapist said..." as an excuse.
Maybe he's just terribly confused and depressed (therapy can do that to you in the beginning) and he's acting irrationally.
But..... don't hang around waiting for him to sort himself out and hoping that he might come back. Consider yourself broken up and go no contact (or at least wait until he contacts you). Start your "moving-on" process now and take care of yourself and your anxieties.
Breaking up is tough, it really sucks. I feel for you
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (3 December 2015):
Oh that sounds terrible. I wonder why the counsellor would tell him something like that. They usually leave the door open for the patient to take decisions, I would think.But you should remember that despite what she told him, he stayed with you. He chose you, didn't he? So of course that means that you are extremely important to him. So you shouldn't be worrying about things like that. Plus you mentioned that the relationship is going strong, so that's an extremely good sign.Oh boy, sounds like you really take stress badly huh? You and your boyfriend.. Why don't you take up some sport as a regular activity? Or cycling or jogging? Physical exertion relieves stress in a huge way. Plus, for inner well being, you could go for a yoga class.But please please do not go for these steam yoga or hot yoga, or whatever crazy things they are calling it these days. Go for a yoga class where they will transmit the teachings in a suitable environment. It will do wonders for your health - physical, mental and emotional.See if they have any classes close by - Or you could see these practices online (Isha Kriya) and do them daily - It will hardly take 15 minutes of your time, each day. And it will make a world of difference. Just try it out. If you don't feel any benefits after a few days then leave it. But if it helps, then stick with it. It will definitely help your boyfriend as well - he might not need the counsellor any more.All the best!
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